My Boyfriend is a Freak (Published under Pop Fiction)

56: Vren

Bella is gone. Really, really gone.

I kept repeating that to myself as I stared at my ex-girlfriend's lifeless form. Yet no matter how hard I try to convince myself that this was the last time I'd be seeing her face, the reality of Bella's death refused to sink in. In fact, if I tune out the people milling around, clad in black or white — the colors of mourning — and the fact that Bella's body was housed in a coffin, I could still pretend that she's just taking a peaceful nap.

It's both amazing and scary how even until her death, Isabella Lira dela Merced had managed to be angelically beautiful. Maybe not as pulchritudinous as she used to be, true, but still beautiful nonetheless.

****

Receiving a last letter from Bella was unexpected but very comforting. And what's even more surprising was that not only did she spare the time to write one for me, but she did the same for Mira, too.

I intended to read my ex-girlfriend's final words to me with no one else around, so I excused myself and walked away from Tita Ivana, Tito Arkin, and Mira. I could still vaguely recall the dela Merced residence's layout, so I went ahead and entered an empty room — Bella's father's study, by the looks of it.

The cream-colored paper on which Bella wrote her letter to me strongly smelled of her vanilla perfume. I closed my eyes, imagining her sitting beside me with a smile. It didn't take too long for that image to send painful waves coursing through my chest, though, so I opened my eyes again and took a deep, calming breath.

Quit being a crybaby, Vren, I silently chastised myself.

My hands were slightly shaking as I finally unfolded Bella's letter.

****

My dearest Andrei,

Remember the time when I told you I'm sorry for breaking up with you? That was first out of the three things I've been meaning to tell you for so long. The second, of course, was about me dying from leukemia. Sadly, this was too much of a shock for you that you walked out on me before I even had the chance to tell you the third thing. But I know I could never leave without letting you know about it, so I'm writing it down instead.

Okay, here's the third thing —  I never stopped loving you, Andrei.

I'm really happy to have earned your forgiveness before I bid the world goodbye. I know you've loathed me for years under the false pretense that I dumped you for another man, but sadly, that's not the true story. I had to let you go, not because you were too preoccupied with work and barely had time for me anymore — what a shallow reason, come to think of it —  but because I did something that made me undeserving of you.

I still stand by my choice of letting you go, although I've realized by now that telling you the true reason, instead of making you believe it was your fault, was the better way to do it. Anyway, that's history. Just know that it was never your fault, Andrei. You are one of the best people I have ever met and getting loved by you was a privilege. I was just a fool to have wasted it.

There are still times when I try to imagine how my life would be if we ended up together. I would picture myself as your wife, happily taking care of our kids. Every time I remember those moments of us planning the future together, I had to smile. Yes, it hurts to know that those plans would no longer be fulfilled, but then again, it all boils down to my fault. And with that line of thinking comes the thought that the woman who'd end up with you for real would be very lucky.

And now you have Mira. I'm really happy for you, Andrei. Your girlfriend is a good woman. Never, ever let her go. You deserve someone who will never fail you the way I did, and I'm pretty sure Mira's exactly that person. Don't be an idiot, okay? Don't start a fight over the littlest thing (such as a bouquet of flowers, haha!) I know you're smart, so act like it. Take care of her. And when times are tough, remember why you fell in love with her in the first place. Remember all the efforts the two of you spent to maintain and nurture your relationship. Most of all, remember to not let those efforts go to waste.

And please, Andrei, do me a favor and look after Mom and Dad. The most difficult part of accepting that I'm leaving soon is the thought of abandoning my parents for good. Then again, I'm confident that you are kind enough to attend to them when I'm gone. They're not getting any younger (but don't tell Mom I said that. She'll double-kill me.)

Lastly, do take care of yourself, too. Yes, I know how precious Medialink is to you, but for goodness' sake — don't let it be the thing that kills you. Stop being the world's biggest workaholic and enjoy other things once in a while. Life is too short to drown yourself in work. You don't want to be a goner before you and Mira get married, do you?

Okay, I think I've said enough. I know I'm starting to sound like your mom here. (And on that note, please give my love to Tita Vina.) Just try to remember everything I said, especially the 'don't be an idiot' part. I really mean it. I wish you and Mira the best. And I wish you, Andrei, all the love that you deserve.

I love you, Andrei. I have always loved you, from the moment I heard you singing with your band at Hollier's Music Hall. And I will never stop loving you... until my last breath.

Yours truly,

Bella