Masquerade (Liam Payne)

Chapter 24 ~ Tammy

Chapter 24 ~ Tammy

Maybe it's because I've been alone for too long or maybe because it's Liam and no matter who you are, you feel like you can trust him, but whatever the reason is, I'm happy that he is with me. Happier than I ever thought I would feel. To be honest, I'm never actually happy. I've never been really happy in my life and I don't think I'll ever be, but having him with me, telling me that he is here for me makes me feel good. Knowing that I have him to rely on makes me feel good. I never realised before how much I needed someone to say those things to me and I never thought that telling my story to him would make me feel so lighter. I haven't said those things to anyone, nor even Janet has seen me like Liam saw me.

I guess I've been so used to never expect anything from anyone that I don't even notice when I actually need something. It is weird, but that's been my life. And although I'm grateful for this little sparkle, I'm weary of it. Because now I know I needed this in my life, but what happens when I don't have it anymore? Nothing lasts forever. How will I cope with that? When Liam is not around anymore because I've pushed him away with the way I am? When he starts hating me too? I will know I need him but he won't be around anymore and no one ever will offer himself to be there for me again. I'll be all alone again.

I know it's scary and maybe I should just refuse to accept his offer, but I really need him right now. Especially with what happened to Ray, because seeing him makes me see myself and that always hurts. I put up with my parents for so long, I accepted what I always thought I deserved but maybe I didn't... just like Ray doesn't deserve what happened to him. Seeing him makes me relive everything and everything hurts as much as it hurt back then. And I need Liam to hold me because I don't know when or how it happened, but I trust him. Maybe telling him my story also helped me to open up to him and actually trust him. Maybe the fact that he didn't allow me to walk away also helped.

I know he's said he'll stay here and won't go anywhere, but for how long will he stay?

I guess I shouldn't think of inevitable things because if I do, I won't enjoy the good things in life as I wait for them to end. And I never have good things in life. And if I've learnt something from living in the streets is that I need to live now and enjoy the few good things I can get. Right now, Liam is the best thing that had happened to me in a long time and I know it won't last, but that doesn't mean I can enjoy his presence right now.

That is the reason why I don't even try to push him away, although it would be the best thing to do. I just need him right now, I trust him to see the ugliest part of myself when I'm at my weakest point. He is nice, he is thoughtful and he is caring and I've never seen these things before. Janet is my manager, she is someone I can trust, but she is cold somehow, she doesn't take my hand and hugs me promising me that things will be all right, like Liam does. Bruno was there for me, he helped me and taught me many things, but he was too lost in his own world of drugs and couldn't even quit because I needed him. The only two people I've ever trusted before are nothing like Liam, they never comforted me like Liam has done. And that's why... I can't even push him anymore. I am that weak.

+ + + + +

We go back to the hospital and Ray is doing better, yet he still doesn't want people to touch him and he is weary of everyone, even Liam and I. He keeps asking for his father and I understand that, but I hate that he does. That he is just like I was... still hoping to mean something for that someone who brought you to this world even when you didn't ask for. It's terrible that for people like Ray and I blood does indeed run thicker than water, but for our parents it has never been like that.

Still, we try to cheer him up, making him relax and we keep promising him that things will be fine. A lady from Social Services already came when Ray was sleeping and tells us that once Ray is cleared up he'll be taken to an orphanage until his father's sentence is settled, and it's probably that he'll stay in that place. I don't take that news nicely.