My pride loathes what I'm doing
Admitting my problem to a group
My shame prevents my praying
As my words finally say what I hid
Addicted after six months
And I fear to do it again
But now you look at me
And I know I am imprisoned
Behind the bars; the traces of my scars
They seem healed on the outside
But even though eight months and a week
Has passed without a single slice
These scars remind me of him
The times he said such manipulative things
Tears will roll tonight;
And my anger will ignite
As the urge for a cigarette, some weed or booze
Overtakes my desire to follow Christ
And in tears, instead of running to those faithful addictions...
I touch myself in empty denial
Will I ever be free of these?
Day 247 and now I can donate blood
Day 11 and my lungs are fine
But day 3 has come and I've been here before
And I've always given into it
To top it; I am a thief only for that adrenaline boost
From the excitement to be caught
But God knows I loathes myself
For such a lifestyle; but I'm caught within
Unable to escape! Even when
I say I give it all to my King...
I sink deeper than before...
Oh Lord save me from my addiction
Before it's too late!
Or is it already too late? Am I too far gone?
Please save me! Save me please!
Rescue me from this appealing trap
An appealing trap that I allowed to be my home
Making me into a prisoner in my own home
YOU ARE READING
The Ragamuffin Path
PoetryElijah Rowan Killinger has bipolar disorder. Along with the severe moodswings she has been addicted to pornography and is struggling with binge-eating disorder. She is a recovering cutter and finds it difficult to believe that she can be forgiven fo...
