War can be a Son Of A Bitch

What Chronicle?

The episode opens up on a few shots of Blood Gulch, still here after all these years. A voice is singing the ever-familiar guitar chords of Trocadero that used to open up every episode. As the voice finishes...

Dylan: The hell are you doing?

We cut to DYLAN ANDREWS and her CAMERAMAN walking through the center of the canyon towards Blue Base.

Cameraman: I am brainstorming a sweet soundtrack for this location.

Dylan: Quit goofing off. I'm ready to start.

DYLAN walks in front of the cameraman, starting up her report.

Dylan: The Reds and Blues were mostly strangers when they were first assigned here: a box canyon that may as well be in the middle of nowhere. From these humble beginnings, they've gone on to influence the galaxy as we know it.

Cameraman: ...are you talking to me or the camera?

Beat. DYLAN stares at the CAMERAMAN.

Dylan: What?

Cameraman: What?

Pause.

Dylan: Did you get that or not?

Cameraman: (nervous laugh) Yeah, I got it. I wasn't rolling though, is that what you mean?

Dylan: Straighten your shit out, Frank.

Cameraman: I'm not Frank. Frank quit.

Dylan: He what?

Cameraman: He quit! He said he was sick of getting arrested and shot at.

Dylan: Some people just can't take the heat. What about you, New Frank? You got grit?

Cameraman: Oh, yeah!

Dylan: You have some experience in combat journalism?

Cameraman: Yeah! ...well, weddings.

Beat.

Dylan: ...this is your first job.

Cameraman: No, nonononono: it's my first internship.

Dylan: Do you have a degree at the very least?

Cameraman: Well, yeah! I mean, I will soon. Just like, 47 more credits, and then I graduate. And then I'm not sure what I'm gonna do. You know, I think I'll probably move to LA, but that's like what everyone does, I mean, what do you think? Do I really have to live there to make movies? What I really wanna do is direct blockbusters!

Dylan: (to herself) Carlos, you penny-pinching cheapskate bastard. I'm gonna skin your cat for this. (to cameraman) Alright, you, what's your name?

Cameraman: I'm actually thinking of adopting a stage name...tell me, what do you think of "Jax Jonez," with an X and a Z?

Dylan: (blunt) I am not calling you that.

Cameraman: How about Mick J? Or...M. Night Axeltron!

Dylan: (he's getting on her nerves) Just stop! Your job is to follow my lead until you get the hang of things, or until I find my tripod! Got it?

Cameraman: Got it. One question, though: are you married to this story? 'cause I've got my own ideas for stories that would make really awesome movies! Like what if we did one about a comet that hits the moon and sends it crashing into Earth?

Dylan: That's the dumbest idea I've ever heard.

Cameraman: We could call it Moon Doom!

Dylan: Enough.