Sad Supernatural Imagines

#66 Sam - Relapse

Y/N p.o.v:

You just said goodbye to Sam and Dean. You watched as the impala, also known as Baby, disappeared down the road. You went back inside of the bunker to watch TV since you had nothing better to do. Once you got inside, you felt something hit you. Not physically, but mentally. You have had this feeling before and it was not a good feeling. You started to feel depressed. You didn't like feeling this way at all. You cancelled watching TV and went to your bedroom, which you also shared with Sam, thinking it would help. You rolled up your sleeves and stared at your arms. The ones that were filled with long, short, deep, and shallow scars. All of them self-inflicted. You took a deep breath, trying hard not to think about doing what you tried so hard to stop doing. You say at the edge of your bed, your breaths coming short. You put your head into your hands. You could hear a loud ringing in your ears. It was the only thing you could hear along with the horrible voices that told you bad things in your head. You should call Sam about this. He knew about your depression and about how you used to self-harm. He was one reason as to why you stopped cutting. Although, its been about a year since you have quite, you couldn't get the raging thoughts about the urge out of your head. You stood up and started to pace the room. You suddenly found yourself walking into the bathroom. You knew at that moment, you weren't going to be able to stop yourself from doing what you were about to do. You crouched down and opened up the cabinet under the sink. You sifted through the junk that was there until your hand found the small box it had been searching for. You shut the doors of the cabinet. You got up and shut the bathroom door, locking it. You walked over to the bathroom wall and slide down it, sitting down on the cold floor. You opened the box and took out one of your many blades. You looked at your wrist before pressing the cold blade to your wrist and dragging it across. You winced, but that didn't stop you from making more. You watched as your blood seeped out of your cuts. You watched as it dripped on to the floor. You sighed in relief. Although you felt absolutely disgusted with yourself, you couldn't help, but also feel relieved, like there was no more pressure on you. Suddenly, knocks erupted from the door. You dropped the blade, startled by sudden noise.
"Y/N? Are you o
o?" A very familiar voice asked. You groaned softly. You forgot how easy the hunt was going to be and how soon it would be to finish it and for Sam and Dean to come home.
"I'm okay! Just give me a few minutes!" You told Sam. You grabbed the towel off of the towel rack and pressed it to your bleeding wrist. You heard clicking, signaling that Sam was picking the bathroom lock.
'Fuck!' You thought. Then, the door flew open. You looked up at Sam with sad, but fear written eyes. Sam stared at you sadly.
"Y/N." He whispered. Teats started to cloud your vision.
"I'm sorry." Was all you could manage to say. You knew he was disappointed; hurt and sad. Sam walked to you and then knelt beside you. He said nothing as he removed the towel to inspect your self-inflicted wounds. He saw the deep and short cuts, long and deep; short and shallow cuts, long and shallow. Sam pressed the towel back to your wrist and then looked at you.
"You should have called me, Y/N. I would have been able to help. You know this." Sam said softly. You couldn't hold back the sobs anymore. Sam's eyes widened and immediately wrapped his arms around you. You cried into his chest.
"I-I'm so s-sor-ry, Sam. I'm sorry." You sobbed. Your broken voice was muffled by Sam's shirt. Sam shushed you, rubbing your back gently.
"It's okay, Y/N. I'm here. We can get through this together." Sam said. You continued to cry into his chest. It took you hours before Sam could calm you down enough to treat your wrist. You were exhausted from crying. You and Sam were still in the bathroom on the ground. He wouldn't let you go.
"I'm tired, Sammy." You told Sam quietly.
"Okay. Let's get you to bed. We'll talk about this tomorrow, okay?" Sam said. You nodded before yawning. Sam picked you up, bridal style, and then headed to your bed, which you also shared with him when he wasn't away on a hunt. You winced when he set you down because the movement made you twist your wrist, making it sting.
"You okay? Do you need me to get some ibuprofen to help with the pain?" He asked. You looked up at Sam with a tired smile.
"That would be great. Thank you." You said. Sam smiled back and then turned to the bathroom. He walked away and opened the the closet that was in there. Sam came back with a small bottle and some water.
"Here." He said. You took it with the opposite hand. You had set the cup and bottle down on the nightstand once you took some pills and washed them down with water. Sam walked to the other side of the bed and got in beside you. You snuggled into his chest.
"I love you, Sammy." You whispered. Sam wrapped his arms around you and pulled you to his chest.
"I love you, too, Y/N. Please never forget that." Sam replied. You nodded and fell asleep to the beat of his heart.