Two Worlds Shattered

Chapter 154

RACHEL

As getting to the stairs, I start getting this giant pit of nerves in my stomach; I don't even know why I didn't get this when opportunity from Andrea which is the biggest thing that ever happen to me since coming to college. I still remember the day I got accepting letter, my mother ordered confetti poppers when they say I had the letter in my hands. She already knew I was getting accept before I did. When I got the envelope from Andrea, I have been mentally making lists in my head of what should I pack especially from the cold weather in Colorado, and where should I live since I don't be a bother and live with some coworker. I hold onto Ezra's hand as walking doesn't the carpet steps, praying I don't fall; his hand feels cold like his words or action at times because even though he doesn't mean it, they still cut deep like that Sheryl Crow song 'The first cut is the deepest'. I look around the place to notice there's lesser of people here than there was during the wedding.

I hear Ezra coughing to cut the silent awkwardness because he probably doesn't know half of the people at the reception which feels more awkward even for me because I never been to a fancy party like this especially for a wedding. My parents' wedding was simple and sweet with few people including me witnessing it, "Hey," I squeeze onto Ezra's hand to get his attention, "Why don't you find something to eat so I can find your mom," I tell him.

"Okay. I mean I already had my dessert," he says as moving his eyebrows up and down, and I nudged him with my elbow. Ezra laughs then kisses my forehead and walks away. I watch him, then follow the sound of loud sounds slamming through each other until it gets louder. I'm in the doorway of the kitchen, see Andrea in the corner and sitting down a in highchair. Andrea looks up at me with a slight smile, her brown hair is all beach wavy and looks so beautiful like a newly married woman but she has this glow of her, the pregnancy glow, "Hi Rach. How are you?" she greets me with open arms. I walk towards, and wrap my arms around her, and suddenly my heart does a small backflip because I forgot how a hug from a parent feels like just from love, not from sympathy or pity. As I lift my head off of her shoulder, she rubs my arms, "Sweetie, are you okay?".

I take the sit next to her, and she slides her plate filled with different kinds of cheese and fruit towards me, and I grabbed a kiwi slice, "Yeah, I'm fine. I didn't mean to cry in front of you," I apologize, use my fingers to control the tears coming down and not messing my makeup even though half of mascara is off.

"Rach, I may have pregnancy hormones but I'm not blind when I saw that guilt written all over your face. The same guilt face Ezra would give me all the time when he was younger," she responded, and pulls me into another hug. Her hugs feel so warm like a blanket on a cold night.

"So please tell me what's going on? I whether talk to you than talk to the anyone else because I swear if I hear I have the pregnant 'glow', I will jab a fork in person's eyeballs," she tells me, and I definitely tell that Ezra and she are mother and son because they have the same sense of humor. I laugh then push away the fork away from her, so she doesn't cause any violence. I sign and take another slice of kiwi before talking. I still have the anxious feeling in my stomach.

...

My throat feels dry. My memories feel clears as finishing telling Andrea about everything, I can think about to witnessing my father getting arrested to everything else, but I don't tell her about Ezra not wanting me to go to Colorado or him writing notebooks about whatever he's writing. Some things you don't tell your partner's mothers. I still don't know much about them. I take a handful napkins and wet them down with water to remove the leftover mascara marks on my face. Note to self, buy waterproof mascara next time at the store instead of regular, it's not use.

"Dear, I'm so sorry. I wish I knew about this stuff because I know I'm Ezra's mother, but I have always loved you as my own since I knew you two were dating. I began seeing a smile that I haven't seen a long time," she comforts me and holding both of my hands, and it feels like there's a weight from my back, "Um," she sniffs, "Is there anything you need or want? I know I can't wish the pain away but there has been something," she tells me as wiping her tear that make her look effortless pretty and I look like a raccoon.

I nod my head no before until the thought of the whole reason why I come in the kitchen in the first place comes in my mind, "I want to take the offer you give, and thank you by the way. If I haven't said that already," I thank her, then get up from the stepstool and grab one of the champagne glasses that laying around and drink with the feeling of being guilt that not only I'm drinking in front of one of my bosses but in front of an alcoholic's mother. I hate calling Ezra an alcoholic, but he knows he's one.

I stopped drinking for a minute as looking at her, "I wanted to ask you if the offer you give me still available?" I nervously ask. Andea's green eyes, that are the same color as Ezra's. The same shade of emerald, and crystal-clear green; they widen up in excitement once those words are come out, "Yes. Of course, but have you," she stops talking, stands up as closing the door to make sure anyone epically Ezra is not coming in, "Have you told Ezra? I have been meaning to talk about his offer, but he doesn't budge which seems weird because I would though he would want to come with you," she says, and now I'm the one with eyes ready to bug out.

"Wait! He had an offer? Since when and why?" I questioned as suddenly feeling a aching pain in my chest of hurt because he thought he had the right to question and yell at me for wanting to go higher in my career when he had one himself all along, "I'm guessing he didn't tell you. He can be a little rat at times," she jokes and we begin to laugh, "Eric offered him a deal that he can publish his book along with going to Colorado with you," she admits the pushes her empty plate.

I run my hands over my face in frustration, and try to control myself, "How long is the offer? Because I need a new change," I tells her, and I can tell the exactment through her face expression with smile so big and hold out her hands, and I help her get down from the stool, "Let me get Eric because her will tell you more information than I can. Ugh! I feel like I'm a balloon ready to pop," she trues to move the chair out of the way; I stand up and hold out my hands to help her down, "Let me help you."

"Thank you," she says as hugging me, "I will be right back". I watch her walk towards the living room.