He's My Cousin!

[Ch.33] His Reason

Hello, do you still remember me? XD Three months walang update last time. Sorry. I'll try to update regularly tulad ng dati :) 

[Ch. 33] His Reason
// Ayanna's Point of View

I earnestly looked at him-- waiting for him to retract what he has said, for him to crack the punch line, for him to tell the truth-- that I was his cousin. That I’m his freaking cousin.

But he didn't. Instead, he interlaced his fingers with mine. I could even feel the warmth of his hands and I wanted to embrace him, I wanted his arms to envelop me... I have been longing for him, my guilt crutching within me. Iniwan ko siya sa ere, I knew that. I very well knew that.

Why don't you do it, Aya? Why don’t you hug him? Caress his cheeks the way you did before? Kiss him like it’s just you and him and nobody else? Ikaw naman daw ang girlfriend niya, hindi ba? Ano pa’ng pumipigil sa’yo?

Wrong. 

Kasi hindi naman totoo. Kasi malaking kahibangan lang naman 'to at hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit niya ginagawa 'to. All my sacrifices, that pain I have endured just to end our relationship, just to stop that forbidden thing, to patch things up—all those will be put to waste once I let ourselves indulge in whatever Paolo was doing. I wouldn’t want that. Kahit papaano ay naitama ko na, ayoko namang baluktutin na naman muli iyon.

"Yanna? Hija, ako ang Lola Teresa mo," pagpapakilala niya. Seryoso lang siyang nakatingin sa akin. Hindi man lamang nga siya ngumingiti, ngunit hindi rin naman niya ako sinusungitan o tinatarayan. Tumingin ako sa mga mata niya ngunit agad ko ring inalis ang tingin ko sa mga iyon.

Nakaiilang, dahil alam kong niloloko namin siya at isa pa, hindi ko alam kung ano ba ang mga tumatakbo sa isipan niya—kung gusto ba niya ako para sa alaga niya o hindi siya boto para sa akin. I know I shouldn't have been thinking all these because I am not Paolo's girlfriend, but I couldn't help to think that way... because a part of me wishes everything was true.

Aya, tigilan mo na ‘to. ‘Wag kang mahuhulog sa kahibangang 'to.

Ang hirap kasi ay hindi ko rin maintindihan kung bakit ginawa 'to ni Paolo. Bakit kailangan niyang magsinungaling sa taong halos nagpalaki na sa kanya? Hindi ba niya alam na delikado ‘tong ginagawa niya? Paano kung mabanggit ito ni Lola Teresa sa mama niya? Ano na lang ang mangyayari sa amin? Ano na lang ang iisipin ng mga Salvatorre?

Sinulyapan ko siya, he seemed like he didn't like what he was doing. May pag-aalinlangan sa mga mata niya. Hindi rin niya magawang tumingin nang diretso sa mga mata ni Lola Teresa. Sino ba kasing nagsabing sabihin mo iyon, Paolo? Wala naman ah!

I flashed an awkward smile while Lola was still staring at me as though she was scrutinizing each feature of my face.

"Mahaba-haba ang biyahe mula Maynila hanggang dito, gusto niyo na bang kumain?" tanong sa amin ng matanda, shifting her glances from me to Paolo then to me again.

Wala naman yata ako sa posisyon para sumagot kaya inantay ko na lang na si Paolo ang magsalita. Nakakahiya naman at isa pa, parang tinitimbang-timbang pa ako ni Lola sa mga tingin niya. "Medyo nga po. Sige po, salamat," sabi ni Kuya.