Bad Dreams | Newt x Reader

Chapter 51-Just Give In

Warnings: angst (and a lot of it), pain, the Wraith being her usual manipulative self, mentions of torture and killing, lying, sort of a  toxic relationship, blood, panic attack.

“Newt? What did you want to talk about?” I asked as he led me away from camp. He stopped and turned around. The old trees offered protection from the staring eyes of the camp.
“I think you know,” Newt said softly. Fear flooded through me. Sharp and painful.
“I don’t think I do,” I said slowly. Newt just looked at me helplessly.
“Y/n, don’t make this any harder than it already is,” he begged, turning his face away to avoid my gaze.
The use of my name hurt.
“Don’t make what harder?” I pressed anyway.
He sighed, “I want to break up.”
‘He doesn’t even know, and yet he still wants to leave you,’ the Wraith whispered in my mind.
This tim,  I could only weakly push her away.
Even though I knew they were coming, the words hit me like a freight train. My lip wobbled as I tried to conceal my emotions. My knees gave in and I landed hard on the ground. Newt started for me but thought better of it.
“Why?” I asked, looking up at him.
“You’re…you’re not the same Y/n I fell in love with,” Newt said sadly.
“What do you mean?” I asked miserably.
“You’re…different. Cold, to me and everyone else. You just tortured your uncle and then killed him in front of everyone! You’re angry all the time, you keep secrets, you lie to me—”
“No, I don’t!” I snapped at him with a sob. “I don’t lie to you! I promised you and I have kept that promise!”
“No, you haven’t!” Newt argued back.
“You don’t understand, I don’t lie. I just tell fractions of the truth. Enough to make you believe something other than what I’m talking about. I don’t lie, I just let you make up your own conclusion and you believe that.”
“Y/n, that’s still deceiving me,” Newt said softly and knelt down in front of me.
“I’m trying,” I whimpered.
“Trying to do what?” Newt said, I didn’t answer. “See, secrets. This isn’t healthy for us Y/n. Secrets aren’t good for a relationship, it’s toxic.”
I shook my head, “If I tell you, she’ll kill you all.”
“The Phoenix?” Newt asked and I shook my head.
“I can’t tell you,” I replied.
“The Wraith?” Newt guessed.
“I can’t tell you,” I said again. I wiped away tears. “I wish you would just understand that everything I do is to protect you, my brother, everyone in the Right Arm.”
Newt stayed silent for a moment before he spoke, “I’m sorry, Y/n,” Newt said softly before he stood up “But I can’t do this anymore.”
“Newt, please, don’t leave me. I can’t keep doing this without you. You’re one of the people holding me back.”
“Isn’t that supposed to be a bad thing?” Newt asked, confused.
“Not for me. Newt, I need you by my side,” I begged him. Newt shook his head, he was crying now.
“I can’t be your boyfriend, but we can still be friends. You promised me you’d never leave me and I promised I’d never leave you. If we’re still friends, then we can both keep our promises.”
“You can’t do this to me. That’s not fair. It would kill me,” I tried to force myself to stop crying without success.
“I’m sorry,” Newt apologised again. He started to leave but I sprung up and grabbed him.
“Newt, Newt don’t. Please. Please don’t leave me,” I sobbed into him. He slowly rubbed my back. “I’ll get better, I will. I’ll go back to being that girl you fell in love with. Just please, please don’t leave me.”
“Y/n, that’s not fair of me if I force you to be someone you’re not,” Newt reasoned. “I can’t do that to you.”
I dragged him down and kissed him desperately, our tears mixed. Newt pushed me away gently after a few seconds.
“Y/n, no,” he brushed away his tears.
“You…you can’t…” I started but slid to my knees in a defeated silence. Newt looked at me sadly but he began to leave.
“Wait,” I said. Surprisingly, he stopped and turned around. “Just tell me something. Did this have anything to do with Ember?”
“No,” Newt replied softly and left. Leaving me alone with her.
“What did I tell you?” The illusion of the Wraith said in front of me. I mustered what little strength I had to glare at her.
“Go away,” I snapped.
She didn’t listen, of course she didn’t. I knew I was already gone, I debated screaming for Nikolai but it would be too late. I could already feel her digging deeper into my mind.
“He left you all alone,” she knelt down in front of me with fake pity displayed on her face. “I warned you, you should have listened.”
I slowly started to give in to her. What was the point anymore? Why did this have to hurt so much?
“I can help you,” she told me, as if she read my thoughts. She probably did.
“How?” I asked her, struggling to get a breath into my lungs. It felt like someone was suffocating me, I couldn’t breathe.
“I can take the pain away.”
“All of it?” I looked at her, a sliver of hope starting to form even though I knew it was wrong.
“All of it,” the Wraith promised. “Just give in.”
"Just give in," I repeated and she nodded.
It hurt too much. I couldn’t do this.
I gave in.

Nikolai's POV
I watched Newt return without Y/n. He looked miserable. I got up and crossed the camp.
"What happened?" I demanded. “What did you do?”
"I broke up with her," he said miserably.
"You did what?" I said in a low voice, anger burning at the thought of my sister being hurt.
"I thought it was better to do it now and not pretend like I was still in love with her. I thought this way would hurt her less."
Some of the anger slipped out of me. Alex came over and Newt explained again.
"Where is she?" I asked.
Newt pointed in the direction he had come from and I sprinted off to find her. Alex ran to catch up. I slowed down as I reached the trees, peering through them and looking for her.
"Poor Y/n, she really loves that boy," Alex said as we walked through the old trees.
"Yeah," I replied, distracted. I scanned the trees but there was no sign of Y/n.
"Where is she?" Alex echoed my thoughts.
"Y/n?" I called out but no one responded.
We walked through the old trees but she didn't appear. I passed a tree and turned. On the trunk of the tree was blood. In the shape of a ghost. Or a Wraith. I swore and quickly wiped it off with my sleeve. The blood was still fresh.
"What? What was that? Is that blood?" Alex asked. I didn't answer.
"Y/n?" I called out desperately and quickly weaved through the trees, calling for my little sister. It didn't matter, though. She was gone.
"Nikolai?" Alex yelled after me. "What's going on?"
"She's gone," my voice shook and I sat down. Alex knelt by my side.
"What are you talking about?" Alex asked but I couldn't respond. My hands shook as I held in a sob. It felt like I couldn't breath and everything sounded muffled. Alex pulled me against him and I leaned on his chest.
"Nik, I need you to breathe, breathe with me."
I did and he rubbed my arm soothingly. I closed my eyes as I slowly regained control over my breathing. Alex shifted so he could hold me tighter.
"There you go," Alex said softly.
I cried silently into the crook of his neck. Alex played with my hair and murmured reassuringly. I took a deep breath and unfortunately had to remove myself from his arms. I stood up and helped him get up. I wiped my face and took another breath. I cleared my throat.
"Sorry," I said stiffly.
"It's okay. If you need to do that again, I'm here for you," Alex said awkwardly. "Now tell me, what's going on? What do you mean she's gone?"
I sighed, trying to form a coherent answer, "Y/n, she's gone off on her own.”
Alex frowned, scanning the trees for her. "Why would she do that?"
"Because she's upset and hurt and needs time to process this."
"She can't have gone far, let's go after her–"
Alex started walking, I grabbed his arm, "No!"
Alex looked at me strangely. I let go of his arm. I couldn’t let him go after her. If she killed him, she would never forgive herself. I would never forgive myself.
"I mean, no, we can't."
"What? Why?" Alex asked.
"Because I don't think she would want us to find her at the moment."
"You're doing it again. Lying to me," Alex accused me.
"I'm not lying to you."
"You're intentionally being vague so that I come to the wrong conclusion and completely miss the real reason," Alex rolled his eyes and turned away to look between the trees. “Ever heard of lying by omission.”
"You're right, but you've seen me at my worst," I gestured to the ground where I had just had a panic attack his arms, "I'm only–"
"Doing it to protect me and everyone else," Alex finished and sighed. His green eyes flashed back to me. "I trust you. I do. Even though you lie and mislead and keep secrets."
I gave him a grateful look and pulled him back towards camp.
"Come on, we need to get back."

"Where is she?" Vince asked as we got back.
"She had to go do something. She'll catch up in a couple days," I repeated the lie I had come up with. It was not my best lie but I couldn't think of a better one.
Vince frowned at me, "What is she doing?"
"She’s doing something to help us. Don't worry about her. She'll be fine."
Vince frowned again but said nothing more about that.
"Why is there blood on your sleeve?" he asked me, furrowing his brows as he caught sight of it.
"I accidentally cut my arm on a sharp piece of wood. Alex healed it, but I still got blood on me."
Vince believed this lie easily and turned away to go do something else. I sighed and looked at Alex.
"Do you think he believed it?" I asked him.
"I almost believed it."

Newt POV
I sat quietly with my friends. I stared at the dirt in front of me and fiddled with my fingers.
"Hey, you did the right thing," Thomas reassured me.
"He's right, Newt," Brenda told me. "It would have been awful for her if you just pretended you were still in love with her."
I didn't say anything, I felt sick with guilt. Memories of Y/n fluttered through my mind of her smiling and making me laugh. I hastily pushed them away that Y/n was gone now. Replaced by a cold and almost cruel version of her hidden by a pretence of old Y/n.

1900 words

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