War can be a Son Of A Bitch

Red vs Red

A ship flying on the ocean, approaches an island.

Dylan: Coming up on the island.

Simmons: How are we going to know if they're here?

Dylan: I got a feeling they'll see us before we see them- (Alarm)

Dylan: Yep. There's our answer. Someone just locked missiles.

Alaska: Shields up! Go to red alert!

Sarge: What does this hawk have in the way of countermeasures?

Dylan: Well, if they shoot, we can counter by exploding. That's about it.

Simmons: Yeah, let's make that plan B.

Dylan: Our autopilot is worse than useless against guided missiles. I- I don't suppose any of you moonlight as combat pilots?

Grif: Oh! I crashed a ship once- uhh, it was technically a tactical crash.

Tucker: Yeah, I think I prefer plan B.

Two missiles are fired.

Alaska: Incoming! Twelve o'clock. Grif!

Grif: Just a minute! I still haven't figured out how to invert the controller scheme.

The ship dives as the missiles fly above it.

Grif: Whoo! That was on purpose!

A barrage of missiles are fired.

Dylan: Oh, heck.

The ship does a barrel roll to evade two missiles and flies above two more, but another warhead hits it straight on. Inside the ship, sparkles fly. Outside, it's a big blast and the ship is falling as Surge and Temple watch from the island.

Surge: Direct hit, sir. She's going down.

Temple: Thanks. I fucking noticed.

Surge: I still think we should have eliminated-

Temple: Enough! Looks like you'll get your wish after all.

The ship crashes on the ocean.

Surge: Shall I lead the greeting party?

Temple: We've got more important things to do. Have Lorenzo and Cronut roll out the red carpet while we secure the facility.

Surge: Uh, permission to speak freely, sir?

Temple: Nah.

Surge: Alright, then. [towards the edge] You heard the man, men! Let's show our guests some hospitality!

Tanks and jeeps show up in front of Surge.

On the beach, the Reds and Blues - Lopez only a head again - plus Dylan and Jax, stare at the wreckage.

Jax: Okay, I know I sound like a broken record. But you definitely should have been-

Grif: Would you shut up about the leaf on the wind shit?! I got us out alive, you're freaking welcome.

Dylan: The Revere's totaled. The comm array is still functioning, but not for long. That's gonna cost someone an arm and a leg.

Sarge: You mean besides Lopez?

Simmons: Hey, Lopez! How about we turn you into a little backpack like C-3PO at the end of Empire?

Lopez: Por favor, no. Solo dejame la sombra. He tenido suficiente acción para siempre. [Please, no. Just leave me in the shade. I've had enough action for ever.]