Bad Dreams | Newt x Reader

Chapter 61-Hysteria

This chapter is intense.

Warnings: Grief, throwing up, flashbacks, panic attack, knives, violence, stabbing, death, suicide attempts.

Y/n POV
16 days after his death

I woke up feeling worse than ever. A gunshot went off in the distance and I felt my heart rate speed up as the moment of my brother's death tore through my mind. I got up and stumbled away. I got a couple metres before I threw up everything. Someone gathered my hair. When I was done, I saw it was Thomas.
“Thanks,” I mumbled as he nodded and walked off.
I went back for my water bottle before retreating up to the top of the old building we had sheltered in last night. Thunder crackled overhead as I sat down. I came back down an hour or so later. Ember was fiddling with a torch. It flicked on suddenly. The light was blue. I froze. Splinters of memories about my brother hurtled through my head. Ember flicked the light at me.
“S-stop,” I said. She just smirked and did it again. The blue light brought reminders of my brother's ability.
I stumbled away from the building. I didn’t make it far outside the building. The world titled and I sank against the wall between two buildings. I could feel my heart pounding an uneven beat in my chest. Dizziness made my vision distort. I brought my knees up under my chin. I felt like I was going to throw up even though I had already thrown up everything. Tears flooded from my eyes as I broke down. I couldn’t breathe.
Someone grabbed my hand. I shuddered and squeezed it tightly. At this point, I didn’t care if it was someone half crazy from the Flare. They drew me against them and I leaned into a familiar person. Newt. I let him put his arms around me.
“I’m here,” he repeated in whispers and traced patterns on my back. “I need you to count to ten with me, okay?”
I tried a couple times to start but couldn’t.
“It’s okay,” he whispered and held me closer.
“On-one,” I choked on the word
“That’s it. You’re doing so well.”
“Two,” I turned my head to lean against him more. “Th-th-three.”
“That’s it,” he murmured into my hair.
I counted the rest of the way. My breathing had slowed only slightly. My throat still felt tight like I was being strangled.
“Count again,” Newt encouraged. I did it again and again until I relaxed, the tension left my body in a flood and I exhaled.
“There you go,” Newt murmured. “Breathe with me.”
I did until the tears stopped and my body gradually stopped shaking. The world slowly stopped spinning and I slumped against his shoulder. He held me for a long time. I closed my eyes and focused on him trailing his fingers along my hand.
“Newt?” someone called, Newt sighed.
I took my head off his shoulder and stood up. I offered him a hand and he took it.
“Thank you,” I said in a small voice.
He pulled me into a hug.
“Newt!” someone yelled again. Vince.
Newt led me back, I dropped his hand and slid my hands into my pocket. I played with a loose thread to keep me distracted. Vince noticed us and frowned.
“Come on, we’re about to leave,” Vince said and went back inside.
Newt turned to look at me, probably thinking the same thing. Vince hadn’t called for me. Had he been planning to leave me behind?
I followed Newt inside. Ember frowned when Newt glared at her. When he wasn’t looking she moved to turn the torch back on but I shattered the bulb. She screamed and dropped it, drawing the attention of everyone. Newt immediately moved back to my side.
“What happened?” Vince asked, coming over to look at the shattered glass. Ember glared at me, I held it steadily.
“Nothing,” she resided and looked away.

Hours later, just before dusk, I was forced to search the building next to where the new camp was. I was alone, Vince argued that I could handle myself and the others had to do other work. I shone the yellow light of the flashlight around the room. I had worked through the bottom floor of the old shop without any trouble. I made my way up the old rotting staircase.
The second floor was dark. The torch light flickered so I snapped my fingers for a glowing ball of electricity. I slowly crept through towards the old window that overlooked the street below. The window was dusty and I could barely see out of it. I wiped a patch away with my sleeve. Something fell and shattered behind me. I spun around. With an inhumane shriek, a Crank launched at me and drove a long kitchen knife through my ribs and into my heart. I lost my balance and we both crashed through the window.
I landed hard on the ground. I heard a snap of a bone in my hand as I tried to break my fall. The Crank landed away from me, lying at an awkward angle and bleeding from the top of the head. I awkwardly sat up and turned as I heard a shout. Thomas’s horrified gaze settled on the knife still buried in my heart. I blinked down at it. I could see the blood was starting to leak out. Blood welled up my throat and dripped down my chin. I reached up and quickly pulled it out before the Wraith could stop me. Thomas yelled and rushed towards me. He screamed for Alex as I fell against the ground. My vision went black and I let it take me away from this painful world.

Alex POV
I forced the wound to seal back together to stop the blood before I started healing her properly. I felt the damage reverse and I felt for her pulse on her neck. It fluttered wearily and I let out a sigh of relief. Newt knelt next to me. I double-checked I’d healed everything. My panic started to settle down. I’d nearly lost it when I saw her body. I thought she was dead for a moment. I would’ve just stared if Newt hadn’t yelled at me to do something.
“She’ll be okay,” I said to the group who’d gathered to watch.
I scooped her up in my arms and carried her back inside. Newt and Thomas followed me as I settled her in a corner. I started cleaning the blood from her hands, face and neck with a damp rag.
“What happened? The Crank stabbed her and pushed her through the window and then?” I looked up at Thomas.
“She looked at me and then the knife. She just pulled it out without a second thought. It was like she wanted to die,” Thomas said.

Y/n POV
I woke up. For a moment, I hoped I was in whatever afterlife there was but then I noticed Alex looking at me sadly.
“What did you do?” my tone felt heavy, laced with exhaustion.
Alex flinched.
I lunged for a knife on a nearby table. Thomas yelled and lunged for it. I got it first. I tried to dive it into my heart again but the tip barely touched me before my arms froze. I cried out in frustration and kept trying. Newt grabbed me and tried to pry it from my hands.
“No!” I tightened my grip. Alex helped to take it away. I lunged at him and knocked him to the ground. “You were never going to keep your promise! Why can’t you just let me die?!” I yelled. “Just let me die! I don’t want this anymore! I’ll kill you all. No one will be able to stop me! Kill me!” I shrieked. I was roughly dragged off him but I kept screaming at him to kill me.
Newt was trying to hold me. Aaliyah appeared from the people and hugged me. I fell silent. I gave in and hugged her close. I took a couple deep breaths and relaxed. Alex stood up with the help of his father. I fixed my accusing gaze on him until he looked away. Newt still had his hand on my shoulder. I felt him remove it and move away. I moved back to my corner and held Aaliyah tightly.

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