War can be a Son Of A Bitch

Do we keep it?

(Fade in to the Blues and Freckles inside Blue Base)

Tucker: So...Freckles

(Turns to face Tucker)

Tucker: Never mind.

Washington: Caboose...

(Freckles turns to face Washington)

Washington: Tell me again, where did you find, this... robot?

Caboose: His name is Freckles.

Tucker:That's a stupid name.

Freckles turns to Tucker

Tucker: Stupid-cool I mean, great name! I mean, I wish that were my name! Yeah, Freckles is the best name ever that there ever was.

Alaska: Technically it's a Mantis Class Military Assault Droid.

Tucker: Wait, why Mantis?

Washington: Well, you see those legs? They kind of resemble the legs of a preying mantis.

Tucker: No they don't.

Washington: Then, maybe it's the head shape?

Tucker: Yeah, maybe because during the act of procreation they rip off the head off their mate's body and devour it? It's like an act of sexual cannibalism.

Alaska: Euh, what?

Tucker: Eh, I've dated worse.

Caboose: Yeah, I call him Freckles because of the spots on his nose.

Tucker: Well shit, actually I have to give it to Caboose on this one. Robot definitely looks more like a Freckles than a Mantis.

Washington: Fine. Where did you find, Freckles?

Caboose: Well, I was walking, and I was sad, and I missed Church...

Tucker: This is the greatest story of our generation.

Alaska: Amen brother

Washington: Quiet.

Caboose: And then I heard a noise...

Tucker: Seriously, it's like I was there.

Washington: Tucker.

Caboose: Yeah then I saw the little guy under like pieces of rock, and spaceship, and body parts- I had to move those out of the way, and then there he was! And now we're best friends forever, right Freckles?

Freckles: Affirmative, Caboose.

Tucker: Great. Boy meets dog, dog turns out to be a Military-grade killing machine from a crashed spaceship.

Alaska: Caboose. Um, you know, a pet is a lot of responsibility.

Caboose: That is why I will water him and I will feed him every day.

Tucker: Water and feed? What the hell does this thing run on?

Caboose: It runs on the power of the friendship of our love.

Alaska: What about blood and suffering?

Tucker:This is so fucked up.

Washington: Didn't you give birth to a baby alien a few years back?

Tucker: Whoahoa, let's not bring family into this.

Alaska: Family? He was a parasyte of a alien who tricked you and impregnate you!

Tucker: Still family

Caboose: So, what fun adventures are we going to go on today Freckles?

Tucker: Hah-I'm not doing shit. We're getting rescued soon, remember?