Chapter 42
I groaned then sighed rubbing a hand over my face. This is the 3rd time I have woken up during the night. I can't sleep. She won't get out of my head. This is the 3rd dream with her in it. Why won't she get out if my head? It's hard to stop thinking about her anyways but in situations like this?! She's still there! Why! It's making me confused! Like I'm stuck in the middle between the two! But there's light behind one and darkness behind the other! Ughhh!
I rubbed my head before getting up. I need some water or something.
I got out of bed careful not to wake the dog. I went downstairs to kitchen and opened the fridge looking for a bottle a water.
"Hey" I sad startled by the voice but I turned to she her face. That face. It's that face. The face that woke me up 3 times. The face that can't get out of my head. The face that I want to stop dreaming about but cant. The face that showed light. The face that was so beautiful but was killing me. What does she do that makes this all happen?!
"Are you ok" she asked scratching her head. Her hair was messy and thrown in all directions. She stood in a pink fuzzy robe. She was wondering what I was doing this late but she should really go back to bed. She dosent need to worry about me. Is that it? The way she treats me? Is it just her appearance? Is it just because shes my friend? Or is it that I think might have strong feelings towards her?
I shook my head clearing my thoughts. "Um yeah. I'm-I'm fine. Just came to get something to drink. I couldn't sleep" "Oh. Was it a nightmare or something" "Nahww. Just some stuff that in my head" "Oh ok" "You should go back to bed. I know you have to work" "Yeah. Goodnight" "Night" I replied as she began to walk away. "Wait!" She stopped in her tracks. "Yeah?" Her tired voice was always cute to me. I smiled to myself. But my question made me frown. "Um uh" I scratched my head trying to get my words out correctly. "Do you ever......uh.....um like dream...dream about.......me" She froze for a moment like my question took too much of her. I couldn't really see her face. It was dark and the only light was from the fridge.
"Um......" she scratched her head and rubbed her forearm. "Uh.....I mean yeah" "What....uhhh..... Um....... happens in them or what are they like" "Uhhh.....you know....just regular dreams. Just friends having fun." I frowned at her response. I wish it was different. I wish she thought of me the same way I did.
"Oh ok. It was just a question" I said looking down at the floor that I could barely see. "Ok." She began to walk away again but this time it looked like she was rushing away from me. Like she didn't want to be in my presence right now and she needed to get away.
"Wait! Uh......I just wanted to say thank you.....for everything" "Oh. It's no problem. Anything for a friend" The word friends just seemed to haunt me. Why cant we be more than friends?
"But next time you stay over, put some clothes on will ya" I looked down at myself. U only stood in my boxers. "Oh yeah. I really wasn't thinking to put clothes on. If I knew you were going to wake up I would have changed my mind and wouldn't put anything on" "Goodnight boy" she giggled walking away.
MORNING
After last night. I couldn't sleep at all. Everytime I closed my eyes I saw her face. It was like she was haunting me only with beauty. Not only that this friend thing kept haunting me also. I can't stand it honestly. I don't want us to be friends. I don't want us to be best friends. I want to be more than that. I don't know what exactly but I do. And on the kool during predicaments like this I think of Tamia as my girlfriend and not Vanessa. Sometimes I wish that but I know all wishes come true. But it's only in tines like this when we argue that I wish that. But I do dream that we are. Only after Nessa and I have speacial occasions I dream about us but other than that it's all Tamia. I've dreamt so many things about her. From marriage to kids to sex. Anything you can think of. I don't know why she's in my head but she is. After all of this I have realized that I do have something for her and there's no denying anymore. I can't keep lying to myself anymore. It breaks me. I do have feelings for her and I can't help it. It is what it is. I just can't tell her that or Nessa that. I love Vanessa I really do. I want to make things work between us but it's hard most of the time because all she does is drive me nuts. But I can't stop loving her. That's why I can't end it. And now it's gonna be even harder for me since Ice accepted the fact that I like my best friend. What if she's going through the same things I am? What if she dreams about me and thinks about me like I do her? What if she wishes we were together but know we can't be because I have a girlfriend? What if we both feel the same way?
What if?
After Tamia went to work I got dressed and picked up Taylor and Keyanna from Chris' house. I then went home. Vanessa wasn't there as usual but I know she went to work. But that wasn't in my mind. What was on my mind was when she gets home we were going to fix things and thats exactly what we did. We had a long conversation about everything and made up but this time no sex. Sex wasnt going to fix our problem. And after that we discussed our plans for a week. We decided to go to Jamacia. It will be a great place to go and relax. So I canceled everything I had to do for the week. But I made sure we had to be back before the 13th. We'll leave on the 3rd which is in 3 days and come back on the 10th. Can't miss the award ceremony for Tamia. So everythings working out fine for now. My mom agreed to watch the girls for me. She said she didn't want Tamia to have a week for herself. And I agrees so I also planned for a week for her to relax full of massages and pampering. I couldny just let her be by herself. She needs something. After everything she's done for me I really do owe her. Plus I just wanted to do something speacial for her. I'm having fun so she should to.
Hope everything goes as planned
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I know it's was kind of short and not detailed but you know I'll make up for it. Anyways for the Jamacia tripim deciding on weather I should make a chapter(s) for it because I really want to start part two called Fixing(the sequeal). So I don't know if I should or shouldn't. I might not but give me your opinion on if you want to know about Trey's and Vanessa's trip. Other than that thanks for reading you guys and thanks for all the comments and vote. Love u.
