The Doctor's Mistress (Doctor Who Fanfiction) - Watty Awards 2012

XI - Unreachable

(A/N: Hey, so in the last update, I said I was taking a break of about two weeks because I had way too much work to do. The problem isn't writing the story, I'm almost done writing it actually and I have over 10 more chapters writen, ready to post. The thing that takes time it making a banner and finding a song that fits the situation, but I had a little free time today to do that and expect the next update to be the 8th or 9th of February, because next week, I only have 3 days of school :D So yeah, that break it over :P)

Unreachable

I fell in love with the Doctor.

I didn't just love him, I was in love with him. Simple as that.

I've been travelling with him for 8 months now. Every day, he amazed me and every day, I felt these feelings for him grow stronger. He was a beautiful man even at his worst and an absolutely brilliant man at his best. I honestly wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. I wanted him emotionally and physically. For the first time in my life, I was really attracted to someone.

But sadly all of these words that were burning my lips to say, I kept them to myself, terrified of a heartbreaking rejection.

And it was a good think too I guess.

In the time I've travelled with the Doctor, there was one thing he failed to mention until I met her. River Song.

He was married! To this beautiful exotic looking woman who was braver, more outgoing, smarter and better than me in every possible way.

I met her about a week ago and, well, my heart was broken into a million pieces. I put on a brave face and showed myself kind to her as she was to me for the time she was around, but once the Doctor and her had said their goodbyes with a passionate kiss, I ran to my room on the TARDIS and locked the door - though it was useless since the Doctor always carried around his screwdriver. That night, I cried for hours. When the Doctor knocked to see if I was alright, I insisted that I was simply tired. I don't think he bought it, but he left me alone anyways.

Now it's been a week and I still can't act normally around the Doctor. I think he knows... Of course he knows! He knows everything! How could I be so daft? So stupid? No wonder he would never love me...

"So where do you want to go now? Oooh, how about Six Flags in the year 100,000! Floating roller coasters that go all the way up, almost into space! Then we can have some cotton candy! Then we can-" he babbled on happily, running around the controllers as I stayed seated.

"I want to go home," I cut him off.

He froze in place and turned to me with a question mark on his face.

"What?" he asked as if he didn't believe his ears.

"I-I want to go home," I repeated, a little less sure of myself under his intense gaze.

"Why?"

"I just... I'm done here," I answered and it was true. He had shown me so much, but the one thing I really wanted was unreachable. At least at home, I could concentrate on my own future, maybe even love someone who could love me back...

He frowned.

"Are you sure? Maybe you're just home sick. I'll take you to see Craig and Sophie, have some tea, and then you'll feel much better!"

I sighed heavily. Obviously, he wanted to keep me around. Probably as a pet. I felt the tears coming, realizing that I was a pet to him all along, that maybe liked me, but he could never really love me, I could never be important to him like River is.

"Just take me home. I don't want to travel with you anymore. I-I'm tired of this."

"But..."

"Please," I practically begged.

I managed to stay a week, but I wasn't going to stay here and waste my time on a man who only needed me to keep him company. Why doesn't River stay to do that? It was in respect for myself that I made my decision to leave. I wasn't going to let those clear green eyes and that stunning smile convince me otherwise.

There was a long silence as he starred at me, unsure, and I simply stood there, unable to look him in the eye. Finally, he started to walk around the controllers, pressing buttons and flicking switches making the TARDIS roar loudly. He did it slowly and slightly depressed.

Knowing he was taking me back, I went to my room to grab my suitcase. When I came back, the Doctor was standing in my bedroom - the one on Earth, in Craig and Sophie's house.

I walked out the blue box and placed my suitcase on my bed. I look out the window to see the car was gone.

"Morning after your 18th birthday," he explained when I went to check my calendar.

"I just turned 18..." I stated. It was weird, I was turning 19 in 4 months.

There was another long uncomfortable silence as I walked around my old room, looking at the pictures of me and the rest of my family on my desk as the Doctor stood there in front of the TARDIS. A suppose a funny thought crossed his mind, cause he giggled like a little boy.

I looked over at him confused.

"Well, I guess this is goodbye!" he said with a stupid smile on his face.

I was completely shocked. It was breaking me apart, telling him goodbye and he was laughing and smiling! I wanted to be mad at his lack of thoughtfulness, but someone, I couldn't. I thought he was almost... adorable.

I smiled slightly and walked over to him for a hug. He hugged me back tightly and I felt the tears over flow. He pulled away even if I felt like I could have stayed in his arms forever. I walked into the TARDIS, doing his little salute thing he does and I managed to whisper a goodbye. The door closed and my heart sank. I was now angry. Angry that I had to have feelings for him. Angry that these stupid feelings ruined everything!

I knew the engine was about to start and he was going to disappear for good.

I felt a jolt go through my body and I grabbed my key to the TARDIS in my pocket and unlocked the door. The Doctor was around the controllers. He looked up at me with that adorable smile and I ran.

"Doctor," I simply said before wrapping my arms around his neck and crashing my lips onto his.

Surprisingly, he didn't push me away, but he didn't really kiss me back either. Disappointed, I let go and took a few step backs, trying to hid the hurt on my face.

"Well, bye," I said stiffly and turned around to walk away. 

"Zera," he said softly and I turned back to him, with a little bit of hope - though I knew it was false hope. "Take care," he said with a slight smile.

I looked down, embarrassed.

"Yeah, you too..." I sighed and threw my TARDIS key at him and he caught it. Once again, I turned around and walked out the blue box and closed the door behind me.

What did people on Earth say again? When one door closes, another one opens. Lame, I know.

The roaring of the engine started. When it finally disappeared, leaving nothing but an echo in the air, I felt like it left with a part of me.

I started to sob uncontrollably. I almost wanted to go back in time and stop myself from changing my mind, but I didn't have a TARDIS of my own.