Sad Supernatural Imagines

#44 Cas - Part 1: You Hurt Me

Y/N p.o.v:

Cas hadn't been himself lately and you were getting very worried. He went on a hunt with you, but wasn't able to save a little girl. You felt horrible, but you know that she went to heaven. She was 3! Why wouldn't there be a reason for her to go to heaven? Even Cas confirmed that she went to heaven, but left shortly after that. Whenever you saw him, he always seemed drunk. You knew he was drinking the pain away. You told him this is what happens, but all he says is that 'It was my fault. I could have saved her, Y/N. I could have saved her!' You were currently sitting in the library reading a book when you thought back to the hunt.

~flashback~

Cas blocked a little girl, who was crying profusely behind him, from the werewolves that you and him were hunting. You were fighting them off, making sure they wouldn't get near the small child. Werewolves lunged at you, but you quickly shot them. You told Cas to take the girl outside and he did. He came back to help you clean up the bodies when all of a sudden a bloodcurdling scream rang out through the warehouse. Right then you knew that the little girl was dead. You knew you had missed one werewolf. You had forgotten about the one that slipped away. You broke into a sprint outside to see the little girl lying in her own pool of blood with the werewolf eating her heart. You quickly got out your gun and shot the werewolf, killing it. Cas was standing beside you just speechless.
"Cas, it wasn't your fault. We both thought the werewolf ran off. We both thought it wouldn't come back. It isn't your fault." You whispered. Cas turned and looked at you with a hurt and pained expression.
"It was my fault. I could have saved her, Y/N. I could have saved her!" He yelled and then vanished. You sighed and finished cleaning up the bodies and burning them. Then, you grabbed your machete and duffle bag and got in your car and drove back to the bunker.

~flashback over~

You took a deep breath before praying to Cas again.
'Hey. It's Y/N again. I'm worried about you, Cas. It wasn't your fault. It never was. If anything, it would be mine. I was the one to tell you to take her outside. Where I knew, but forgot, that the werewolf was out there. Please, Cas. Just come back. Come home.' You prayed. You waited for a long time and was about to give up, when you heard flapping wings. You looked up over by the kitchen only to see a very disconsolate Cas. His hair was disheveled and even though he couldn't sleep, there were dark bags under his eyes. You got up and walked towards your angel. You stopped right in front of him and stared at his sorrowful, yet beautiful, face.
"Stop blaming yourself, Cas. It was my fault, okay? Mine. So stop blaming yourself. Stop drinking your pain away. Blame me. Please. I just can't stand watching you be like this and not being able to help you." You pleaded. Cas squinted his eyes and his look turned cold.
"Then don't watch. Just leave me alone and stop praying to me. I don't care if you're worried, just leave me the hell alone. I'm tired of you begging and begging for me to come home. I'm sick of it, Y/N!" Cas growled. He lifted his hand and the next thing you knew, your head flew to the side and your right cheek was stinging. You put your hand to your cheek that was most likely going to bruise now because of how hard Cas had slapped. It didn't really surprise you as much as it should have. Cas has hurt you a lot because of how bad his temper was. You forgave him for all of those times because you knew he didn't mean it, but now that it has been happening more often, you're starting to doubt it. You turned your head back to Cas with tears flowing freely down your face. His expression immediately changed as soon as he processed that he had hurt you once again.
"Y/N, I-" You didn't let him finish.
"Save it. You hurt me. You said you'd never hurt me again and look at what you just did. I'm leaving. I'm not staying in a place where all I'm going to do is get hurt. Not just physically, Cas, but mentally and emotionally, too." You said emotionlessly even though you wanted to break down and just sob. You turned away from his guilt ridden expression and walked to your room that you shared with him. You got all your stuff in a duffle bag in less than 5 minutes. You walked out of your room and out of that bunker without looking back. Before you got into your car, you got your phone and smashed it. You didn't want them to come looking for you. Cas had already engraved the enochian symbols in your ribs, so he wouldn't be able to find you unless you longed for him. And at the moment, you wanted to be as far away from him as you could. You were never going back. It wasn't worth the pain. The suffering. It just wasn't worth it at all. You got into your car and drove away. You looked in your mirror and saw Cas standing in the middle of the road. You could see his expression. It was filled with sadness, guilt, but most of all pain. You looked back at the road, turned your music up all the way, and stepped on the gas peddle.