TechnoAnxiety

Wk 5 part 4: Struggling

Week 5 (First week of the year, Royal AU)

eheheh. it's 5:30 am and I just got up because I just woke up.

you all are going to hate me.

Recap:

Part 1: Glitter Bombs
Part 2: Casual
Part 3: Recognized
Part 4: 

trigger warning;

-shitty writing

-covid

-blood

-suicide mentions

-suicide contemplation

-past self-harm

-i am a terrible person

I sigh. I was stuck in the castle, because of this sickness. Apparently it was a risk for me if I stepped even one foot out of here, I could become sick. 

Damn COVID. I glare out the window, resting my head on my hand. Everyone I could see, which wasn't many, were wearing masks. (Wear your damn masks, people..) Apparently we were only allowed to go out for necessities. Like food. I look out at the plains for a bit, before my ADHD kicked in. 

I can't sit still for 10 minutes, I swear. 

Jumping up, I grab a coat, shrug it on, and stride outside my room. Overall, it was a nice day, I thought as I walked through the halls. But it was so empty. 

So I went outside for a walk, only to the gardens, where a sole gardener was working on the hedges and flowers. I nod at him, before continuing on my way. Going to the greenhouse, I pick a few flowers and twist them in a garland, before flicking it away.

Something silvery and white falls to the ground beside me, and I bend down to pick it up. In print writing, I read:

(why can't I help)

I narrow my eyes, tearing it up and throwing it in a bin, before another one flutters down. 

(i'm useless here)

My breath catches. I don't know who this was, but... That way of thinking could destroy you.  

I hear a few sobs from above me, and I look up, squinting at the sun, covered by the clouds. Putting a hand over my eyes as shade, I shrink back as I see Tommy looking out the window, leaning on his hands, much in the same way I did. 

I look away. Tommy could deal with himself, right? 

That's what I thought until I heard him scream at the sky. Jerking up my head, I step back as another piece of paper flutters down. I couldn't help but be concerned.  

(why am i here.)

I try to ignore it, facing the other way as the crying gets louder. It was starting to rain, the clouds grey, and I put my hood up. 

The wind blows another snippet of paper to me, and I snatch it out of the air before it could get rained on, my arm moving on its own.

(i can't do anything right)

My eyes narrow as I glance up at Tommy. He was writing these, I knew it. But it wasn't my problem, and I while I had been having a good day, it might trigger me. 

(is it worthwhile 
remind me why I'm still alive) 

Now I was really concerned. What was he doing?