Actions Speak Louder Than Words (A One Direction Fan Fiction)

Chapter Twenty-Five

I was not looking forward to the following Monday; returning to school after the holidays. It meant seeing Niall for the first time since I “broke up” with him. He rang non-stop all that evening but I couldn’t bring myself to answer the phone. I needed some time to think and some space. I know I really thought it was a huge mistake to say we needed a break but I thought that there had to be a reason, somewhere deep in my subconscious, I must have thought it was a good idea. So I needed the time to figure out what that reason was and was it the best thing to do. But after that first evening, he didn’t ring again. And as the days wore on, I had no answers, and no Niall to talk to; so I basically felt like pure rubbish. I started getting more and more afraid that Niall didn’t care about me anymore, that he felt happy enough without me, or that maybe he hated me for doing that to him, especially when he needed support. Eventually I had to stop thinking about him because it worried me too much when I over think things so I was better off just not thinking about him at all – easier said than done.

I purposely left late for school on that first morning back. I left just enough time to get into school, to get my books I needed from my locker and made it just in time for role call. I sat beside Ciara in role call but didn’t have my usual chit chat with her about all the gossip and talking about what we did over the break. Niall and Liam sat together on the opposite side of the room, I tried my best to keep my eyes off him but out of force of habit, I kept looking in his direction. I caught him looking at me too a few times. He wasn’t looking great if I’m completely honest, he had black bags under his eyes, he looked as though he hadn’t slept for days. Come to think of it, that’s exactly how I looked when I looked at myself in the mirror that morning, it had been one of those days where you glance in the mirror once and just don’t want to see it again. Once or twice our eyes locked from across the room, and for that split second, everything seemed okay, like all my troubles had disappeared. But that feeling didn’t last very long and as soon as one of us tore our eyes away, all the hurt and anger and sadness returned. 

“Hey Niall told me you broke it off with him?!” Ciara stated seemingly very concerned.

I shook my head.

“Can we not talk about that now, I’ll tell you everything another time.” I snapped.

I really did not want to have to tell Ciara about it all. Usually if anything major happened in my love life, Ciara would know within minutes of it happening, but this was different, I couldn’t bring myself to tell her. I don’t know was it because I feared she’d judge me, or that she’d say she knew this wouldn’t end well. I don’t know what it was, but I was afraid of something.

“Fine…” Ciara put her hands up in defence.

And with that the conversation was ended and I went back to my thoughts.

Soon afterwards the bell went and I got up from my seat, grabbing my bag and headed to my first class. Oh yes, double biology and then business, I thought to myself those were the classes I usually hated the most because neither Niall, Ciara or Liam were in them. But for once I was glad because I just did not want to talk to any of them, I just wanted to be left alone.

I concentrated on what we were learning in class, and for once I was more interested in what we were doing in class than what was going on in my mind.

At break I thought another good distraction would be to organise my locker. I like things to be organised, but with the hustle and bustle of sixth year it had ended up a mess so I thought this was a good opportunity to fix it.

The middle three classes were English, Irish and maths. Niall was in my maths and English classes. I usually sit beside him in English, but I couldn’t believe my luck when Ms. Carey said we were moving to a different classroom because her projector wasn’t working. I ended up sitting at the top of the class beside a girl named Louise, I had spoken to her a bit before and she was a really nice girl. I was also grateful that we were sitting up the front, it made it a lot easier to concentrate on English, especially when Niall was in the class room.

The classes went by fairly quickly and the day was nearing the end. But I still had to get through all of lunch time while avoiding my friends. I decided to bring my sandwich up to the study hall and do some studying at lunch. It was quiet, peaceful, a distraction and a place I doubt my friends would look for me, if they were looking for me.

“I thought I’d find you here.” I heard a low familiar voice state.

I looked to my left hand side to confirm that I wasn’t hearing things.

“How did you know I’d be here?” I asked nervously.

“You always study when there’s something on your mind.” He stated.

That boy new me all too well. I nodded, staring down at the books in front of me. There was a moment of silence between us.

“I went to see Ms. Ryan this morning.” Niall whispered.

Ms. Ryan was the guidance counsellor in our school.

“That’s really good.” I smiled, making eye contact for a second before looking back down.

He nodded.

“I didn’t tell her much today, but I’m seeing her again on Thursday.”

“Oh right.” I mumbled.

It took another while before either of us spoke again.

“I only did it for you…” he stated, matter-of-factly.

This caught my attention straight away.

“What? Why? How?” I spluttered.

He shrugged his shoulders, looking at his feet while his hands were shoved in his pockets.

“You gave me some courage, you’re the reason I want to be better…” he said.

“Niall, this is something you need to do for yourself.” I said, standing up to face him. “There’s no point in doing this for anyone else, because at the end of the day, you can only trust yourself.”

“Jennifer, if it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t be getting help at all, you made me realise I have a problem that I need to fix!” he said honestly. “But now I don’t know if I have you any more, have I lost you?” he looked so worried and waited in dreaded anticipation for my answer.

“You still have me Niall, I’m still your friend.” I smiled weakly.

“Then tell me why you’ve been avoiding your friends all day?” he asked.

I returned my stare to the ground.

“I haven’t been avoiding ye…”

“Jen, it’s the first day back after Christmas holidays and you’re spending your lunch in the study hall; you’re avoiding something.”

Ugh why does he have to know everything?! I scowled internally.

“Well I didn’t get done half the studying I wanted to do over Christmas so I need to catch up with my plan!” I half lied.

Niall raised an eyebrow.

“Okay fine I was avoiding ye…” I gave in.

“Will you please spend the rest of lunch with us?” He grinned.

“I don’t know Niall…” I hesitated.

His grin widened as if to say please. How could I resist that adorable face?!

“Alright.” I agreed and walked off towards the lunch area with my best friend/(ex) boyfriend?

Oh what the hell am I doing, I was still in love with him and I wanted nothing more than to be his girlfriend, but I feared too much that he wasn’t interested any more.

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