a/n) yall i want it to be june so bad;;; i get to miss a bit of school tmrw bc we have to make our visa pfft
today i woke up to a note from woojin laid on my hand.
i could tell he was writing fast, his handwriting was messy and some of the characters looked more like scribbles rather than actual writing. some of the words were smudged, too, and the ink still looked a bit wet. he might've been here while i was asleep.
i read the letter, trying to imagine woojin writing it for me.
the thing is, i wasn't able to.
he was far away. not like away from the hospital, and in his house or at his job.
woojin was in a different country, and i wasn't able to clearly imagine him writing this letter.
-
i stared at the letter blankly for a while.
i had a strange feeling that woojin was rushing while writing this, not at all taking his time to make it seem sincere. not that he's been very sincere for the past couple weeks though. he hasn't been doing anything to make us closer. more like make us distant, was what he was doing, and it gave me a heartache.
i know, however, that he didn't want to leave me alone. he has instincts. he knows we're drifting apart and he needs time to be alone to rethink things, and i think i do, too. i would've liked it if the note was more sincere, though, but i don't think this is the time to talk about what i want from him.
i looked at my phone. should i text him and ask what he's doing? a part of me tells that i shouldn't, but the other part longs for communication with him. anything. a dumb gif. a sticker of that bear from line. some compilation of nct doing body rolls (although i think he would get jealous if i liked it). i felt like a whole piece of me got cut off into pieces, and they're all drifting apart too quickly, so i couldn't get them back.
what is my heart telling me to do right now? leave him be or ask him what's going on? i wasn't sure what to do. what time is it in japan now? how far ahead or how far behind in time is he? my mind was racing around, not stopping once. thoughts were flowing around nonstop. my breathing started becoming uneven, and my head felt heavy.
i want woojin to be here.
i need woojin to be here.
"you okay?"
jihoon's voice calms me down. i've been talking to him for comfort for a while now.
for a while i have been fearing things. what if he's cheating on me? what if he found someone new? what if he's now forbidden to see me? thinking like this isn't good, as jihoon said, but it seemed right to think about what ifs. if i didn't think about him it would seem like i didn't care, right? but at the same time, if i did think of him, in a way like this, it will just make me fear more things, and stress me out. and i was already under a lot of stress, and stressing about stressing makes me feel incredibly ill.
"not really, no," i answered jihoon honestly. he frowns, and sits on the chair woojin usually sits on, which made my face scrunch up in disgust. who was he to sit on woojin's chair? he's not here now, but i felt the need to shout at jihoon to leave that space open in case woojin came back. i mean, he could come back at any time.
jihoon's hand touches my cheek, something woojin used to do. "you're really warm, y/n," he said, sounding worried and fragile, like if someone did one thing wrong to him, he would break down immediately. "do you want me to go get you some tea?" the fact that he's taking care of me like this makes me long for woojin even more.
"green tea would be nice," i tell him, closing my eyes. i tried to imagine jihoon as woojin so i felt better. i could hear jihoon getting up and slowly walking away, so i open my eyes again.
but just like that,
i'm alone,
again.
a/n ) no seriously though if someone ever sends me a compilation of nct doing body rolls i'll volunteer in marrying them pfft
