Diaries of a suicidal mind(Under editing)

07 November 2013

A/N: Hi!! I don't have much to say (I'm writting this for the second time because my laptop deleted half the chapter and I cried for a while) but let's hope this doesn't happen again. I hope you enjoy the chapter!
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*LENNY'S P.O.V*


It's finally Friday, the day I will see William at last, I'm so thankful this week has passed quicker than I thought, now all I have to do is hope that school ends as quick as I expected.

I got a text from William, telling me to pack warm clothes, because apparently we'll be sleeping somewhere, which made me extremely impatient, he hasn't revealed a thing about the date to me, which I'm thinking will be great.
I can hardly wait, and I just hope I won't explode from excitement today.
I made my way through the halls, took my textbook and headed to Bio class.
I sat on my usual seat and arranged some papers and notes in my binder.
"Hi there" A voice startled me.
I looked up to see who it was, to find a brown haired girl with hazel eyes;
"Uh hi" I said unsure.
"Well, sorry if I disturbed you or anything, but well I couldn't help but notice that you were good in Bio, and I thought if you could help me out?" She asked me shyly, when it all cleared up, it was Angy the new girl at school, we actually go to two classes together, but I never really bothered to befriend her.
"Uh yeah, sure I don't mind" I gave her a smile.
"Is it okay if we meet after school today so you can help me for the test on Monday?" She asked me and I froze in place, I might sound awkward if I said no, but then, today we leave earlier than usual and William won't be there until 6 pm and I got everything packed, plus we won't really need more than two hours to study, so I nodded.
"Thank you Leonora" She said smiling and I chuckled, Leonora was my "Complete" name but after several years of being called Lenny, Leonora was so long forgotten.
Well except for our ID.
"Please, call me Lenny" I said to her smiling and she nodded.
"We'll meet at lunch to discuss what we are gonna study okay?" She asked me and I nodded before we took our seats as the teacher came and the bell rang.

Class after class, we finally had our break, and Angy and I agreed to meet by my locker, and as promised, she was there, holding her textbooks tight by her chest.
"Do you wanna sit at the cafeteria or the library or..?" I trailed off.
"Oh let's go find a table at the cafeteria" She said smiling as we headed there.
We found a table, sat there and explained to her a few basic things, and we had a little chat before we headed to our separate classes.

The day was finally over, and as our previous promise, Angy was waiting for me at the gates so we can go home.
It wasn't long until I arrived home, and as soon as I got there, I turned my phone on to check if William texted me through the day, and he indeed did; I smiled knowing he probably thought of me during the day before I shrugged it off to help Angy out.
"Uh you wanna have lunch?" I asked her and she shook her head.
"I'm not really hungry."
"Oh okay, let's head upstairs" I leaded her to my room. We got there and settled on my bed, opened our textbooks and started explaining few things for her.
It wasn't long until I finished helping her and I was beyond excited to get myself ready.
"That's all basically, but if you need anything else you can text me" I said to her while writing down my number on a paper to her.
"Okay thank you so much Lenny!" She said before she left me by myself.

I ran to the bathroom and took a shower, dried my hair and straightened it.
I wore a red beanie, a white shirt and a black leather jacket over it, and black skinny jeans with red converse.
I applied eyeliner, a coat of mascara and red lipstick, and for once I felt pretty.
I packed up a pajama and another outfit for tomorrow and a pair of underwear, I'm ready.

I got a text from William saying he'll be there in 5 minutes, I rushed downstairs with my small luggage and sat waiting for him in the living room.
Soon enough, I heard a knock on the door, I rushed to open it, grinning widely when I made sure it was William.
"Heyy!" I said hugging him tightly.
"You ready?" He asked me as we pulled out.
"Since forever!" I chuckled as he went to talk to my mom before we left.
He took my luggage and put it in the trunk before opening the passenger seat for me.
I settled in the seat as he turned the engine on, I glanced at him, studying his features, he was flawless in every possible way, and I'm so lucky to have someone like him, from his smile to his accent, to anything that he does that never fails to make my day. I like him in every possible way and I couldn't be more grateful to have someone like him in my life.
"What?" He asked chuckling after I realized I've been staring for a little time longer than I should be.
"Nothing, I just missed looking at you" I said to him as we drove off the neighborhood.
"So where are we going?" I asked him
"Well I think you deserve to know, to the country side, mountains, whatever! it's a great place in nature and I'm positive you will like it" He said smiling.
I noticed for the first time that he shaved his -not so much of a beard-beard, now it looks like he's just started to grow facial hair, he's adorable.
"That seems quite great!" I said smiling.
"So love how was your week?" He asked.
"Good, just normal, I met a girl today and helped her out in Bio, what about you?"
"It was good, the boys were planning already the trip for Christmas break and all" He said.
"Oh" I said "That seems fun!"
"Yeah I guess" He shrugged before changing the music on the radio.

The rest of the ride was silent, in a really calming comforting way, untill we pulled up into a beautiful wooden cabana that just made it feel like a beautiful winter or something. That made no sense, but the cabana looked like it came out of a picture.
"It's beautiful.." I said to him.
"I'm glad you like it!"
"I love it" I said before planting a kiss on his cheek.
"Shall we get inside then?" He asked smirking.
"Yes."

And with that, we got out of the car and into the cabana, which looked even cozier on the inside.
It had a fireplace with so many cushions around it and a rocking chair at the back along with a couch and a T.V. that I doubt we would ever use. There was a window with red curtains, and on the Fireplace there was some statues and a frame. While the walls were decorated with a couple of portraits that completes the whole theme of the living room.
There's a small kitchen and upstairs a bedroom and a small bathroom. It's a cabana after all.
"it's beautiful" I said to him again and he just smiled coming closer to hug me. He nuzzled his head in neck and planted a soft kiss there, making me shiver.
"How about we have dinner?" He asked quietly and I nodded, he guided me into the kitchen.
"Food's been cooking, it will be ready soon" He said after he explained that he went here and got things ready before coming to pick me up.
I helped him set the table while the food was still getting ready, and when it finally was, we were all set.

Our conversation during dinner wasn't much, just a couple of words, and we shared a couple glances. When we were done I helped him cleaning up.
"Let's go take a walk" He said out of nowhere and I looked at him as if he was insane.
"But it's dark outside" I said. I was afraid of the dark and I am for sure not going to take a walk out in the woods.
"Why not? It's beautiful!"
"No way! We'll get eaten by a bear" I said to him and he just chuckled.
"Alright then, I'll wake you up early for a walk outside" He said.
"Fine with me" I said smiling.
"I will go up and change...Do you want to join?" He shyly asked and I nodded, feeling quite insecure at the moment.
He took the lead and I followed him up as he carried our luggage and placed them on the bed.
I opened mine and took my pajama, awkwardly shifting but when I looked at William, he was already shirtless and arranging his shirt in his bag, I stared at his abs, and the way his muscles move, until I heard him clear his throat and that's when I felt like I was staring for too long.
"Like what you see?" He said smirking, and I couldn't help but blush.
I took off my shirt and wore my pajama's shirt and then awkwardly slipped down my pants before putting on my comfy pants and cozy slippers.
When I looked back, William was all dressed now; "I'll go light up the fireplace okay?" He asked me in his beautiful voice.
"Okay" I said before he gently placed a sweet kiss on my lips and went downstairs.
I folded my clothes and placed them in my luggage before I took my phone out to text mom that everything was okay, and then went down to sit with William.
The fireplace was lit, and he was sitting there proud of himself, looking adorable as ever. I went down and sat next to him, leaning my head on his shoulder.
"I've always wondered...What it's like to have someone that cares, and I always thought I'd find that person when I'm all old and wrinkly, but here I am, sitting next to the person that I owe my life, feeling happier than ever" I spoke all my thoughts out loud, knowing he would understand.
"I don't know, I've never felt that way, like wondered and all, I just never thought about wondering about the future, thinking so much about the what if-s and all, I mean, my life itself is unexpected, and yours is too, and that is what makes life beautiful, all the unexpected events, the good ones and bad ones, the ups and the downs, I've been taught to love everything that's been given to me, all the lows and the highs, I've learned to be grateful for it, after going through a lot, I learned that we get to live once, and we die once too, All I mean is, we only get to have this life once, why to focus on the bad? Why not to think about the good instead of mourning and grieving when so many great things can happen? I don't know, but I think I got out of topic now and probably made you all confused. Sorry." I listened, and understood every word he said, agreeing to everything he said.
"What do you see yourself doing, four years from now?" I asked him randomly.
"Well I don't know, I could be dead for all I know, but if I weren't, I'd probably be with you, or with my wife or children, maybe I'd be there alone in an apartment, I really don't know. What about you?"
"I never thought either, now that you asked, I really don't know, but I really want to be helping the unfortunate kids"
"That's really sweet you know? Well then four years from now, when you'll be helping the unfortunate kids, i would love to be there with you, helping them as well." He said as he leaned in to kiss me, his warm lips on mine, I wrapped my arms around his neck deepening the kiss, William lifted me and placed me on his lap as he kept on kissing me, and that must've been the most erotic moment in my innocent life, no joke.
Our tongues collided as now we were making out, William's hands going all over me, I didn't even know what to do, and I was starting to get breathless.
I gently pulled out, probably disappointing William as he looked at me with wide eyes.
I tried catching my breath for a moment before resting my forehead on his.
"I'm sorry I must've went too far-" He said apologizing.
"No I just got caught breathless I- well, yeah" I blushed looking down, and got off his lap but he stoped me, and embraced me in the most loving way in his strong arms.
He kissed my head before he rested his head on mine.
"Did I..." He trailed off  "Did I ever make you feel uncomfortable?" He asked me in his low voice.
Without really thinking, I said no, even though I felt insecure once around him, I just don't want to say anything I'd regret. "Why are you asking?"
"Because If I ever do, please tell me so I'd stop, I don't want you to feel awkward around me, I just want you to feel comfortable around me, that's all" He said and I nodded.
I turned back facing him, still on his lap and rested my head on his shoulder, my finger moving up from his neck to his jawline, looking at his features, his beautiful face.
"William?" I asked, my voice low and barely audible.
"Yes love?" He asked.
"Can I have, one of your hoodies, to keep with me? Like when you're away in university I can just wear it and it would have your cologne on it and it's cheesy I know but just so I can have something from you when I miss you and you're away." I mumbled.
"Sure" He said as he placed me on a cushion, he took his hoodie off and handed it to me. "Will that do the job?" He asked me smiling and I nodded as I took it and held it by me closely.
I took a look at William's body for the second time today, I don't think I'll be able to take my eyes off his abs this time, the room was dimly lit, but every feature in William was clear to me.
"Do you want to go and cuddle in the bed?" He asked me shyly and I nodded as we went upstairs.
The room looked quite different, maybe it's because I took more time to look at it, it was somehow magical, the only source of light that came was from the window, the moon letting it's light creep into the room.
I went into the bed and took William's hoodie off, staying in my pajama's shirt and settling myself off in bed, William settled in after he finished typing something on his phone, and then, he wrapped his bare arms around me and brought our bodies closer.
It took me a while to realise that I'm partially on top of William's bare chest, and I was able to feel him breathing, his chest going up and down. I looked him in the eyes, not really seeing much, it was dark after all. He smiled at me, and I felt my heart beat quicken.

"You're beautiful" He said as he leaned in to kiss me, I didn't really move, I didn't protest, I liked his lips on mine, they were warm, soft and loving.
He kept on kissing me gently, and I liked it like that, I don't want to do anything I might regret later, and I know he'd understand, which is one of the reasons why I like him.
We pulled away from the kiss and I rested my head on his chest, hearing his heartbeat which became my lullaby,as I slowly drifted to sleep.

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I woke up, to William softly shaking me, whispering "Wake upp" every time he shook me.
I rubbed my eyes as they adjusted to the lights and opened my phone to check the time,
"It's 5:30 AM For god's sake!!" I said to him.
"Well you don't want to miss the walk around nature would you??" He asked getting on top of me and shaking me hard. "GET UPPP"
"Shouldn't you be off me to let me get up first?" I asked him trying to get him off but I failed.
Oh well I tried.
"Sorry love, I'm just so excited to show you around" He said blushing before planting a kiss on my neck. "I'll leave you get dressed while I make you some coffee" He said and left.

I got up and went into the bathroom, washed my face and brushed my teeth, then wore my clothes and folded my pajamas and his hoodie into the luggage, then went downstairs to see William.
"Good Morning" I said going over to kiss his cheek.
"Morning love" He said planting a kiss on my lips. He handed me a mug, put a backpack over his shoulders and leaded me outside, locking the door after him.
"So, where are you taking me now?" I asked him smiling.
"A beautiful place" He said as he held my hand in his. And, such a small gesture, just his hand touching mine, made butterflies go wild in my stomach.
"Did you sleep well?" He asked me as we walked.
"I did, infact, I loved sleeping on your chest, feeling you breathing, hearing your heartbeat, I felt safe" I said to him as he wrapped his arm around my shoulder as we kept on walking, passing trees, hearing birds sing.
"We're almost close" He said.
"Close to where?" I asked him curiously.
"You'll see" He answered giving me one of his gorgeous smiles. "Wait" He said as he stopped walking. "I'll have to blind fold you, that would make it better, also it's cute." He smiled and I lokoed at him as if he was gone mad.
"What if you were to throw me down a valley" I asked him and he chuckled.
"Well you'll have to trust me for all I know"
I shrugged as he placed his hands on my eyes. "Now, walk just as I tell you, and no peeking!" He said and I nodded, closing my eyes and stepping around carefully.
I could hear the sound of the water flow. "Okay, you're not throwing me in some cold freezing water are you?" I asked him and he laughed.
"No don't worry I won't" He said pulling his hands off my eyes. I opened them slowly, blinked a couple of times before my eyes adjusted to the light, and when they did, the view was beautiful, a high waterfall and a lake, so beautiful, it looked so relaxing. I let out a sigh "William it's beautiful!" I said as I went over to hug him.
"You should probably not underestimate my surprises" He said chuckling.
"I won't anymore, I promise" I said to him realizing something. "Does that mean... You'll be taking me on other dates?" I asked him.
"As long as you keep saying yes, I would take you out until time runs out" He said as he bent over to hug me tightly.

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A/N: OH MA GOD! This acutally took me soo much to write!! it's actually 3.2K words so appreciate the effort please I nearly died writting it :p
Just kidding, xD but yeah, I hope you like it! and I would love it if you leave a vote and a comment, also I want a small favor, could you check my friend's book? "The queen bee and the Wannabe" by @Alineyaacoub01 ? Trust me it's awesome, and she really needs the support, also the book got me hooked so I thik you would like it.

As always though stay awesome because you're the best (WE REACHED 14K)


LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVEEEEEEEE FAB XX