Book One: The Chosen Mate (Complete)

Chapter 40: The Talk

Rebecca's Perspective

I woke up in Jesse's arms, and wanted to stay there forever. He smelled so good. His body was rock hard and sexy. His skills in bed made my heart skip in excitement. He felt so right. Perfect.

Was I being fair? I said what I knew he needed to hear, but right now I only had the capacity for sex. My mind and heart were still so confused, clouded, and painful from the psychological torture I endured.

I didn't want to lose him so I fucked him in the cove, and I gave him his wish fulfillment of feeling me in his wolf form, but he saw through my act. It wasn't like tricking Marcus. Jesse knew when I was shut off. Jesse cared.

It felt wrong to string him along, but I knew when my heart healed, I would want him desperately. What if he moved on?

Then last night, I couldn't help myself. I was so hormonal, I kept dreaming of sex so I decided to jump him. I saw what sex absent of love was doing to him so I said what I knew was true, but I couldn't feel. I guess it was enough. He held me, and touched me in every way he knew I liked, so maybe he won't leave me.

Jesse stirred and opened his eyes. "Good morning beautiful." He wrapped me in a full body bear hug. "That was quite the way to wake up last night. Not that I am complaining. It was so hot.. But I had no restraint coming out of sleep and going straight to sex that way. I hope I didn't harm you."

His eyes searched mine for emotions and connection. I decided to be honest. He deserved at least that.

"I kept dreaming of sex until I was going crazy, so I came to you." I explained.

"I would never deny you. I am yours. I just hope raw passion like that doesn't set your progress back." Jesse looked into my eyes, open, honest.

"My trauma is all centered around their own self gratification and sick perversion. You reciprocate, I orgasm with you, and you know what I like. My body knows the difference. My body is starting to remind my heart, and my mind is not that far behind." I paused and decided to be honest. "I can't feel like I used to. I am confused. I don't know how to fix it, but I know deep inside I want you. I just need time to heal."

Jesse nodded, "I understand. I just need assurances that you aren't leaving me. That you aren't rejecting me. That you still want me." Jesse looked into my eyes. "After the cove, I felt used. Like you only wanted sex and I meant nothing to you. That hurt. I was confused."

"I hope you felt something last night. I saw you and I just had to have you. I had to express my feelings. They were too strong, bottled up." Jesse sighed. "I know I'm a dog. I can't just leave you alone to heal. I keep trying to tempt you to touch me, to look at me, and for you to show interest. I keep wanting you to see me. It is selfish, but when you ignore me my heart hurts. I can reason that you are in pain and traumatized, but my heart doesn't understand why you would just stop wanting me."

Jesse breathed deeply. "I never wanted just sex from you Rebecca. I have always wanted to commit to you and do things right. If I only rescued you sooner. Just a week or two sooner. I just needed the resources of my father's power to set you free, and it couldn't be done any faster. I'm sorry. I am so sorry." Jesse stated sadly.

"You are not responsible for anything those sociopathic creeps did to me. You are my hero, the one that always shows up and rescues me and heals me. You are what my soul needs. I just feel disconnected within myself." I paused. "Maybe physical touch is the key. It grounds me. I can smell you, taste you, see and feel you. When I do, I stay here in the present. Maybe that could help." I reasoned.

"Can I sleep here with you at night? If you prefer your space, I understand, but you keep me from falling into thought patterns and coping mechanisms for things that don't exist anymore. You remind me of what is and if I get lost, you will tell me the truth. You know when I am faking, and you call me on it. I need you. Can I stay here with you?" I searched his eyes to see what he was feeling.