Fight // WWE Dean Ambrose

Chapter 31

Double update today bc you guys rock my socks and ily all❤️

I paused for a moment and my eyes shot open, as I tried to process what Dean just said. He just told me he loves me.

Usually this is the part where the girl is supposed to say I love you back. But I just couldn't say the words. I've never told a boy I loved him.
Sure, I tell family I love them and stuff, because your sort of supposed to do that, right? Telling a boy you love him is like the final point. There's no going back, and once you admit that you love him, the only possible thing that can happen is someone is going to get there heart broken. I've never had my heart broken, because I have never given into the idea of love. I have never fully given my heart to anybody, and I have never felt heart break. Erica told me that I have never had the joy of being in love, because of the fear of getting hurt. She told me that the being in love part is totally worth taking the risk of getting heart broken. That just doesn't seem like an ideal situation for me, with anybody. I don't know if there ever will be a boy that will be worth it. I guess my heart is just afraid to want more.

Tom and I dated for a little bit over a year, and neither of us ever said that we loved each other. It just never happened. I never thought deeply about the feelings I had for him at all. I didn't picture myself getting married to him, I didn't daydream about a honeymoon. Of course, I dreamt about marrying a boy one day, and being happy with them, but I wasn't dreaming of marrying one specific guy, just somebody in general. But, that made the break up between Tom and I a lot easier. Sure, we did have a string liking of each other, but since I never admitted to myself that I may have loved him, I wasn't at risk to get hurt. It was just a go with the moment kind of thing, no love involved.

Is this the part of the relationship where your supposed to be in love? I guess I haven't thought too hard about my feelings for Dean. I thought with the whole Renee situation, he would be just as against falling in love again as I am. I must have been wrong.

I know Dean is waiting for me to say something. I can't lie and say that I do love Dean if I don't know if I'm at that point with him yet. Don't get me wrong, this electricity between dean and I is stronger than anything I have ever felt. People say you're supposed to fall in love with your best friend, and that is what Dean is. He's my best friend and boyfriend, wrapped into one. He makes me happy, and he brings out a better side of me. But, do I love him?

"You don't have to answer" Dean says in a low voice, his lips briefly passing against mine, and a weight lifts off my shoulder. When I'm ready, if I ever am, I'll tell Dean. But I don't know if that day will ever come.
"We should probably head out to your interview" I tell him, and he nods, before letting go of me, our connection breaking. I can feel the air in the room shift, and the tension pick up.
"Are you nervous?" I ask him, in hopes of lightening the mood and possibly changing the subject. He walks around the hotel room, grabbing clothes from the floor to put on for his interview.
Dean doesn't answer my question, instead he nods again. I sigh and play with the curls of my hair. This is absolutely, down right awkward. I wish I could have just told Dean that I love him. I'm such an idiot.
Dean brushes past me into the bathroom and hastily shuts the door behind him. As he does, I walk towards one of the beds and throw myself face first into the pillows. Dean and I have a flight tonight, and sitting next to him for the entire thing will be even worse than this awkwardness if we don't talk about things. That is where dean and I fail sometimes, we don't talk about how we're feeling, which makes for a confusing time.

A few moments later, I hear Dean open the bathroom door. I unbury my face from the stiff hotel pillows and push the hair out of my eyes. I try to make eye contact with Dean, but he won't even look at me. He's wearing a simple black WWE merchandise t-shirt, and jeans. He scoops on a simple zip up sweatshirt, and throws on a ball cap.