I Can't Go Back Now (Supernatural- Alexis Hammel)

She Has To Go

I woke up, back in the bunker. I sighed, stretching and looking down at the scar on my shoulder. It had been about a month since that case, and I've been on bed rest. The boys have done all of the hunting, and it really sucked.

I stood up and walked over to the kitchen, planning on getting some coffee, when I heard the boys talking. I stopped.

"I just don't think she's ready, is all," I heard Dean say. "I never thought she was ready for this."

"Dean, Lexi's strong enough for this. It was her first hunt and she held up really well," Sam argued.

"I'm not going to be responsible for her death, Sam. She has to go, I just don't think she's ready for this."

The words rang in my ears.

'She has to go.'

'She's not ready.'

I took a deep breath and walked back to my room, grabbing a bag and packing my clothes. I left the phone they gave me on the bed along with a note and went on my way. They had left the kitchen and were most likely in their rooms. I quickly left for the garage and grabbed a key to one of the cars they most likely wouldn't notice was missing.

Then I stopped. Did I really want to do this? No, it would hurt worse if I waited for them to tell me. For all of us. I put my bag in the car, then looked in one of their other cars and opened the glove compartment, taking their box of hidden cash in it and taking the money from it.

I took off, and I would show Dean. If he didn't think I was strong enough, I'd prove I was stronger than he thought I was. Being on my own was a scary thought, but I knew I'd be okay. I learned from the best, of course.

I drove for a few hours, trying to get some distance between me and the brothers. Then I stopped at a diner in a small town after going to buy a phone and a laptop, making my life easier with finding cases. I ordered coffee and some bacon, then went looking for anything that screamed vamp, ghoul, or god.

I had to be there for two hours before finally finding a case in Florida. It was a simple vampire nest, most likely located by an abandoned dock by Key West. "Okay, Florida here I come."

It was a long drive, but I made it to Florida. It may have been two in the morning, but there were still people stumbling about the neon lit roads, drunk as ever. I pulled into a crappy hotel, grabbing a room and passing out as soon as my head hit the pillow.

The next morning was a difficult start. I didn't want to get up and get the day started, but I knew that people were dying out there. I forced myself out of bed, turning the shower on and made it quick. I wanted to get this over with.

As I washed myself, I thought about what I knew about vampires. Dead man's blood slows them down, if I get turned there's a cure as long as I don't feed, chopping off their head kills 'em. I just didn't know if I could take on a whole nest myself. Maybe I should leave this to another hunter? No, no if I wanted to prove myself, this was the way.

I walked around, then eventually managed to find where the nest was. It was in an abandoned ship on a dock a couple miles from my hotel. It almost seemed to be too easy. I sat in a diner, looking into the ship to see what it was all about.

It was the S.S. Sanchez, a ship that was abandoned in 1978 after 17 of it's crew members mysteriously died then disappeared, only one crew member surviving. John Blanshing. I skimmed over his report of what had happened, but it didn't seem right.

"Hey," A man sat across from me at my booth. I looked up, seeing Castiel.

I smiled. "Hi, Cas."

"What are you doing here?" He asked.

"Working a case."

"Without Sam and Dean?"

"Dean thought that I wasn't ready for all of this hunting crap."

"Why would he say that? It seemed the opposite to me."

I pulled up the short sleeve of my shirt. "I almost died on my first hunt."

"Oh," Cas said, wide eyed as he looked at the scar. "So, what are you hunting."

I put my sleeve back down. "A nest of vamps. It's over by an abandoned ship a couple of miles away. I thought you were fighting a war in heaven or something."

"I was, but my side lost. So I ran."

"You know, it's okay to run, sometimes," I said, looking at his cast-down expression.

"It is?"

"Yeah, I've had to run away more times than I can count. But you're not here to talk about chick-flick feels, so why are you here?"

"I wanted to assist you with the case."

I smiled. "Then let's go."

I opened the trunk to my car, at least one of everything stocked in it. "Okay, here," I handed Cas a large, sharp machete. "You know how to kill one?"

"Cut the head off."

I smiled. "Come on. Oh, and, be quiet, okay?"

He nodded and we made it onto the ship, pushing it open and looking around. I stepped with very light feet, scanning the dark area for any sign of the vamps. When we had searched the entire length of the ship, I turned to look at Cas. My eyes widened, seeing a vampire.

"Cas!"

Cas turned around, raising his machete and planning to strike. The vamp picked him up and threw him, but I managed to make it behind him and swung, his head coming clean off. I went to Cas and helped him back up. "Come on, there's got to be more."

We managed to finish all of them off, on higher alert than before. It was easier, the more we did it. Cas wasn't a half bad hunter, he just needed to learn more about finding the monsters.

We worked a few more cases over the next two or three months, and he informed me of what else was out there, with archangels and everything.

I informed him what happened with my family and what I wanted to do. "I wish that I could hunt with the brothers, but I don't understand why Dean doesn't trust me."

"He's always had a difficult time with trust. He didn't trust me for a long time. And he hates when he is responsible for anyone's death, so he tries to avoid it at all costs."

I nodded, sighing. Maybe Cas was right. I continued eating my burger in our hotel room, when Cas gave me a confused look. "What?" I asked around a mouthful of burger.

"Dean is praying to me."

I looked at him. "Care to elaborate?"

"He's praying about you. He wants to know if I can help find you. They've been looking for you since you left. He said your note was kind of vague. What did you write in the note?"

I paused, looking down. "'Don't look for me, I'll be fine, I promise.'."

Cas sighed, rolling his eyes. "You know, I have to tell him about this."

"I still don't think he believes in me, Cas. This is what I want to do."

"I understand that. You do know that if I go back and when Dean finds out I've been with you this whole time and didn't tell him he'd probably get so mad at me he'd forget what happened with you?" Cas said. I sighed.

"Okay, let's go," I said.

"This will be faster," Cas said, touching my forehead and I closed my eyes. When I opened them, I looked around, my surroundings now the library of the bunker.

Sam and Dean were sitting in front of me at the table, staring at me and Cas.