Masquerade (Liam Payne)

Chapter 10 ~ Tammy

Chapter 10 ~ Tammy

I don’t like it when people compliment me unless it’s about my talent and what I do. They can say everything they want about my music, but when they compliment the person I am… I hate it. I don’t go around trying to make people like me, I don’t show them a nice side of me so they can say ‘Hey, you’re such a great person’. No, I don’t do that. When people see you as a good person, chances are that they will take advantage of you. I don’t want anyone thinking that I can make their life easier or better, I don’t want people approaching me just for the things I can do for them. This happens to normal people and it’s even worse for famous people. I don’t want people thinking they can be my friends and get some fame along the way. I have enough of those.

That’s why I don’t like that Liam says I’m a good person. He doesn’t know me, and I know he won’t take advantage of my fame –let’s face it, he is more famous than I am–, but I don’t want him to think we can be friends. We work together for the kids at the charity, nothing else.

When people think you’re awful, when you are rude and mean, you tell them that they can’t mess with you. If you act like I act, you don’t give them the chance to start to even think that they may get something from you. With this attitude you get rid of all those gold diggers, fame diggers, whatever digger you may stumble across.

When people say I’m awful, I feel safe. When people say I’m a good person, I feel exposed and in danger.

You’re such a good girl, Tammy. You have to help us, I hear that familiar voice in my mind and I shut my eyes tightly and push the memory away. I won’t let it come to the surface, I won’t let it happen again. I push, push, push until the memory is buried deep in the shadows of my mind again and when I open my eyes, I see Liam staring at me confused.

“You okay?” He asks with concern in his eyes and I feel like punching him in the face. Why is he so good? Doesn’t he see that being like that will only bring bad people into his life?

“It’s none of your business, leave me alone, Noob!” I spat and take off my guitar to leave it aside –carefully, of course.

I have to make things clear for him. We’re not friends, he can’t go around throwing compliments at me, he can’t hug me and act like we get along. Can’t he keep a colleague relationship only?

I glare at him, pissed at him and the kind of person he is. He looks so good, so kind-hearted but what tells me that he is not like any other person in the world? People are awful in very different ways. We’re all terrible beings in one way or another, some of us are not afraid to show our worst side to everyone so no one can expect us to be better, others only show their best side and fool everyone. No matter what, no matter whom, we are all human and for that reason we’re terrible people. We’re only good when we’re kids, when we’re innocent. As we grow, we lose that goodness in our hearts.

I leave before he can say anything. I walk past everyone not knowing where I’m going. I just need space. I want to be alone. I hear Janet calling me and I know I should stop and listen to her, in a way she is my boss, but I don’t want a lecture right now, nor a pep talk. I just need time to breathe and put myself together.

Somehow I manage to get outside the venue and I know it’s a mistake when I see the fans waiting outside, pressed against the fence trying to catch a glimpse of the boys even though they are inside. As they see someone coming out, they scream at the top of their lungs, but then they realise it’s me and not a boy from One Direction and their screams die. But then they recognise me and something weird happens.

Some of them get really excited and they call my name, the others ask who I am and what I’m doing there.

“Tammy, please, please! Just a picture,” a girl calls, her face is between two bars and I think she might be in pain. “I love you so much!”