Bad Dreams | Newt x Reader

Chapter 91-What Now?

Warnings: angst, kissing

Y/n’s POV
Now

I sat next to Newt with the others as we ate dinner, the dying light of the sun making the sky a faint blue. The sunset was a beautiful array of pink, orange and yellow. Sonya and Aris were sitting together holding hands. I was happy they were together now. Harriet and Skylar were also a couple now, I had been right about that. Their best friend Felix sat with them.
At the edge of the crowd, I caught a glimpse of Leo kissing Bella. Finally, Belleo was a sailing ship. Newt had been talking a lot with Sonya, I was glad he was talking with his sister.
Vince stood out in front of everyone.
“We have come a long way together,” Vince began. “So many have sacrificed so much to make this possible. Your friends and your family.”
I thought of my parents, who’d helped to start the Right Arm.
Élliot, who’d saved me when I was at my lowest.
Kei, Winston, Zart, Alby, Chuck, Ben. All the other Gladers.
Newt grabbed my hand and threaded his fingers through mine.
“So here’s to the ones who couldn’t be here. Here’s to the friends we lost. This place is for you. It’s for all of us. But this,” he pointed to a rock behind him with the chisel he was holding. “This is for them. So in your own time, in your own way, come make your peace. And welcome to the Safe Haven!”
The crowd cheered, I stared at the rock. Some people had already started going up to it.
I squeezed Newt’s hand and got up. I told Nikolai where I was going and headed down to the beach. I walked for a while until I could just see the huts and the firelight. I sat down on the sand and listened to the waves. The soothing rhythm helped. I felt something in my pocket and pulled it out. Newt’s necklace, someone must have put it back in my pocket. I heard footsteps behind me and the sand shifting. Newt sat down next to me and looked at my hands.
“I’m not an Enhance anymore.”
“I know,” he said quietly. “How do you feel?”
“Like a part of myself has been torn from me,” I answered, Newt wrapped an arm around me. “I’m glad she’s gone, but I miss not seeing them.”
I opened the metal cylinder, inside was a piece of paper tucked away inside.
“Can I read it?” I asked.
“Yes,” he sounded nervous. What could he be nervous about?
I leaned over to kiss his cheek before I unfolded the note.

Love,

I’ve tried to write this note several times. I can’t get it right. I don’t know how to say what I want to say, but I’ll try.
I’m so glad I finally got to tell you I was still in love with you. Those stolen moments we’ve had I’ll be thinking about for the rest of the time I have.
Where do I even start?
I love you so much, more than I ever thought possible. I used to wonder what it was like to be in love. I never thought it would be this strong, that it would drive me to do literally anything if you asked me. Every single second you’re away from me, it feels as if I’m being strangled. Then you come, and everything seems to fade you until there’s just you. If I could spend the rest of my life with you, I would without a second of regret.
I’m going to miss your smile. I’ll miss the way your eyes light up at the smallest things. I’ll miss the sound of your laugh. I’ll miss the way you tease me.
If I could take back the pain I caused you, I would.
I love you more than anything. It’s not your fault, I chose to save you. I’d rather die than live without you. That was my choice, I didn’t care for the consequences. I only regret that I can’t spend more time with you.
I’m not scared of dying, more scared of forgetting you and the others. I miss the Glade so much, I lie awake at night replaying memories mostly of you.
I’m watching you as I write this. Your hair is twirling in the wind and you’re laughing with the others. Every so often, you look over at me and grin. The world stops and I can only stare and smile back.
I tried to put it into words but I can’t. Words can’t describe how much I love you.
I know you’ll find a way to win against the Wraith. You always find a way. Move on from me, find someone else. It’s okay. I know you will. Be happy. You deserve it. I know you’ll take care of everyone. Tell them goodbye from me and that I’m thankful that I could be friends with them.
Thank you, Y/n. You saved me again and again. You’ve done more for me than you’ll ever know. I love you.