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I sat between Octavia and Abby at the table, the small fleshy square lying in front of me. I looked down at my hands, fiddling with my fingers to avoid eye contact.
"They need to see us do this," Abby whispered to our table. No one wanted to, but we all knew what would happen if we didn't. Octavia looked hesitant, before standing up in front of everyone, her meat block in hand.
"We all know the situation. What we do here now, we do survive. Some of you think it's a sin. But the sin would be letting ourselves starve to death when we know, we're all that's left of the human race," She admitted to everyone. I looked up and watched as she took a bit out of the square. She took a sip of the vegetable broth, belong it go down easier as Cooper suggested.
"I don't know if I can do this," Niylah whispered from the other side of Octavia. I looked down at the square, sucking in a breath as I picked it up. I hesitated before taking a bite. It wasn't very good, and I almost gagged, but I held it down. Octavia handed me the bowl of vegetable broth, morning for me to drink it. I did, just trying to taste it. She put her hand on my shoulder, trying to comfort me in some way.
I watched as Kane stood up, curious as to what he was going with. "We all need to make a choice, for ourselves," he said.
"There is no choice, if you don't eat you starve," Abby said, in a whispered shout, standing next to him.
"There's always a choice Abby, you know that," he told her before he walked out. A few people followed him, all scattered about. I understood, I was just glad I hadn't known anyone personally in the pits. It was easier that way.
~~~
"No way, I won't take away their choice. When they're hungry enough they'll eat," Octavia said, crossing her arms. I sat in the chair as me, her, and Abby conversed.
"Listen to me, nobody wants to do this, but we can't let them starve. If they die from malnutrition their muscles with atrophy, and there won't be enough meat on their bones-," Abby began to explain. I squirmed, as this was making me uncomfortable.
"I can't bloody hear this," I squirmed, pressing my fingers over my ears like a child.
"You need to hear this," Abby told me, directing towards Octavia and me. "On the ark, the blight generation, they had a choice, and they never recovered from it. The people who are had to watch the people who didn't eat die slowly. And their guilt nearly destroyed them," she told us. Great story, except I had no idea what that means.
"What do you want me to do? Make it a crime not to be a cannibal?" Octavia asked Abby, water filling her eyes and shock lacing her voice. Abby just nodded. I looked down, avoiding eye contact with them once again. Octavia flopped down onto the chair and ran her fingers through her hair anxiously.
"Oh, that's one way to fill the freezer," she said. "First we get full compliance, and then we deal with supply," Abby said.
"Supply? These are my people you're talking about," Octavia said, shocked.
"I know that, they're mine too," Abby reminded.
"And you want an exception for Kane, am I right?" I asked Abby, not buying her bullshit. She shook her head. "No," she stated simply. My eyebrows jumped quickly, regaining their normal stance after. "Marcus is the key," she said, ominously. How creepy Abby, how clinically, over the bend, entirely bonkers.
~~~
"We honor those who died, so we could live. I give all of myself to you. You know that, and so did they," Octavia said, taking a bite out of the meat. I rose next to her, holding mine in my shaking hand. I took a bite, as most others followed.
I watched as Octavia went over to a man who hadn't touched his food, watching their scene unfold. I saw the guards beat him up, as I bit my tongue and shut my eyes to stay quiet.
"All of him, for all of us," Octavia said, holding the meat square. I walked up next to Indra, holding my own in my hand.
"Omon Gon Oson," I said, taking another bite of the meat cube. Others copied me, as I tried to stop my shaking hands and my watering eyes. Indra sent me a nod of approval, which somewhat calmed my nerves. At least I did one thing right.
~~~
I shot up, waking up with a start, gasping for air. My eyes darted around, I saw I was alone in my tent as always. I put my hand over my mouth to stop my sob from coming out of my mouth, my hands shaking. I pulled my knees to my chest as tears began to stream down my face suddenly becoming silent. We did it to survive, all of us I reminded myself. We did unspeakable, inhuman things to survive, and we became who we needed to be for our people. The small sob managed to escape my lips, and I covered my hand with my mouth. I finally realized how truly alone I was.
Again, we bear it so they don't have to
A/n the dark year is weird.
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