We're Just Two Bros (M Jesse X Lukas)

Chapter 8

POV Jesse

Damn it. Damn it. Damn it!

Why did I have to be so mean to Lukas? Maybe the closet. I don't know. I don't fucking know.

In such a short time my hormones drove every emotion. I like Lukas. We were so close. I can't describe how I felt. I didn't exactly plan that. But... I sort of did.

I always have weird fantasies.... and sometimes I wish they were real. I thought the closet would bring us closer, but it only drove us apart. I thought maybe we could have got a little intimate.

I froze. I would have scared my best friend if I did anything. You can't just jump to full makeout sessions the moment you realize you like someone. I do not know if he likes me back. I do not know anything.

Sure, we are best friends, but I still don't know so much about him. I only know what he tells me, or what I observe. There is always so much running through people's heads, it's hard to know their true feelings.

I do know that he is a very caring person. And I need to apologize. He takes everything to heart and I cannot make him think I hate him. I do not understand why I had such anger over a stupid incident.

I am absolutely terrible.

I grab my phone off my nightstand and call Lukas. It goes straight to voice-mail.

"Lukas, I'm sorry for calling at two in the morning. I am really sorry for earlier this night. I truly am. Please forgive me. You can come over tomorrow, I'd like to make it up to you. I let my anger get the best of me. I don't even know why I was mad. Bye Lukas. Please call me later," I say.

It feels much better to get that off my chest. Like my insides were knotted up. I am terribly tired. I close my eyes and fall asleep.

The next morning I am woken up with a text from Lukas.

Lukas- It was only the silent treatment. It will be okay. It's not like you even know where your anger came from or what exactly caused it. I will be over at one, we can clear any misunderstandings.

I glance at my alarm clock. 12:56. I really slept in.

I rush downstairs when I hear the ring of the doorbell. I cautiously open the door, I don't want to seem over the top excited for his visit.

We head upstairs to my room. I am a little overwhelmed with anxiety. I don't exactly know how to tell Lukas about what happened. I am definitely going to jump around the subject that I might be gay and that I may have a crush on Lukas.

"So...," Lukas says.

"Look. I am really sorry about the party. I didn't mean to upset you or anything," I say.

"It's alright, Jesse."

No. No it's not. I basically sexually assaulted you, sort of? It is not like you would consent even if I asked you. "Lukas, are you sure?"

"Of course. I saw it as you were mad and didn't want to be bothered. Plain and simple."

"D-Did you want to leave? Did... I scare you-"

"No."

Damnit. You can't be telling the truth. The room falls silent. Sweat covers my palms. My stomach is all tied up knots. I cannot think. We sit on my bed in silence. I drop my head down and turn away. I feel his eyes beaming on me.

"Umm... Jesse?"

Lukas rests his hand on my shoulder, sending a jolt through my body. I clench my eyes closed, only focusing on the shapes formed in my eye lids. Am I mad? I cannot be because Lukas said everything was okay. Is okay enough? I feel like a terrible person. Tears sprout from my eyes. I use my hands to hide. Hide from Lukas?

"Jesse..."

I remember when I comforted him when he told me his... secret. I almost forgot about it. It made me excited. He liked a guy. I was trying to be really comforting to him. When he told me that, half of me wanted to tell him how I felt about him.

Lukas hugs me. His warm arms untie the knot. He is... amazing at comforting people. I feel... better? If he were mad at me, he would not do that. Right?

Lukas releases the hug and pulls my hands away from my face. He hands me a tissue from his pocket.

"I am always prepared," he says, give me a smile.

He always can make me laugh. "Thanks..." I... I want to find some way to repay him. Really. He is such a great friend. Even if we never get together, I want him in my life till the day I die. I.

"Aren't you going to say something like 'I am such a sap'? I find that you say that alot when you show more emotion infront of others," he says in a lighthearted tone.

"I don't say that," I laugh. I don't know. Maybe I do.

"You sure?"

"Maybe."

"Anyways, have you watched any good shows lately. We've been so obsessed with videogames, that I forgot to ask."

I scoot back to my original spot on my bed. "I don't know. What about you?"

"Well..."

We talk about different animes that are on Netflix.

I feel much better now that we can talk normally. A part of me wants to share my secret right at this very moment. Another part of me wants to wait for the perfect moment. And a third part of me wants to borrow that secret deep down inside of my body. So I might actually tell him sometime.

We play a bunch of different videogames over the next couple hours. We snack on chips and other junk foods.

My door creaks open. I pause the game.

"Jesse," My dad says as he walks in. "I know we should have told you sooner, but you probably guessed it. Me and mom got officially divorced. She is trying to get full custody on you. I love you Jesse. I hope you understand why I want to fight against her."

I did not know that a drunk, waste of matter would want to keep me after all she has done. I told Lukas some of the horrible things she has done to me. "Dad, I love you too. I hope you win."

Dad gives me a hug before heading out of the room and closing the door behind him.

"I know how you feel about your mom. I hope everything works out," Lukas says, drawing me into his endless pools for eyes.

What if I have to move? I am sure Dad can pay for the house because he gives Mom beer money. So he won't have to anymore.

"I hope so too."

I take a deep breath. "Lukas?" I think I have enough courage.

"Yeah."

"I.... have something that I need to put in the open..."