Love, Lies, Secrets and Manipulation (Divergent/Eric OC)

18. Maybe He's Good, Maybe He's Bad

The aroma of freshly cooked bacon fills our nostrils as soon as Jesse and I enter the crowded dining hall. I haven't been in here since yesterday morning. Food was brought to me in the infirmary for both lunch and dinner. Desiree - or Des, as most people call her - had insisted that I stay there all day yesterday.

She said she thought it was best, so that I could rest and heal from my bruises, after we had iced them and put the healing creme all over them, of course. But I also think she insisted on me staying there to keep me away from Eric for the rest of the day - for my own good, and possibly his, too.

After Eric walked out of the room, I overheard some of their 'private' conversation; The hushed conversation that I wasn't supposed to hear. But I couldn't help but hop off the bed and run over to put my ear to the door and eavesdrop. After all, they were talking about me.

I didn't hear every word of their conversation, due to the fact that certain parts were spoken more quietly than others. But luckily, I heard enough. Enough to know that Des is surprisingly someone who Eric actually listens to.

I don't know if he actually cares about me as much as he was letting Des to believe he does. He obviously didn't tell her everything that's happened between us in the past three days. But he seemed open to hearing any advice she could give him.

I wasn't even aware that Des had been listening to mine and Eric's little conversation until I heard her repeat some of my words back to him. I would have been embarrassed if anyone else had witnessed us being together like that, but I didn't feel that way with knowing Des had seen us. She didn't judge the situation at all. Most people would have, but she didn't.

I was surprised that she seemed to be concerned for my best interest. I kept hearing her tell Eric that he needed to give me space and stop being so forward and overbearing with me. She told him that the more he pushes me, the further I'm going to pull away from him, and that he may even end up losing me if he does that.

If I'm being honest, it was kind of weird hearing them talk about me like that. Of course, they didn't know I was listening. That would have been quite embarrassing. But, in a way, I'm sort of glad she told Eric those things. Hopefully he'll listen to her and keep his distance from me for a while. He only keeps confusing me.

Every time I think I don't need him in my life, he only snakes his way back and somehow finds a way to make me feel good. The feeling of being held in his arms and having his gentle lips on me yesterday made me feel like I needed him. He made me feel safe, and secure, like he actually cared about me. And hearing his deep voice say, 'I can't do that. I'm too involved now,' when I asked him to stay away from me, almost made my heart explode. It literally felt like a swarm of butterflies was trying to escape my body, erratically bouncing off my insides, but they just couldn't find a way out. And then there's his assertiveness and possessiveness. He leaves me feeling confused every single time. I just need him to give me some space, and keep his distance for a while.

Des told me last night to stop by the infirmary after breakfast for more healing creme, for the bruises on my body. Thankfully, my right cheek doesn't look as bad as it did yesterday. The swelling and discoloration is slowly starting to disappear, and will hopefully be gone by tomorrow. The bruises on my abdomen, however, are taking a little longer to fade away. The healing cream heals and gets rid of internal bruising, and the pain that's associated with it as well. If it wasn't for my dad creating that amazing medication, I'd probably be out of training and in pain for several days. I'd be screwed. But fortunately, I'm able to handle the moderate pain I'm in. Today the pain is only about a four on a scale of ten, whereas yesterday, when I awoke from my unconsciousness, the pain was at an eight.