Abnormal Little Me (Completed)

Chapter 96: The Guilt Which Had No Reason to Be

Hey guys! It's my third week in university so I am fixed on what to expect. In that optic, I will not be able to post more than one chapter per week because I have a lot of readings and homework and I have a part-time job as well. The end of the book is slowly approaching! I had a dream about my next one and I think it's going to be awesome! Anyway, hope you have fun reading it! Don't forget to vote and comment :) Love you all <3

I was content. No, more than that. I was whole. For the first time since the curse, I felt whole. This was what I wanted for the rest of my life. Being in his arms, our skins, hearts, connected and our souls, resonating. I didn't care about losing my privacy because I would gain an incomparable intimacy. Although I had came close many times, by our link being established, I would taste the feeling of loving and being loved to the deepest part of my core. I couldn't wait.
A sound. Repetitive. I stirred. Someone was knocking at the door. Rilos was sleeping soundly. I kissed his shoulder, got out of bed, put some clothes on and opened the door. Black and red hair greeted me. Nerika.
"Good morning, your Majesty," she whispered after noticing Rilos. She placed her hand on my stomach and smiled. "Everything is good. Don't wait that long next year. I can't live with that much stress. Are you happy?"
"Very. I've never felt like this before. It's everything I ever dreamed of. He's everything I dreamed of."
"I'm happy for you. You deserve it. Oh, before I go, Vriany wanted me to tell you that he had found someone to help you. Go see him when you're ready."
I closed the door behind her and turned around with the intention of going outside and read. Rilos was sitting on the edge of our bed, his face devoid of any emotions. This couldn't be good.
"When were you going to tell me?"
"About Vriany finding someone to help me? I just found out and it's not something I would hide from you."
"Don't play dumb, Lyra. That's not the kind of woman you are. When were you going to tell me that you were going into heat? Were you really waiting for me to find out? For the love, Lyra, you have to stop hiding things from me!"
"Listen to me, Rilos!" I cut him. "You can yell at me all you want, but you will hear me out first!" He clenched his jaw and waited for me to talk. "I know that you think I put everyone here in danger but I didn't. I still had today left. If you hadn't held me last night, I would have told you about it because I didn't want you to find out from Nerika. The reason I didn't tell you earlier is that I wanted you to want to make love to me for no other purpose than because you love me. I didn't want to force you again. There. Now you can yell at me."
I waited, my fists clenched, tears ready to spill from my dropped gaze as soon as he would shout. As much as I believed I was in the right not to tell him, I hated when he was mad at me. He came closer and fabric rustled. I shut my eyes, bracing myself for any kind of physical harm. His hand slipped in mine and his other followed my arm to my face. I inhaled and hoped that he wouldn't slap me, or worse. He simply cupped my cheek, caressing it with his thumb.
"I love you. You have no reason to be scared of me. I will never hit you. Please look at me." I tilted my head back, meeting his sight. "Hi, beautiful. You are safe around me. I will never use violence against you, even if I'm furious. The thought of hurting you is horrifying to me. You are my life, Lyra."
"So you're not mad?"
"Don't jump ahead, sweetheart. You have to tell me exactly when you forced me to make love to you because I don't remember such instance."
"The first time. I coerced you into giving me what I wanted. I manipulated you."
"Unless you used magic without me finding out, I was very consenting."
"I would never use my powers to force someone into doing something. I have had enough of that. I mean that I used my situation and your weakness."
"My weakness?"
"Me. I was naked, consenting and I would be in horrible pain if you didn't do it. How could you say no? I forced you to make a choice between making love to me, something you wanted to do for a long time, and leaving me to handle the pain, something you never wanted. I knew which one you would choose like I knew that if I told you I was going in heat, you would make love to me even though you weren't ready."
"Lyra, although you are partially right about the heat part, I could have said no to you when you were drugged. If anything, I was the one who did something I wasn't supposed to."
"I was fully conscious."
"You were scared of the pain."
"I told you that I would still want you afterwards even if you didn't do anything."
"And I made love to you on my own accord. Can we agree that we did it simply because we wanted to and not because of the circumstances? We both could have said no. Stars, after the drug was gone, we could have gone back to a platonic relation if we hadn't wanted the sex part from the start. We can go back now if you prefer, although I'm personally against it."
"What?"
"I want to make love to you again, ideally before the sun sets today."
"You have one of the weirdest minds I ever encountered, big bad wolf."
"Thank you?"
"What did you mean by the fact that I was partially correct about the heat part?"
"If you had told me when you first learned about it, I would have made love to you right away. In part to protect my people. Nerika must have explained what would happen if you actually went into heat. I really should have told you about that but since we can't have kids, I didn't think heat was a possibility. I know that gays can go in heat but I always thought it was linked to the male fertility rather than anything else. Anyway, I would have done it mostly because I started to realize that you aren't scared of me or of what I could do, despite your little number earlier. You aren't scared of my wolf, you aren't scared of my bite and you aren't scared of how much I love you. If you aren't scared, I have no reason to hold back anymore."
"So you wouldn't have felt forced?"
"I don't think you've ever forced me to do anything, except maybe calm down. It would have... encouraged me to get my mind together faster. But I'm glad that you did this for me and that you are such a good seductress."
"I wasn't trying to seduce you, not that time at least."
"I know which is why you are a terribly dangerous woman. If you aren't aware when you are being sexy, who knows who might fall for you?"
"I wouldn't worry about that if I were you. You left a incredibly visible warning on my neck. I don't think anyone will risk being the object of your furry. Beside, I'm most definitely only sexy when I am with or think about you."
He smiled cockily and kissed the bite mark on my neck.
"It suits you. Now, you better get away from me if you don't want to be late for the meeting with the person Vriany brought."
"What if I don't? I want to give you the gift I bought to thank you for the cape."
"Oh. And how long will that take?"
"Depends on how much you like it."
"Why make haste, sweetheart. I am curious to see it. I'm sure they won't mind waiting for us some more."