Nerve Wreck

Chapter 29

"Hellooooo! I know you're home! Open up!"

He banged on the door, desperately hoping someone would answer the front door for him.  Hoping that somehow the news was all lies. What he had been told at work was a lie. That this was all just some fucked up joke everyone was playing on him.

Why was he so worried? Worried about her, the person who would constantly hurt him. The one who sent him to the hospital. The one who would beat him over every little thing and threaten to ruin him if he ever left her. Why was he so worried about someone like that?  Someone who hurt him so much and then decided to abruptly end it by just throwing all she put him through away via text after giving him the silent treatment for weeks. It just didn't make sense.

Nonetheless, there he was banging on her front door hoping to see her. His anxiety shot through the roof as he was standing there. Breathing became difficult and rather painful after a while and his fist began to pulse in pain  as he banged on the door harder each time. Unfortunately for him, no one ever answered him. There was no one there.

Sobbing, he fell to his knees holding his head in his hands. He yelled and cried out to no one. He begged nothingness to open the door for him. His vision began blurring as his head began to feel rather light. Alex then sat down with his back against the door for a while until he fell asleep, falling over in the process.

Even in his sleep he couldn't stop thinking about her. She was the only thing on his mind. He needed to be somewhere familiar. He needed to be with her. He didn't care if he was kicked again. He just needed to feel something familiar. Hear the insults, feel the stinging pain, feel hopeless in her gaze. He didn't know what to do with his new found freedom. It was frightening to him.

He woke up to the feeling of being shaken awake and a familiar voices. He hummed in response to let them know he was awake and to stop shaking him. He looked up to his friends with red puffy eyes and purple circles. Sighing, he raised his hand towards his friends and they instinctively helped him to his feet.

"How did you even get here? Did you walk?"

"How do you feel? Do you need us to get you anything, man?"

"Guys, he's obviously not in the talking state. Let's just get you home first, okay? Can you walk?" He nodded at Jack in response and shuffled his feet towards the car.

The guys helped him in and Zeek gave him a water bottle after he strapped in. Jack drove them to Alex's apartment. The drive was long and quiet. Alex hated every moment of it. Once they got there they all sat in the car in silence for a while before uncomfortably getting out and heading up to the third floor.

Alex took his time getting his key from his pocket. He felt like he needed to take things slowly. He didn't bother answering their questions from before once they were in the apartment. He just walked over to his kitchen and got painkillers and a glass of water. He didn't want to talk. He felt as if he physically couldn't.  Like something inside him wouldn't let him talk at all.

His friends all looked at him with worried looks plastered on their faces as they waited for him to say something. They all stood around, feeling too uneasy and uncomfortable to sit down after finding their unconscious friend at his missing ex's door. This is definitely not what they were expecting from him. They all thought he would be somewhat at ease about the situation. They all thought he'd be happy about the lack of Jessica and pain he'd deal with on the daily basis.

As soon as Elliot opened his mouth to speak up Alex walked away to his room. Well, his and Jessica's room. He flicked the light on and took in the room in silence. Her stuff laying around in his room and her favorite perfume fueled his depression to the max. He slumped down on the carpet and stared at the room feeling as of something was missing. Something was just, no longer there.

Could it be her? Or maybe it was the absence of dread and pain he felt. Whatever it was that was missing was now replaced with something new. Something empty. He didn't like it one bit. It felt awful. The life he knew for years was gone. He had come home to nothing.

He got up and made his way to his bathroom and stood there, staring at himself in the mirror for a while. He knew that he was better off this way but he just couldn't accept it. He was to scared to accept the fact that his life of 6 years went to the gutter in the span of one night. The life he had been so used to was now non-existent. What now?

What would he do now? He knew Jessica would turn up eventually, would she be the same old Jessica? Would she be worse? Should he get rid of her things and change the locks while he can? Should he move? When would she be back? Was it a bad thing that he's feeling so lost without her around even after all she's done?

He wasn't getting anywhere with just thinking and staring at himself in the mirror. He let out a shaky breath and turned off the lights. He crawled in his bed and looked at the darkness that surrounded him. As he dozed off he finally got to get his mind off of her. Maybe he could finally take care of himself now.

Tears escaped his eyes as he drifted of into a deep and well needed slumber. His breathing slowed and his goosebumps went away for the first time in hours. Alex rolled on his side and snored softly throughout the night. Sleeping was his medication at the moment. His pain seemed to just disappear.

The door slowly opened as his friend checked in on how he was doing. Seeing that Alex was asleep he sighed and closed the door as quietly as he could. He walked back to the livingroom and sat down on the couch with his friends letting them know that Alex had fallen asleep. They all nodded in response and one of them excused themselves to their home after a few minutes of awkward silence.

Turning to Jack he asked him if he was going home anytime soon to which he replied 'no' because he wanted to make sure he was alright when he woke up. The two of them set up the livingroom to sleep in and got comfortable for the night. They put on a movie on the TV and ate some snacks to try to put themselves at ease from all the days tension. They desperately wanted to end the day on a good note.

The next morning wasn't much better. Jack called out for Alex and went to work after Elliot told him that he'd stick around just in case. He arrived at work and explained to his boss what was going on with Alex. He seemed to understand and just shrugged it off getting back to work. Jack was hoping on getting his mind off of his worries by talking to Gina but she seemed to be busy. Hopefully Alex at least ate something.