War can be a Son Of A Bitch

Paradox what?

Scene opens on a shot of the Gods' home floating in space. Zooming in, Tucker appears standing alone on a balcony, leaning on the railing. Kaikaina walks up behind him.

SISTER: Having some quiet, huh?

TUCKER: Yeah. I found a weird door.

SISTER: You left it open.

TUCKER: That figures. I am pretty thoughtless.

SISTER: If that's how it's gonna be, man.

TUCKER: Wait. [Turns around.] K, you... I mean... I need to apologize. What I called you was awful. I wanted to cram the words right back into my mouth.

SISTER: [Sighs.] I know you did. [Walks up next to Tucker.] I was... chubby. I mean, I still am but... back when I was a teenager, I didn't love it. In high school, everyone was screwin' each other, and I wasn't ready, and it's like, you say "frigid," suddenly I'm in short pants at Wailuku High, hearing it again for the first time.

TUCKER: I'm sorry.

SISTER: Yeah, I know... ya dummy.

TUCKER: Man. I just... I had this feeling! And it kept growing! And it was so hard—

SISTER: [Snickers.] Bow chicka bow wow.

TUCKER: Chuh.

SISTER: I'm sorry too. I kinda ate your heart. Looks like we both blurt out dumb things when we feel small.

TUCKER: K, I like you.

SISTER: Just like that...

TUCKER: I really like you. And maybe I went about expressing it the wrong way.

SISTER: Maybe?!

TUCKER: But... I still like you! Regardless!

SISTER: I'm not great with feelings, Tucker. ...But yeah. I think I had feelings for you, too.

TUCKER: Had?

SISTER: Yeah, you kinda snuffed 'em out.

TUCKER: Yeah. Par for the course. Everything I touch, I—I fuck! I fucked you. I fucked England. I fucked Washington.

SISTER: Hell yeah.

TUCKER: I'm being serious here. You don't understand. I'm responsible for his injury. My friend, my mentor! I did this to him!

SISTER: Come on.

TUCKER: You weren't there. I rushed in like an idiot, and I got him shot.

SISTER: Oh, were you supposed to babysit the elite killing machine?

TUCKER: He was looking right at me when it happened! Oh god, K, he was looking right at me!

SISTER: And what are you gonna do, huh?

TUCKER: I don't know.

SISTER: I'll tell you what you're gonna do, Mister Pity Party. One of two things. You ready? You will either A: do nothing, or B: try and save Wash and risk freeing an all-powerful time god. Not much of a choice, is it?

TUCKER: Yep. Okay. Loud and clear.

Cut to Tucker back inside.

Alaska: We need to go back and save Wash.

SISTER: Is brain damage contagious?

TUCKER: Donut has the Hammer! It's out of the game.

CABOOSE: I miss you, Ms. Whack-Man.

TUCKER: We have Chrovos's time guns. And that's something.

GRIF: [Sarcastically.] I feel like... we already had this conversation.