War can be a Son Of A Bitch

Your cloak and dagger

Fade in to F.A.C Outpost 37, cuts to the Blood Gulch Crew standing in a hallway.

Tucker: Okay, hold up. You're telling me that the Feds are just as helpless as the New Republic? I thought they were evil!

Donut: Well, we thought you were being brainwashed by terrorists!

Grif: Terrorists? Our soldiers are a bunch of harmless morons!

Sarge: Your soldiers?

Alaska: They were all promoted to Captains, they gave them squads and everything.

Caboose: (quietly) Blue Team for life.

Alaska: Not now Caboose!

Sarge: Clearly our enemy isn't as cunning as we once thought.

Washington: We don't have an enemy. As far as I can tell, both of these forces have reasons to fight, and neither are particularly guilt-free. We've just been caught in the middle.

Tucker: (emphatic) But, the rebels aren't bad! Some of them are our friends.

Washington: And we managed to make a few allies within the Federal Army. None of this makes either side any better. The New Republic started this war with extremest attacks on the capitol.

Tucker: (hostile) But only because the government was screwing them!

Grif: You gotta admit, it sounds kinda like a dick move.

Alaska: We need to get these two sides to talk to one another. Doyle is in the capitol at the moment, but maybe he can get Kimball to agree to a meeting. If they can come to some sort of understanding, we might be able to end this thing, and go home.

Simmons: (uneasy) This isn't right.

Washington: Believe me, there's plenty wrong with this situation. But I think this is our best move. I'm just glad you guys made it.

Simmons: (emphatic) No, seriously, I mean this doesn't feel right. I just can't figure out what it is!

Sarge: Is it a false sense of superiority? That's probably a side effect of the false promotion.

Grif: Minutes after re-uniting and you're already starting shit.

Sarge: What did you expect, breakfast in bed?

Grif: I hate you.

Sarge: I hate you more.

Simmons: Wait, do you hear that?

Tucker: (unsure) Uhh... No.

Donut: You okay, Simmons?

Simmons: What happened to the alarms?

Cut to outside the base, Warthog are overturned and weapons on the ground. There are no soldiers in sight.

Caboose: (confused) Uhh... Is it lunch time again?

Washington: (loudly) Hello? Dr. Grey? Anybody?!

Tucker: Dude. What's going on?

Washington: (troubled) I don't know.

Fed Trooper 1: (on radio) Enemy contact, fall back!

Fed Trooper 2: (on radio) Where'd he go? Screams.

Alaska: (yelling) Sarge!

Sarge, Donut, and Lopez drive by in a Rocket-hog.

Sarge: Way ahead of you!

Simmons: (panicked) What is happening?

Washington: We're under attack!

The Rocket-hog drives over a hill. Donut and Sarge get out.