Continuous Sinner. {COMPLETED.}

|| 016 - Guilt & Self Loathing ||

~The pain that you've been feeling,
Can't compare to the joy that is coming.

~Romans 8:18

I had now taken the lead of the pack, my head strung low, gazing at my attempts of rescuing suicide. I couldn't even do that. The scars, the memories of chugging tranquillisers and prescription pills, carving into my skin with multiple weapons, inhaling so much purposeful marijuana and tobacco and drinking myself into oblivion. All still active in my thoughts.

Rani's home was also another building within walking distance from the airport. The three of them, were acting like normal girls, chatting, gossiping, bitching, you name it, they were doing it.

As we all spent more 'valuable' time together, I noticed that our appearances that were only known to ourselves were exposed to our kind. Ita's eyes became more glass eyed, representing a mirror that she'd get lost looking at herself in for centuries. Mona's raven hair was now kissed by strands of selfish gold, portraying her addiction to greedy obsession. Rani's eyes remained green....with envy. Whereas for me. Well, black veins and eyes remained visible, not forgetting my battle scars even more showable than when I was surrounded by the sane.

We eventually crashed out at Rani's place, where she wasted no time but to start immediately stuffing her bags full of clothing as she planned for us to take our voyage to America as soon as. I think now she had realised how serious and important this mission was. Not just to and for me but for all of us, and the world. It was us that caused every city, in every country, in every continent to live in the thrill of Gluttony, Greed, Sloth , Wrath, Pride, Lust and Envy. I didn't know wether to be honoured or ashamed.

Eron was still harassing his 'babygirl', not even dreaming of the thought of relenting. Rani's fingers were hot and fast, tapping her plea for him to stop. I really didn't understand how he kept his false facade. Wait...oh no. Perhaps he was slipping through heroic fingers, not resisting The dear Creator's dazzling streaks of temptation. Perhaps this was all his doing. I knew that this mission wasn't going be easy, E.

"I still can't believe that I'm rushing to see that idiot."

"We have no choice, girly. And besides, I guess that you don't have to worry about falling under his 'sexual charms'." Ita chuckled, her lips soon smacking each other as she applied her lipstick. I didn't even know why I was listening to this conversation. Gossip wasn't my forte.

"I know right? Honestly, he is the one thing I'm not envious about and never will be." Rani clarified whilst fiddling with her large hoops threaded through her ears. I really wasn't interested. I stuck out like a sore thumb, with my trademark glum grumpy and melancholy expression.

Mona spared a few glances at my antisocial behaviour. Her deep eyes ripped into my soul every time I felt her stare.

"You know what, Ely?" She moved herself to the other side of Rani's room to where I was fixed loosely in the corner. I looked up at her, with the same expression I show displayed to the world. 'Can't be bothered-ness'

"What, Mona?" I didn't care who I spoke to, my tone would always be the same with no alter or change. A stressed sigh escaped her lips.

"I've never actually seen you smile. Ever."

"Wow, congratulations. Have you only just noticed that?" The one thing that I couldn't do with my "parents", was to acknowledge my continuous lack of respect and attitude towards another individual. I suddenly realised that I could whilst I was surrounded by unfortunate young people such as myself.

"Look, I'm sorry Mona. I'm just not a fan of happiness right now." As a fellow Sinner, there was this immediate aura that was injected in her greed filled veins. She took her place next to me, pulling my oversized hood away from my face, not that it made any difference. My deep dark Mirkwood green scraggly hair shielded the top of my eyes.

"Hey hey. No need to say sorry. I know you're not and that's the problem. But, it's not your fault." I didn't look at her, but just listen.

"But it is."

"No. It isn't. It's The Creator's fault for making you like this." She's right, E. Her point was incredibly valid. Couldn't have said better myself. My thoughts were getting to me too much, as I knew they would through this harrowing but compulsory journey. I now only had to live with this until I captured them all.

Which I hoped that it wouldn't be long, considering that our flights were already booked in record time.

I really had to get a grip. I really had to.

Not just for my sake.....but for theirs. And the rest of the world that I cursed with my Sin.