Immortal City

Chapter 47

Chapter 47
Shutdown

Hindi ko alam kung ilang oras na ang lumipas. Hindi pa rin ako umaalis sa pwesto ko. Nakaluhod lang sa tapat ng walang buhay kong ina, tulala at hindi na makapag-isip ng tama. Kahit ang tunog ng ambulansya at ng mga taong paparating para tumulong ay hindi ko na halos marinig.

I can't make sense of anything anymore.

"Celestine."

May tumawag ba sa'kin? Tama ba na narinig ko ang pangalan ko?

They're taking my mom away. They're lifting her up, carrying her to the vehicle. I reach for her slowly with a trembling hand, and I don't even know why. I don't know how I'm still able to keep myself sane. Am I still sane?

I watch with worn out eyes as they take my mom away.

Too late.

They're too late.

She's gone now.

She's never coming back.

"I'm sorry for your loss," the same person tells me.

Siya rin nga ba ang tumawag sa'kin? I don't know. I don't know anymore. I'm just so tired. I want all of this to end soon. I want it to end now. Someone end it now.

"Celestine," she says again, now with a familiar authoritative tone in her voice.

Ah. So, it's Miss Yajima.

She squats down to my height, her hands on my shoulders. She's looking straight into my eyes, but I'm not sure if we're seeing eye to eye. I'm not sure if I'm even looking at her. Hindi naman ako pumipikit pero bakit hindi ko alam kung tama ba ang nakikita ko. Hindi ko na alam kung anong nangyayari sa'kin.

"Get up," she sternly says, pressing my shoulders firmly. "You're stronger than this, Celestine."

A single tear escapes from my eye.

"Get up."

She helps me up to my feet, but my knees give out and I almost fall back. Still, Miss Yajima relentlessly keeps my body upright. She supports my weak frame, lifting my arm over her shoulders. And tears start to pour out again. But I try not to make a sound. I hold it in. I hold it in like what I always do.

"I'm sorry," she says, "for not being able to come sooner."

Tulala pa rin ako at walang tigil ang mga luha sa pagpatak.

"But we can't bring back what's gone. No matter how hard we try... we can only move forward."

With a heavy heart, I find my voice. I ask her so blankly, "Have you ever lost someone?"

Miss Yajima looks at me, her eyes turning soft. It's the first time I've ever seen her wear a solemn expression. Then she gives me a bittersweet smile. "Too many times."

I vaguely nod, slowly looking down, and I see the stains of my mother's blood on the cold hard ground. An image of her dying smile lingers still in my mind.

"Come," Miss Yajima says, "you're not safe here."

Hindi ko na nasundan ang lumipas na oras. Hindi ko na rin alam kung kailan ako tumigil sa pag-iyak. Hindi ko alam kung anong nararamdaman ko o kung mayroon pa ba. Ang tanging alam ko lang ay gusto ko nang matapos ang lahat. Gusto ko nang makalaya.