Love, Lies, Secrets and Manipulation (Divergent/Eric OC)

30. That Oh-So-Stupid Mistake

Visiting Day —Part 2

(Natalie's POV)

My initial intention was to spend this entire morning beating and kicking the hell out of a punching bag. I started off doing so, I really did; however, somehow I've ended up lying down flat on the edge of the ring.

I lie here on my back, staring up at the ceiling with my hands placed flat on my bare stomach, just thinking. How am I supposed to be one hundred percent focused on training after waking up happy in Eric's arms this morning? Not to mention in his bed, both of us completely naked.

For some reason, I can't help but wonder if that's what it would be like waking up with him every morning, if I do eventually move in with him. Would I always be woken up by Eric's gentle lips, trailing soft, affectionate kisses up and down my skin? Then, happily let him mark my neck with numerous love bites, all so that people would know I'm taken? I don't know, but I certainly wouldn't mind if my mornings started out like that every day.

The thing is, though, there's still six weeks left of initiation, which means six more weeks of trying to keep us a secret. We're officially together now, but it sucks that I can't even share it with anyone. If any of the other transfers or Dauntless-borns find out that I'm involved with Eric—the same leader who just so happens to be supervising our entire initiation— that'll only let people question my ranking, and whether I've really earned it or not.

And then there's still the fact that I don't want any of my friends judging me for being with Eric. They'd probably think that I'm some sick, masochistic human being who enjoys being tormented and hurt by him, and only because they've already witnessed him beat me in the ring, choke me until I went unconscious, and intentionally throw a knife at me, all within my first several days here at Dauntless. They'd probably think I'm crazy. But they don't know him like I do.

Yes, Eric may appear cold-hearted and ruthless sometimes, but he's shown me another side of him, one that only I have the pleasure of interacting with and getting to know. And I love that. It makes me feel special to him.

I honestly can't wait until initiation's over. We won't have to worry about not being seeing together so much, walking up to his apartment together, or even leaving it together.

Leaving his place this morning made me feel more awkward and nervous than arriving at it last night. The Dauntless guard from last night, Leo—whom I recently learned is Des' husband— wasn't there standing watch this morning. Instead, it was another Dauntless guard, one who kept giving me certain judgmental looks. Eric assured me that he'd keep his mouth shut, though.

Heading back down to the transfer dorm was another story. I didn't know so many people at Dauntless would still be awake at six in the morning, but thankfully, most of them were too drunk or tired to really notice me walking with Eric. Maybe the hood of my hoodie also helped hide my identity. Eric told me not to worry about the cameras, because whoever was working the early morning shift in the control room was already ordered to shut certain ones off for a certain period of time. I'm guessing he took care of that last night when he went to the control room, but still, it's exhausting having to worry about all of that stuff.

The only two people who know about Eric and I being involved are Damon and Des, that's it. Well, now probably her husband, Leo, too. I'm sure he'll be sharing with her the news about me staying the night at Eric's last night.

It really was an eventful night, though. Eric officially made me his girlfriend, and then we did... things. But it turns out that I'm perfectly okay with doing those certain things with him. After all, I am officially his now. And Eric—he's mine.