Masquerade (Liam Payne)

Chapter 20 ~ Tammy

Chapter 20 ~ Tammy

I spend half an hour in the shower, sat there, hugging my legs as the hot water burns my back. Memories are rushing to my mind, playing before my eyelids over and over again, leaving me breathless, showing all that past I’ve ran away from for so long ago. I can’t fight the memories, I can’t fight the scenes and they leave me dead cold although the water is burning.

I finally manage to leave the shower, but I’m still in this numb state when I walk into my room and put some clothes on. I don’t know what I’m wearing or if I put the clothes on properly, I’m doing everything in automatic pilot and when I see my reflection in the mirror, I only see the girl I used to be and I feel disgusted, so I run to the bathroom and throw up, although I haven’t eaten in hours so there’s nothing I can return.

When I come back to the room, I feel so weak I could just fall to the floor and stay there forever, but I keep moving and I walk to the kitchen, where Liam is making tea. I don’t know why I called him; the girls know Ray, I could’ve called them, or Janet, I trust her; but no, I called him. I don’t understand why, nor I understand the reason why I ran to him, hugged him and broke in his arms. I cried in front of him, like I haven’t cried in years. I’ve only cried like this in front of one person, and he is not here anymore.

What possessed me to call Liam, out of all the people I know, why him? I’ve pushed him, I’ve been so awful to him, I told him not to look for me anymore, yet I call him when I don’t know what to do, when everything was bigger than me and I broke down.

As I approach to the little kitchen of my flat, my eyes are on him, watching him moving around, trying to find everything he needs. Liam is here, helping me although I have been nothing but a bitch towards him. I know he cares, and he wants to know me better, but he wouldn’t be the first who tries, yet I have never allowed someone to see me how he has seen me already.

“Oh, you’re back! I was about to check on you. Did the shower help?” He asks with a big and kind smile, a warm gesture that touches me so slightly and it feels so foreign.

I shake my head no… I’m warm, but I feel cold.

“Oh, well, tea will make you feel better. I make great tea,” he winks at me, and I know he is trying to cheer me up, but his eyes are so transparent, I can see the concern and fear. “And I also made a sandwich, although you don’t have many things here.”

“Thank you,” I whisper and his smile gets warmer as he extends his hand to me. I step forward and unconsciously, I take his hand and he pulls me against his chest again, hugging me tightly.

“You’ll be fine. Ray will be fine. Now you just need rest and tomorrow you’ll see how he starts to get better. No one will hurt him anymore,” he promises me, like he’s been doing all this time and I close my eyes so tightly my head hurts, as my own chest, oppressed with fears and dark memories. “Now eat and then you’ll get some rest. I’ll stay here, I’ll look over you.”

I nod and he lets me go, so I sit on the stool and drinks the tea he has made for me. It’s warm and sweet and travels down my body slowly. He is also drinking tea, but he is on his feet, staring at me. I feel bad and a bit ashamed that he has to be standing, just because I only have one stool. I’m always alone here, I never receive guests or anything. The girls and Janet have come here only once, when I moved in.

“I’m sorry I don’t have a seat for you,” I say and he shakes his head dismissively.

“Don’t worry about that. How’s the tea?” He asks instead and I smile at him, a shaky and shy smile but he appreciates it anyways. “Told you I was good,” Liam adds with a wink and my smile grows.