Love, Lies, Secrets and Manipulation (Divergent/Eric OC)

45. Why?

(Natalie's POV)

"Where the hell did they go?" Mia wonders out loud.

I step up on the carousel and grab onto the horse's rusted pole, then pull myself up and sit on it sideways, facing the ferris wheel.

"They're up there," Jesse tells her as he points up.

Why Four and Tris are climbing down the ladder of the ferris wheel, I have no clue. Guarding our team's neon flag is my only concern at the moment.

"You think Eric's team will find it here?" Marlene asks. She wraps the orange flag around the pole of the rusted horse behind me, tying it into a loose knot.

"I don't think the carousel is the first place they'd look," Uriah says. "Where do you think they're hiding theirs?"

"I don't know," Jesse replies. "Maybe somewhere at the far end of the pier."

I rub my hands together as we wait for Four and Tris to return, the cold air turning my breath into visible smoke.

Jesse clears his throat as he takes a step closer towards me, then turns around and leans his back against the horse I'm sitting on. "You okay?" he asks, crossing his arms against his chest.

"I'm fine," I say quietly.

While everyone else around us continues on with their small chatter, Jesse and I both remain quiet for some time.

When I returned back to our dorm earlier, he was waiting up for me, worried about me, of course. Although he did ask if I was okay and what happened, he didn't press me on giving him an answer as to why I had been crying. All he knows is that I went back home to Erudite to get away and be with my sister, and that Brian and Eric came to get me.

I pretty much spared him all the details, and I sure as hell didn't inform him about what happened in that parking garage with me and Eric, nor do I plan to.

I don't want all my friends knowing that I still cry over him. It's humiliating enough that they all know what happened between us and just about saw all the drama unfold right in front of them that day. Nobody's said anything to me about it, but they don't actually have to, because I can only tell what they think about me in their minds.

Poor little Natalie, pathetic enough to fall under Eric's manipulative spell and get cheated on.

It's embarrassing.

I just want initiation to be over already so that I can settle into a place of my own at Dauntless. Maybe once I learn to live on my own for a while, it'll be like a fresh start, and I can figure out what I really want.

Tearing that picture of us apart earlier hurt me beyond words can ever explain, but at the same time, it's nothing compared to what he's done to me.

What's even harder is having to be near him; though, I'm glad he at least had enough sense not to choose me to be on his team tonight.

We may not win since he chose most of the initiates who tend to be more vicious—like Hunter, Michael, Nathan, Lynn and Peter—but that's okay with me, because from what I've gathered, I'll be safe no matter what.

After my fight against Peter, my ranking advanced to second place on the rankings board. The only person who's ranked above me at the moment is Hunter. So even if Eric's team does win tonight, I'll still be safe; I'll be moving on to stage two of initiation next week. And from what I've heard, Eric won't be involved in supervising stage two like he was with stage one. With any hope, he won't be around at all.