Actions Speak Louder Than Words (A One Direction Fan Fiction)

Chapter Thirty

I quickly shook myself and continued into my house, thinking about what just happened. I just couldn’t get it out of my head, the way Niall was acting, something was different with him, and not in a good way. “Why was he acting so strange?” was the question that played over and over again in my mind like a broken record, and I just couldn’t place an answer.

I went straight to my room and grabbed the Dirty Dancing DVD, I’d almost forgot what I’d come home for. I was about to close my door when I noticed it lying on my pillow. A little white envelope, with my name on it, straight away I knew that it was Niall’s handwriting. The curiosity was building up inside me, What could be inside it? What would Niall be writing me a letter for, he could just say whatever it was to me, couldn’t he? Suddenly the worst possible scenario popped into my head and I sprinted to my bed and grabbed the envelope. I sat down on the edge of my bed and with trembling fingers I ripped it open and revealed a piece of plain white paper with a long letter scribbled over the front and back of the page. I began to read, worry over coming the rest of my emotions.

Dear Jennifer,

I’m not really sure how I’m going to say all the things I want to say in this letter, there’s so much you need to know, but I’ll do my best. I’m going to start by saying I love you, more than anything in the world. You were the only one who believed I could do anything I wanted.  You made me believe in my dreams and you made me believe in second chances. For all those things I am eternally grateful.

I drank a beer tonight, for the first time in a good while now. It was just school was getting too much on me. Those mocks were so hard, the pressure was immense, and if that’s only the mocks, what chance would I have for the real thing? I know I was supposed to tell you if I had a problem but I couldn’t do it, I’m sick of being the weak one, but it’s just not in me to deal with the academic pressure. I’m so sorry, but now I need to fix things. I can’t go on any more like this, it’s not fair to anybody, especially you. You gave me my second chance and I was so lucky you did that. But I’ve breeched your trust one too many times now.

I lied, I promised you I’d never drink again and I also promised you I’d be the kind of guy you deserved. I broke both of those promises. You deserve the world Jennifer, but I can’t give that to you. You need to find yourself someone who will treat you right and maybe someday you’ll find someone who will give you the world. I sincerely hope you do. I’m leaving because I’m not the one for you, and if I don’t have you then I have no reason to live. Without you there’s no hope in my life, I realised that when we weren’t together a while back. I’m leaving now, when all the good memories of us and your beauty are still fresh in my mind, I’ll be happy that way. I can have my memories with you and watch you make memories with someone else. I have gone to the place where my best memory with you lies, to relive that moment before I leave. Where we first kissed, where I fell in love within seconds. It’s a memory I want to relive again and again and this way, I’ll never forget it.

Goodbye Jen, I love you for the whole of eternity. Now go get the world and be happy, for me, please.

I love you,

Niall x

I was numb all over, I couldn’t feel a thing. I sprang up from the bed, and began running, the letter still firm in my grip, I knew where he was, I hoped I still had time, I prayed I still had time. I ran and I ran, as fast as I could; and the further I ran, the less numb I felt, the more my heart was splitting into thousands of tiny little pieces.

Why was he doing this? Did he really think this was his only option?

I felt the lump in my throat grow and grow until I felt as though I was choking and couldn’t breathe. Then the tears started to flow violently from my eyes. I spluttered out the tears as I continued to run as fast as I could. The road to the Dublin bridge seemed to have moved a hundred miles further away, All I could think about was: What if I turned up a second too late? Or what if he had already done it? A small part of me tried it’s hardest to say “It’s okay, he’ll be fine, don’t worry.” But the rest of me was too over powering with negative thoughts.

He couldn’t do this! He couldn’t leave me! I don’t care about getting the world, I care about him! My head was spinning and I felt as though I was about to faint. But I was determined to get to him. My face was soaking with tears and I’d rather be stabbed several times rather than feel the pain that lies in my chest.

I was crying uncontrollably by the time I reached the DublinBridge, I took several deep breaths before I could even look across the bridge. My heart stopped when I saw him standing on top of the wall in the exact place where we first kissed. The water was very choppy and looked very dangerous. In a way Niall looked very calm, at peace with himself nearly, in contradiction to the water below him.

“Don’t do it!” I screamed, running towards him and allowing the tears to fall down my cheeks again.

Niall turned to face me, a shocked expression on his face.

“You really think this is your only option?! What’s best for everyone?” I yelled, crying uncontrollably once again.

Niall stared at me, not moving an inch, as though he couldn’t hear a word I was saying.

“You need to leave.” He said impassively.

“Niall what are you doing?” I sobbed “This isn’t you, where’s the fun, loving, sweet boy I love?”

”He left the moment he broke your heart.” Niall said, edging dangerously towards the edge of the wall.

“That’s not true, because I believe that boy is still there, and my heart only just broke a few minutes ago when I read this letter.” I cried holding up the letter.

I could see him gulp back tears.

He said nothing.

“Niall, please come down from there. I love you and I’m not going to let you do this.” I said, fear over-coming my emotions.

“This has everyone’s best interests at heart.” He said.

“You really think that?!” I scoffed, fearfully. “You really think your parents and Greg would be happier with you gone? What about Liam and Ciara? And all the rest of your friends? You really think they’d be happier with you out of their lives? Niall you bring sunshine to everyone’s lives, you’re going through a rough patch, but with the help of everyone, you’ll get through this! And as for me, do you really think I could be happy without you. You keep saying you love me and all that shit but actions speak louder than words Niall and all I see is you leaving me!" I took a deep breath. "I fell in love with you Niall, but it’s not so easy to fall out of love.” I began to calm down slightly but the pain and fear was still so powerful.

He shook his head, looking into the water.

“You fell in love with the boy who promised to be your everything.”

“He’s still there, you’re still him!” I exclaimed painfully. “If you jump, I’m coming in after you.” I added, matter-of-factly.

“You can’t! It’s too dangerous!” He shot his eyes back at me.

“Well then it’s up to you, come down and we can fix everything together, or jump and we can die together.” The words shook me to the core, but after I’d said it, I realised that’s what I’d do for him, I’d go to any length to be happy with him. I just prayed silently in my mind that he’d go with the first option.

He stood there still not moving a muscle, staring intently at the water, as if he were weighing up his options. I was shaking all over, preparing for what may lead to my death.

Suddenly he took a step back away from the water and slowly jumped off the wall and onto the footpath I ran to him and held him so tight, as if my life depended on it. The two of us began crying hysterically into each other.

“I’m so sorry.” Niall sobbed loudly.

“I know, it’s okay.” I choked on my tears.

We slid down the wall onto the cold footpath in each others arms crying our hearts out. My heartbeat began to slow down and little bit by little bit, I could feel the tiny fragments of my heart make their way back together again.

Le creyys! :'( so sad, I love Niall! <3

Hope you like it, that's pretty much it! :) got another part and then that's it! :(

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