everlong

search party.

"Julia? Jules?" Kurt called protectively immediately once we were inside the hotel. "Julia?!?" He called even louder. My heart started to race. "Shit, fuck." He cursed, running a hand through his hair. "Julia!!" Krist boomed.

Kurt looked around on the balcony, the bathroom, everywhere, and she was still nowhere to be seen. He abruptly left the room, slamming the door. Krist and I followed. We raced down the hallway and onto one of the elevators. We looked at each other frfrantically in the elevator.

What if she did something stupid? What if she got her hands on heroin, or something worse, like a gun? What if she ran off? The worst case scenario was all I could think about. There wasn't a rational bone in me.

We arrived to the lobby, and immediately searched around down there. We looked in the bar, the pool, the gym, outside, but still..not a trace of Julia Kassel. "Fucking Christ." Kurt muttered. He sounded sick. I rubbed my hands together nervously.

"Lets go back to the room to get the girls." Krist suggested, his voice shaky. I nodded in agreement. We then started back inside and to the elevator. We all crowded in once it got to our floor with a sharp "ding!"

"What if she did something stupid?" Kurt muttered, his eyes wide with fear. He said what all of us were thinking. She's in such a fragile state right now. She'll crack even harder if something happens.

We then arrived to the third floor, our floor. We bounded back towards the hotel. I scrambled to unlock the door. "Girls? Lets go!" Kurt said, trying to round up shelli and Courtney and Rosie.

"What?" A soft, calm voice asked. The weight of the world was taken off of my shoulders. I looked towards the bed. Julia was there. Her eyebrow was cocked upwards, a cigarette dangling from her lips. She had her notebook on the cover of the bed, a pen in her hand. It was the notebook my mom had given her in '92.

"Fuck, Jules, where were you?" Krist said loudly. The look of confusion morphed into one of irritation. "I was at the gas station down the street, you fucking assholes." She snapped. Before any of us could speak, she spoke again. "Is this really how its gonna be? Jesus, I needed a pack of smokes! And you guys search the whole county for me? Im not a child! I have enough composure to not go and kill myself." She ranted angrily, taking a drag of her cigarette. She then looked down. Her body was shaking. I could hear little sniffles. She managed to put me to shame. I then realized that she's not a teenage girl, or my girlfriend. I realized that she was still independent Julia. The one that went through everything by herself.

I realized that just because she's having problems mentally, that doesn't mean she can't take care of herself. "I'm really sorry, Julia." I said, first to break the sorrow silence.

The only respond I got was her quiet crying.

"Kurt and I are so sorry too. We need to learn that you're a responsible woman." Krist said. It sounded forced, but its what the frail blonde Julia wanted from the three of us.

She eventually looked up at us after what felt like centuries. She quickly wiped her electric blue eyes and threw the tissue to a waste bin.

"Where are Courtney and shelli? Rosie too?" Krist asked, his voice still softspoken. "They weren't here when I got back." She said. Kurt sighed. I hesitantly sat down beside Julia on the soft white comforter.

She looked at me straight in the eyes for a second, then switched the tv on. "I'm sorry, Julia." I whispered.

A faint haunting smile appeared on her lips.

"I'll be ok."