The Gang

*28

"YOU FUCKEN PROMISED ME JOSEPH. YOU PROMISED ME IT WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN." I screamed with tears running down my face.

People were right. Ones a cheater always a cheater.

Last night I came back from LA. I decided to go visit my friends that side.

When I walked into our room I found Joey and a girls sleeping in our bed.

I got so mad I just walked out slamming the doors as I was walking out the house.

As I was got into my car I called Cameron. His like a new older brother to me.

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C- Cameron & L- Lilly.
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L- Hey Cam. Is it fine if I come over?
C- Hey Lilly, yeah sure.

L- Thank you and I'll explain everything ones I get there.
C- Anytime and okay.

*End of call.

I can't believe Joey. I've only been gone for a week.

Why does he do this to me? What did I do to deserve this.

He is breaking me. His making me feel like I'm not wanted here.

One night he's telling me that we're a team then his telling me he can't breath.

He tells me I'm the one then his done.

I can't go on like this, in less than four days we are getting married.

Doesn't that cross his mind? His gotta chose, I can't go on like this.

I don't deserve this. He doesn't deserve me. Yeah I may sound selfish now but I'm just protecting my innocent.

This is why I hate making promises. He promised me that he won't do it again and here I am going to Cameron's house trying to forget all of this.

No I'm not gonna do something with Cam I'm just going to him to talk it out.

I don't understand men.

My mom always told me "Weak people, Revenge. Strong people, forgive and Intelligent people, ignore."

I was a strong person that's why I forgave Joey. Thinking he won't do it again, thinking what he meant was true.

He thinks I'm a joke well if that's what he thinks I am then I'll leave him like a it's funny.

I stopped in front of Cameron's house and got out.

I walked up to the door and before I could knock the door opened.

"Hey, you okay. You sounded off over the phone?" he asked and I just broke in to tears.

"Shh. Shh. Let it all out I'm here." he said stocking my hair as I stood in his embrace crying my eyes out.

I lied I'm not strong. Fuck you Joseph. Honestly fuck myself for being so soft.

Have you ever had that feeling? That feeling of hating someone but you also miss them.

You just miss the way they hurt you. It doesn't feel nice but you'll take anything just to be with them?

Just want to leave but a half of you is so attracted to them that if you leave them if feels like your world is gonna end?

Well fuck, that's the feeling I'm having now. Honestly I don't know what to feel.

Everyone is so fake towards me, why?

I make friends and think that the friendship will last but it all back fires in my face.

I get into a relationship, spilling my heart out for that person, saying that I'll take a bullet for them. I'd kill for them.

I'd do anything and I mean anything to keep them happy. But it's just as easing and giving that person the gun pointing it to my head and hoping they just don't pull the trigger.

Life sucks. It does I know. Reality just hit me with a fucken hard punch in my face.

I hate it, why me, am I not good enough for people to like me.

Is it my hair?
My skin?
My body?

(Girls!!! Y'all should never think like that about yourself. You're beautiful in and out. You have a purpose in life.

Don't do something stupid like self harm that will effect people who actually care just because of people who are blind not to see your beauty.

You are loved, even if it doesn't seem/ feel like it.

God our Father in Heaven made you to be you. Not to impress others. Not waste you energy trying to make people understand you when they aren't met to understand you.

Your hair, skin and body is beautiful, yeah we all have our flaws I'm not saying that you should be "perfect" that's impossible for us humans to be perfect. I may not know y'all in person but I LOVE  y'all so much, y'all are on my mind, and I thankfull to have y'all in my life.

If I have to be honest with y'all, I have never had a boyfriend in my whole life. Seeing my friends get into relationships every month/ year with another guy makes me jealous. Many times I have tried to change myself (in and out) and it never work. I have learned that it will never work my time will come when it comes. I have learned that I don't have to change myself for other people. If they don't accept me for me the stuff shit for them.

I love who I am. My parents did a good job with me. And I hope y'all feel the same way about yourself. Don't be embarrassed of yourself that's your parents job (not in a bad way by embarrassed I mean how you act - being weird in public ect.)

You just live your life to the fullest and love you for you.)

Okay I'm done preaching. But I hope y'all will take it with you were ever you go.❤️❤️❤️❤️
Back to the story.

I don't know. I've never been that type to think so about myself.

But it all change because of people like that, people who pulled the trigger.

Joey was my one and only but for him I seamed like one of his toys.

I hate being played. Definitely when it comes to my feelings.

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End.
Hope y'all like it and don't forget about my message 👆❤️❤️❤️