Love, Lies, Secrets and Manipulation (Divergent/Eric OC)

47. Stage Two

Stage one was hard, but it was simple; everything was explained beforehand, and we knew exactly what type of a challenge we were getting ourselves into. Stage two, however—well, let me just say that I don't enjoy not knowing what's about to happen to myself.

The crying and whimpering from inside the room continues as we all wait for Clarissa to walk out the door. I don't know what the hell just happened in there, but I know that I don't want to experience whatever she just went through myself.

I sigh as I lean all the way back in my seat, tired and exhausted from this day already. It seems like these past two days have been nothing but a blur. The merging from stage one to stage two of initiation has been nothing but a blur. I don't know if that's because I spent most of yesterday and the night before crying when nobody was looking, but one thing I do know for sure is that I can no longer be the same person I was during stage one. Not if I want to get through the rest of initiation with a clear head.

I promised myself that stage two would be different. No more walking around trying to please everyone. From now on, I have to worry about only about myself. And yeah, maybe that sounds a little selfish, but these days, worrying about only yourself seems to be what everyone's doing, and it seems to be working just fine for all of them.

Walking away from Eric for good the other night was probably the hardest decision I've had to make thus far in my life, but I firmly believe that it was the smartest choice for me to make. Since I've been with him, I've lost full sight of the real problem I have to deal with while here at Dauntless, which is making sure that I get through initiation completely undetected. Making sure that I remain smart and clever about my every single move here.

For a while, I'd seem to have forgotten that I'm different from everyone else. I'm not like any of my fellow initiates who are sitting around me at the moment. I'm not just some initiate who received Dauntless on her aptitude test without having to manipulate it herself. No. I'm not like anyone else. I'm different. And I have to remember that. 

The door opens slowly, and Four comes into view with Clarissa. As she walks out of the room, she wipes her wet face from the tears, sniffling as she walks past us. Hunter puts his arm around her to comfort her, and they disappear around the corner. The only ones left of us now are Jesse, Michael, Marlene, and myself.

"Natalie," calls Four. "You're next."

Reluctantly, I rise from my seat and follow him into the room. The last time I had to worry about something like this was when I was smack in the middle of taking my aptitude test over a month ago. I didn't know I was different from everybody else before that. I had no clue. But now that I am aware, I know it's just a matter of not showing any fear or nervousness. I got through the aptitude test just fine, so I should get through stage two just the same.

Well... one can only hope.

"Have a seat," says Four. He shuts the door behind me as I walk over to the one chair that's in the center of the room. The room itself is set up much like how the aptitude test was, except that there are no mirrors.

"So... what is all this?" I ask while making my way over to the chair. "Is it going to be like the aptitude test?" 

As I sit sit up on the chair hesitantly, Four attends to his computer. "Sort of, but not really," he says. "If you remember what I said on your first morning of training, then you probably remember me saying that you guys would be facing your worst fears."

As he turns to me, I notice a syringe in his hand with a not-so-small needle. For the aptitude test, there were no needles involved. 

Four notices how I slightly lean back as I eye his movements skeptically. "Don't worry," he says. "I'm not going to torture you."