Continuous Sinner. {COMPLETED.}

|| 007 - Harrowing Reminisence ||

I hate the day, because it lendeth light...
To see all things, but not my love to see.

~ Edmund Spenser

~

My head was thudding against the padded seat, discreetly, not wanting to set off any alarm bells. But could you blame me? It's jabbed into my veins, it's seen in my eyes and most blatantly, decorated all over my hands.

It was convenient that people immediately felt intimidated when glancing at my abnormal dark eyes or ruined hands. But that was also the bad thing. I wasn't considered a human, which sucked big time.

Through all the lives I had unfortunately lived, there was not one generation where I felt like a million pounds. If I did I wouldn't be killing myself each time now, would I?

But there was one time though. But that was redundant now. I should've known that I wasn't going to be granted anything that was in anyway shape or form associated with a godly virtue. Especially Kindness, Patience or chastity, just three of the seven Heavenly Virtues. The complete opposite to my "wonderful blessings" I had already been given.

You're probably wondering, what's this crazy kid bleating on about now? Well let me enlighten you. But I just cannot believe I was so blind and gullible. Believing that I had a chance at happiness. Love, to be exact. That's right! In the lives I had shamefully existed in before this one, I had my first love. My only love.

She understood me like no one else. Her gentle touch rekindled my spirit, my heart and opened my eyes. Not forgetting her irresistible hugs and cuddles I've ever been embraced in probably in my whole life, well, lives. Oh E, you're not meant to be soft, lad. But she was the best thing that ever happened to me. Yet, she was also the worst. The worst as I knew that I couldn't have her. Well what are you doing then, you dozy git? Go after her! I couldn't, you see?

I wasn't allowed to. I was the only son of the putrid Sin of unnecessary anger. I'm a Sinner. I'm not aloud to have nice things, in her case, perfect, a perfect thing who outshone the rest with her superhuman aura. I still remember the day that I attempted to deeply express my true feelings towards her like it was yesterday.

I grabbed her by each dainty hand, running my thumbs across her fragile skin as I tried to tell this golden soul that I had fallen so hard for her. I loved her. But as an immortal sinning foolish dimwit, my next life began freshly restored. No her, no upcoming attempted content. Just back to square one.

It was at that very moment when I tried to say I love you. That's why I've never mustered the words ever since to a love interest. But who am I kidding? I didn't have no other love interest. It was The Creator who teased me with that sample of a normal life. Not only ripping me apart from my possible antidote, he had to erase all my memories I had with her. I could only reminisce about how she made me feel. He even erased the knowledge of me constantly reciting her uncommon name in my head.

I was unable to do that anymore. I just wanted to destroy everything in my path, including myself. But I knew that I was trapped. I couldn't even do that. And I knew for certain that that angel like young women was no more in a framed picture in my head. Ely, you're such an idiot. I hope you know that. Oh I knew that alright. But not so much of an idiot that I couldn't unlock every single padlock that was latched onto the door of pure life. And that was going to happen soon. With or without her. It was up to me to make this happen without any ..dis...di...distractions or interruptions. That struck me in the heart to say that, but I needed to do everything I could to stop this continuous suffering, for me and the six other unfortunate souls plonked on this Earth.

It was now my time. It was now beginning as the plane door slid open, revealing the elegant country of France. You're doing great, E.

You've got a real chance. You're already here. Let's start this journey to happiness and mortality.

Don't back out now.