Sidnaaz an emotion

Chapter 128

At night both sana and sid were laying in bed and lost in their thoughts .

Sana - bebu bahar chale mujhe abhi neend nahi aa rahi hai .

Sid- chal waise bhi mujhe bhi nahi aa rahai hai .

Both came out and sit on their favorite green bed .

Sana- kitna khali khali lag raha hai na sab kuch di aur baaz bhi gaye matlab iss ek hafte mein itna kuch hau pta hi nahi chala ki kab nikal gaya hai .

Sid- haa wo to hai ye ghar hai hi aisa yaha sab kuch weird bhi hota hai aur acha bhi donp ek saath matlab iss baar pehli baar in logo ne aise connections ko bulaya hai warna pehel ke seasons mein nahi aur kitna soothing ho gaya na ek calmness si aai hai .

Sana- haa humne iss ghar mein kitna kuch dekha hai bohot kuch saha hai logo ne ek mauka nahi choda humein neeche khicne ka neeche dikhane ka par hum phir bhi yaha tak pohoche aise hi hai haa gira bhi hai par phir uthe bhi hai aisa laga kai baar ki ab nahi hoga par phir bhi bohot kuch  seekha hai iss ghar mein yaha bohot kuch bura bhi hua hai par bohot kuch acha bhi hua hai thokre khaai hai par wso to sabko khaani pati hai na .

Sid- haa pta hai yaha aane se pehel bohots doubts the kuch abhi bhi hai par kam hai kyuki maine iss channel ke saath kaam kaiya hua hai mujhe pta hai ye productions trp ke liye kuch bhi kar sakta hai mujhe apne liye darr nahi tha na hi tere liye tha hum dono ke liye tha ye jo humarfa rishta hai wo humne abhi kisi ko nahi bataya hai mai nahi chahta tha ki kisi pressure mein aake ya kisi majboori mein hum ye public kare pta hai jab hum bahar the na to mai humesha se chahta tha ki mai sabko btau ki mai shaadi shuda hoon ki meri wife hai jisse mai had se jyada pyaar karta hoon .

Par mujhe pta hai tere ander abhi bhi kahi na kahi darr hai ki log phirse tujhe judge karenge phir wo sab bolenge mai chahta hoon tu unn sab cheezo se bahar nikle wo darr tere ander se bahar aa jaye tu kabhi phir un cheezo ko lekar pareshaan na ho isliye ye show bhi ek wajah hai ki na chahte hue bhi mai ye karna chahta tha tere liye khud ke liye air sabse jaroori humafre rishte ke liye .

Baby pta hai maine dekha hai tujhe apni post par comments padhte hue tu bohot effect hoti thi phir bhi padhti thi aur tu nahi chahti ki koi humare rishte par kuch bole isliye tu nahi chahti ki hum isse abhi public kare aur mujhe koi problem bhi nahi hai pta hai tu jaisa chahti hai hum waisa hi karfen ge tu chahe aaj bolde ya kal ya kbhi bhi nahi bole sirf hum tak rahe mujhe koi problem nahi hogi kyuki mai jaanta hoon tu kabhi bhi khush nahi hogi agar humare baare mein kisi na kuch bhi bol dia to mai chahta tha ki hum iss show mein aaye aur tere mann se wo darr nikal jaaye par ab mujhe fark nahi padta hai chahe jo ho hum saath hai ye matter karta hai .

Sana- haa sahi bola tune pta hai controversy se pehle mai bohot social media use karti thi din mein kai kai post karti thi logo ko pasand bhi aati thi par uss ek controversy ne sab badal diya kyuki  logo ko us ka dard uski takleef nazar aai kyuki usne wo emotional angle use kia jo mai nahi kar paai to sab ne  mujhe galat samha bohot gande gande comments aate the post par padne ka mann nahi karta tha par rok nahi paati thi dhamkiya bhi aati thi darr lagta tha ki kya ho gaya hai ye sab maine khud ki pics dalna band kar dia apne friends ko jo kuch fans bache the unhe bhi mana kia ki wo bhi meri koi pic post na kare kyuki mai wo sab nahi seh sakti thi .

isiliye maine shaadi ke baad bhi koi applications nahi use ki pics nahi daali kuch nahi kyuki pta nahi log kaise react karenge mai khud par to jhel sakti hoon par tujhe kisi ne kuch bola to mai nahi seh paaungi tu bohot important hai mere liye shayad isiliye humesha khud se upar rtaklti hoon tujhe sab bolte hai maa di sab ki apne aap ko bhi importance doon par tere aage kuch nazar nahi aata tune mujhe wo pyaar dia hai jo mujhe kahi nahi mila jiske liye puri life tadapti rahi mai par tu achanak meri life mein aise aaya jaise sirf mere liye bana ho aur tune meri kamyiko ko muhjhe jahir nahi kia balki mera saath dia mujhe har kadam par sambhala to isiliye tu mujhe khud se upar rakhne mein koi problem nahi hai .

Sid- mai jaanta hoon ki mai tujhe bohot baar aisa kuch bol deta hoon gusse mein jo nahi bolna chaiye par mai nahi control kar pata khud ke emotions par jab tu mere saamne hoti hai tu mere liye kya hai wo mai tujhe kya mai khud ko nahi bta paya aaj tak tu saans nahi hai kyuki wo chali jaati hai jab insaan marta hai na hi tu dhadkan hai meri na tu sukoon hai na tu sirf pyaar hai mera tu mere ander chal raha ek ek emotion hai har ek boond jo mere ander hai na khoon ki wo sirf teri hai pta nahi tujhe ye sab samjh aa raha hai par tere bina mai kuch nahi hoon haa bohot galat kia hai maine tere saath aur abhi bhi karta hoon shyad tujhe deserve bhi nahi karta mai par mai itna selfish hoon ki tujhe jaane bhi nahi de sakta khud se door tu bohot jarfoori hai mere liye ki mai khud bhi zinda reh saku sukoon jab milega jab ye rajhega mann mein ki tu mere aas paas.

Sana- pta hai hum ek dusre ke liye jitne jaroori hai utne hi toxic bhi hai kyuki hum dono apna point of view bohot strongly rakhte hai aur humare individuality bhi  hai hum ek dusre par dependent nahi hai par reh bhi nahi sakte ek doosre ke bina bohot complicated hai sab kuch .

Sid- i know meri jaan tu mera sab kuch hai sab kuch .

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here is the next part hope you will like it .

sorry guys for disappearing like this but i don't know i am not in a correct state of mind ,writing gives me solace but right now my mind is blank i don't know what i am feeling something like low like i am loosing my mind my sanity and to keep it intact i thought to keep myself away from everything but nothing work out but i know some of you wait for the updates so here is one i don't know if they will be regular like earlier or not but bear it till i get some mental peace .