The Constant

Chapter 16

BEA POV

My mind was racing with thoughts. Ryker, our hands holding, the way he felt like home to me. 

We parked at the next spot and were walking to the entrance of what Ryker promised would be "an amazing spectacle of lights". I was excited but my mind continued to wander to Ryker.

"What are you thinking about?" Ryker asked, breaking me out of my thoughts. 

"What?" I asked. 

He chuckled and flashed me a smile, his beautiful smile. "You're thinking about something." He pushed, tickling my side. I laughed, that was what he always did when he was trying to get me to talk. 

"No!" I giggled, trying to run from him. 

"Come back!" He said playfully, chasing me. 

I ran from him until I saw a sight that stopped me dead in my tracks. It was a landscape of Christmas lights. Everywhere you looked was decorated in bright lights, with Christmas music humming in the background. I turned and faced Ryker who had now caught up to me. "Wow." I breathed taking the whole sight in. 

"This is pretty incredible." I said. 

"It's not quite the parade of lights that we have at home, but I thought it was okay." Ryker said shyly. 

I took his hand and ran my other hand up his arm. "It's more than okay Ryker. It's perfect." I said.  He looked at me and gave me a crooked smile. 

"Yeah?" 

"Yes. I love it and I love you." I said. Our eyes widened at what I just said. Even though it was night my face felt hot as if it was exposed in the sun. I chuckled awkwardly, "I mean as a friend duh. Let's go see these lights." I said, turning around and pacing to the next set of lights. 

RYKER POV

"Yes. I love it and I love you." Bea said and my heart stopped. Those three words. I. Love. You. But then just like that she took it back. And I felt... disappointed. 

Why did I feel disappointed? 

I didn't love Bea, not like that at least... or did I? I watched her as she looked at the lights in front of us. The way her eyes crinkled in the corners and sparkled like a child's, her beautiful light pink lips curved into a smile. 

Okay so maybe I did love her, but it was clear she didn't love me as more than a friend and that was that. Nothing was worth jeopardizing our friendship over. Bea is my rock, my home, my best friend, I can't survive without her and if that means pushing my feelings away to keep her comfortable, then I would do it. 

BEA POV

Ryker seemed distracted, but I was captivated. This place was incredible, the lights and displays were beautiful. It was really starting to feel like Christmas for me. 

I grabbed Ryker's hand, hoping to gain his attention. "Are you okay Ryk?" I asked. 

He shook his head, finally looking at me, "Yeah, yeah I'm fine." He said, smiling weakly. 

"You're a liar. Remember it's me? Bea? Your best friend since birth, one who always knows when you're lying?" I teased. 

"I'm fine, really." He insisted. 

I began to protest when I was cut off by the music playing louder. That's when the center display, a huge tree decorated top to bottom in lights with a giant Santa and light up reindeer started lighting in key with the music. I got distracted and tugged his hand to follow so we could get a closer look. 

The decorations seemed to be dancing to the music, it was amazing. "This is so cool!" I said, watching lights flash in all different colors. 

-----------------------

The show ended about five minutes later, causing the crowd to disperse against the property again. "I think I saw a hot chocolate stand by the front, do you want to get some?" I asked. 

He nodded quietly. He led me through the crowd to the stand where the line was fairly short. "I'll pay." I said, fishing in my purse for some cash. 

"Put it away. I planned this night for you, I'll pay." He insisted. 

"Ryker, you've done so much already. It's $3.00 I think I can manage." I teased, handing the worker the money as she handed us our drinks. 

We walked side by side along the lights, quietly sipping our hot chocolate. 

After we had seen everything, we headed back to Ryker's car and drove back to Heath's house. Ryker was still being quiet though, and it seemed like something was bothering him. He parked the car and we walked to the door in silence, but I stopped him before we opened the front door. 

"Okay Ryker, what's up?" I asked. 

"Nothing is up, like I told you earlier." 

"You're lying and to me. Why do you want to end the night like this?" I asked, getting more frustrated by the second. He wanted me to talk about everything in my life and how I was feeling but he won't even do it himself? 

I turned to open the door when he grabbed my wrist gently. "Bea, no. That's not how I want this night to end. I'm just scared." He said, looking into my eyes sincerely. 

"Scared of what?" I pushed. 

"Chasing you away." He replied, shrugging his shoulders. 

"Ryker, you're scaring me. You're my best friend, what could possibly chase me away from you?"  I asked. 

He avoided eye contact until I gently tilted his chin to look at me. "That's exactly it, I don't see you as just my best friend. I see you as more." He said. 

I didn't say anything, I just leaned up and kissed him.