War can be a Son Of A Bitch

The interview Long Teaser

We open up on several overhead shots of a large valley. There are signs of civilization: the foundations of buildings, a beach umbrella, and, notably, a makeshift base at the center.

DYLAN and JAX are walking towards the base.

Dylan: Hello? Somebody! Anybody!

Sarge: (offscreen) Move it! Move it!

Dylan: Hey, slow down! I need to get—

SARGE comes zooming by in a Warthog.

Sarge: No can do! I'm late for battle!

DYLAN and JAX turn and stare off in his direction, startled.

Dylan: Was that...Sarge?

SIMMONS comes zipping by really fast.

Simmons: (unintelligible Esperanto)

Dylan: And Simmons?

TUCKER appears at the top of the base.

Tucker: Yo, Grif! What about the Blue Goo Dolls?

GRIF runs into the shot right next to DYLAN.

Grif: No! Red Zeppelin!

Tucker: The Blue Fighters!

Grif: Uh, the Grateful Red!

Tucker: Oh god, no! Screw you!

TUCKER disappears behind the base.

Dylan: (disbelief) You're Grif! Grif, can you help us?

Grif: (laughing, then blunt) Who the hell are you?

Dylan: Dylan Andrews, Interstellar—

Grif: Whoa, hold up—I just realized how much I don't care.

Dylan: Th—Captain Caboose, he fell off a cliff. I think he's dead.

Grif: Whoa, you killed Caboose? Good job! Can you kill Sarge next—ooh, wait, no! Donut, THEN Sarge!

SIMMONS comes running by again.

Simmons: I sentas hiper kai plenta de enegeria!

Donut: (offscreen, voice unfiltered) Anyone seen my tanning oil?

Grif: Jesus Donut, we have guests! Put some clothes on, for pete's sake!

TUCKER appears again.

Tucker: Oh, Blue-Tang Clan!

Grif: The Red Kennedys!

There is a loud whistling sound, as though something is falling from a great height.

Sarge: (falling with it) SUCK IT NEWTON!

The Warthog falls from the sky and hits the ground in a giant explosion.

Jax: Oh ho ho, pyrotechnics!