I 'woke' up, with the same old feeling inside me, the same old lump in my throat, the same old pain, and the same old urge to stay inside of my dark room with my thoughts for centuries.
I wore whatever I found and took my iPod with me and sat in the bus alone, scrolled through the songs and thought of enjoying one before someone tries to disturb my already disturbed peace.
The bus came to a stop, I saw a guy get in the bus and take a seat, he looked nice, and by nice I mean attractive, he has sky blue eyes, from what I once noticed, and he's in one of the classes my "friend" attends.
As we finally arrived to what they call school, I just got up quickly and left, trying to ignore any person coming my way, headed to class and took a seat, shuffling through my textbook, but my mind was just repeating what I've been called earlier, bringing me every second passing, closer to the edge of breaking down.
The bell finally rang, students started to take their seats, the teacher walked into the class with a stack of paper in his hands.
as everyone was settled, he placed the papers on his desk, and started talking about things I didn't bother much to focus on.
by the time I gained focus again, he said he's going to hand us our test papers. Knowing I didn't really think of studying for it, I was sure I failed.
After giving the tests for few students, he came to my desk, wearing a frown, which means I failed, but failing math is probably the least of my concerns right now.
He gave me the paper, a "D+" written on it with red, I was proud of myself, he wasn't though, but hey, it's better than nothing.
after a good fifteen minutes, the bell rang. I packed and headed outside.
"Not you, Lenny" I sighed, turned around and went to the teacher's desk.
Mr. Johnson took off his glasses and looked at me, sighed, then spoke again; "why aren't you studying? you used to be better than this". used to, as in not now, I was better than this, please put emphasis on was, because right now, I'm nothing more than a complete mess.
"Here's the deal" he murmured. "Get a B on the test on Monday, and I won't call your mother" I nodded, and headed to my next class; Arts.
By the time I got to class, everyone was already settled, and the thing is, once I opened the door, there was at least twenty pairs of eyes fixed at me.
I awkwardly took a vacant seat, and waited for the teacher to speak.
"Alright students" she looked at us. "We're going to head to the other class room so you can finish you pottery assignment" I sighed, yes, I love arts, but pottery is not my thing.
"Hii lenny!!" Madison, one of my friends came over.
"Hii there!"
"I was wondering, do you want to sit next to me now?" I thought about it for a moment, and let's be honest, it won't do harm. "Yeah sure"
And with that, we sat next to each other in class, and I must admit, she's pretty good, while I was struggling with the mud, she was way ahead of me.
Long story short: arts was terrible, but I managed to get rid of the spherical mud and now I have a hole in it.. thanks to Madison of course.
Lunch time came, and I sat next to my other 'Friends'
"So we gotta hang out this weekend, Lenny you in?" Trinity asked me.
"Uh yeah I can try, where?" I don't want to hang out, if something I have to study for my test. "Um guys actually... I have to study, and I suck at math, so I doubt I'll be able to make it" I, for once. said something honestly.
Caroline offered helping me, and now I found myself a distraction for Saturday.
Which is good.
The day was over, and you can say, I'm pretty "excited" for the weekend, for no reason actually.
When I came home, there was two unfamiliar cars parked outside, which only meant one thing: My mom has people over. great.
I walked in awkwardly, my mom greeted me with a wide smile.
"I thought it would be fun to have some of my friends here, and Martin, to spend the rest of the day here with us, and look! Martha my friend has a son! and he's pretty attractive!!" She giggled, I faked one, she's trying, and sometimes, it seems so pathetic.
"Alright everyone" the only three persons looked at her-and me- "So this is Lenny, Lenny, this is Martha, and you know Martin, and this, is Martha's son, William"
I awkwardly waved hi, and excused myself to my room, just to change.
I came back downstairs, and sat on the couch where William was. I must admit he is, pretty much, sorry, VERY attractive, and I found myself secretly looking at him.
He had green eyes, shaggy brown hair, a jawline probably God himself carved, 'decorated' with a bit of facial hair.
"Hey" he spoke, his voice is so deep and seductive I think I found it hard to breathe. I was shaking at some point and I hope it wasn't obvious.
"H-hi" Yeah, I'm screwed.
"Are you okay? because you look like you're having a heart attack." Yeah no, okay okay, breathe in, breathe out, he's just a boy, he's just a boy, breathe, breathe. I nervously giggled, and shook my head no. "I mean yes, I'm okay, not no, you know, like no I'm not having a heart attack and oh God" I lowered my voice at the end.
He chuckled, okay that's something. why is he looking at me. why is he looking at my shirt is there something wrong with me why am I overthinking STOP.
"Hold up" He said and now I'm pretty sure there's something wrong. "you like My chemical romance?" He had a smile on his face now. oh okay.
"Yeah" I chuckled, just trying to find a way to let my nervousness out. "you like them too?"
"YES" he sort of said excitedly, I smiled, he smiled too, it was a nice warm moment.
"Okay so if you like my chemical romance, that means you must like Panic! at the disco too, right?" I said to him while trying to get lost in his eyes.
"I LOVE THEM" I laughed, and thus, we were talking about bands we both love, it was nice, I needed a nice moment like this.
"What school do you go to? 'cause like I never see you around" I asked him.
"Oh, I'm a senior at Regan's high, I live twenty minutes away from here, and I mostly hang out downtown, so that probably explains why you never saw me around" I enjoy hearing his voice.
"I actually go to Pacific Bell, I'm a sophmore" I smiled, it's weird how a person I've met half an hour ago was able to make me feel so okay.
YOU ARE READING
Diaries of a suicidal mind(Under editing)
Teen Fiction"I wish I had the stockholm syndrome, I wish I fell in love with depression, because at this point anxiety and depression are taking a toll on my soul, keeping me hostage in my bed, on my own, for days"
