Bad Dreams | Newt x Reader

Chapter 57-Pain and Nothing

Warnings: grief, burns, pain, blood, arguing, angst

I woke up on a stretcher bed, alone. I swung my legs around and sat there for a moment. I expected to break down again but I felt nothing. The memory of what happened was already a blur.
I stood up after a moment and walked out of the tent.
The bright late afternoon sunlight made me squint. The quiet chatter of the camp washed over me. It was almost normal. As if nothing had changed.
Everything had changed. This didn’t feel real.
I felt as if I was staring down at someone else. I grabbed Élliot’s leather jacket from the fold out table and shrugged it on. I slowly walked outside. I scrunched my hands in my pocket and my nails dug into my palms to keep me slipping away.
People fell quiet as I walked by. I could feel their pitying stares as I walked towards where the makeshift kitchen area was.
I grabbed a random can of food and pulled out one of the gas camp stoves we had stolen weeks ago. I lit it and started cooking the food. I stared at it while I waited for it to cook. It was spaghetti.
A memory from weeks ago flicked to life in my mind. I pushed it away. I forced down the flood of nausea that suddenly flooded through me. A strange pain sparked in my arm and I lifted it up to look at it. I summoned a small ball of electricity.
It quickly slipped out of my control. I doubled over in pain as it burnt its way along my hand. The jagged burns sent hot stabs of pain echoing up my arm. I gasped and tried to get control over it.
‘Stop!’ I tried to command the Wraith.
She laughed in response. ‘Big brother is dead. What are you going to do without him?’
I forced her back and retook control. I stood up straighter and looked at the burn jaggedly lines on my hands like lightning bolts. Blood ran down my burnt hand.
I could hear people whispering amongst themselves and I looked up to see Alex coming towards me. He looked awful. Black marks under his eyes gave me an idea of how much he’d slept. He looked sick, his face hollow and pale. His eyes bloodshot.
He stopped in front of me, took my hand and carefully healed the skin. My blood dripped onto his hand as he finished healing the burns. He dropped it and walked off.
He was upset with me.
I sighed and continued cooking food. No one tried to stop me. I wasn’t even hungry but I dished up all the food. I would need my strength for the next couple days. I turned off the stove and didn’t bother cleaning the stuff up.
I sat down next to Brenda, who was sitting with our friends. I stared at the spaghetti in front of me. Newt got up and gently took my hand. I flinched at the feeling and stared at him. He cleaned the blood off my hand and let go, returning to his spot next to Ember. I picked up the fork and moved my food around slightly. I sighed and sat it down for a moment. I sat the bowl down and buried my face in my arms for a moment.
Get it together, I told myself. I sat back up and picked up the food and began eating. Brenda gave me an encouraging smile. I didn’t bother to return it. Everyone watched me as I took a couple more bites. I stayed quiet until it started to get on my nerves.
“Stop looking at me!” I snapped and suddenly the ground was very interesting to look at. “Thank you.”
I somehow managed to finish the entire bowl. I noticed someone sat down next to me and I turned slightly to see Aaliyah. She leaned against me in a way that nearly broke my heart into further pieces. At least she wasn’t afraid of me. I wrapped an arm around her. I shifted down onto the ground and she did the same. I wrapped my arms around her and closed my eyes. Sleep took me again.

My brother's face haunted my dreams. The memory of what happened replayed over and over until every second was severed into my mind. Lil’s, as always, did too. I jolted awake, for an awful second I saw Lillian dead in my arms again. I blinked and it was just Aaliyah.
It was late. I looked around. Someone had placed a blanket over us as we slept. I caught Newt’s eye and held a staring contest with him until I looked away and slowly got up. I wrapped the blanket back around Aaliyah and went off to see who was on guard tonight at one side of the camp. Felix. He sat in one of the chairs, flicking the spotlight around.
“Hey,” I said quietly and he jumped but relaxed when he saw me.
“Don’t do that,” he hissed quietly but his voice held a slightly amused tone.
“Sorry,” I said. “Go get some sleep, I’ll keep watch.”
“Are you sure?” He asked, his voice seemed hopeful at the thought of sleep though.
“I can’t sleep anyway,” I said and he got up and handed me the torch.
He went to walk away but I stopped him. “How long has it been since…since,” I choked on the word. He gave me a sad look that was just visible in the moonlight.
“Five days,” he replied and I nodded. I sat down in the chair. Nothing much happened that night.