The Road Gets Tough (Synyster Gates Series: Book 2)

This Family

Your votes and feedback seriously inspire me<3 :D

"Thank you so fucking much Portland! You're the fucking best! Rock on mother fuckers!" Matt shouted, placing the mic back on the mic stand.

Our third show and things were looking better... with the band that is.

Jackie wasn't really talking to me, which like I said I deserved. We had only talked a total of four times these past three days. The first time was to tell her I heard the song. The second was to tell her I loved the song. The third was because the second got cut off and the fourth was just recently. Its my fault why we're not able to speak. Despite me having all the time in the world, I spend my time foolishly drinking and playing cards with Zacky. Now I knew why she was so upset and confused. Because of this.

The guys and I joined hands and took a bow before walking off the stage. Dan stood there with towels ready for us to take and pat ourselves down.

I wiped the sweat off my face then cleaning the top of my eyes where there was some eyeliner smeared. It reminded me of Jackie whenever she cleans her make up and the piece of tissue paper has black make up on it.

"Great job guys! These past days have been fucking great!" Zacky praised us as we followed him into the dressing room.

I held the door open while everyone filed in. As soon as I stepped into that room, I headed straight for my phone. I smiled at the screen, happy to see that Jackie actually texted me.

Hey i know youre busy but I just wanted to say i miss you and i love you alot. Kisses baby. Night

I didn't waste anytime before texting her back. Just texting her for a second made all the negative feelings I had about us, disappear.

You dont know how much i miss you ;) i love you too.. hopefully we talk tmrw since its an off day :) goodnight babes

I sent the message then opened the beer that was right beside my phone. I drank nearly half of it before setting it down and sitting beside Johnny.

Doing an amazing concert and getting a text, restoring all hope in the woman I love in one night made my life fifty percent better. But there was still something totally pissing me off in the back of my mind. Jimmy. Jimmy wasn't here to share this moment with me. He was here spiritually, but not physically next to me. He wasn't able to make fun of Johnny, or talk about how awesome the crowd was. I felt alone. It was a shitty feeling.

"You okay bud?" Matt asked, taking his shirt off and patting the sweat that glistened on his chest... Wow I just sounded so gay.

I snapped out of my daze, "Suuhh... Nothing. Nothing's wrong."

He gave me a weird look then laughed, "I didn't ask if something was wrong Brian. I asked if you were okay. But since something is wrong, what is it?"

I stood up and began to walk outside, "Nothing." I said in a frustrated demeanor. "I'll see you guys in the bus."

As I reached the bus, all I really wanted to do was walk in to find Jimmy sitting in the driver's seat ready to go. But once I opened the door to find it empty and quiet, I knew it was highly impossible that I'd ever see that again.

I closed the door behind me and threw myself on the couch against the window. It was really quiet inside and it was beginning to piss me off.

I thought of something my dad had told me when Jimmy passed; when you feel down and you miss Jimmy, talk to him. He's not that far from you.

I walked to the door of the bus, locking it so no one would catch me talking to myself in an attempt to come in contact with Jimmy.

"Okay, let's do this." I said sitting back down and looking out into the distance. I noticed a picture of Jimmy pinned against the wall of the bus and used that as my target. "Alright... Jimmy I uh... I know you're not here with me and I really don't know how to do this but... I miss you. I really thought this would be easy because of how much time has passed. But honestly man," I let out a sigh yet holding in all my emotions. "It's tough and I sometimes like to think you're still alive. And I still like to think I'm going to get a call from you to bring you some 40's." I felt a ball in my throat form, remembering those calls from him. "Dude it sucks. You didn't deserve to die. If you were alive and able to talk about it, you'd probably say 'No one deserves to die but the good die young.' But it's hard fucking knowing I have to live the rest of my life with out the guy who made me who I am." Tears were forcing their way out of my eyes. "This is hard to do with out you. Everything is honestly. I sometimes feel you, then other times I don't. You know, when you wrote Fiction and you said 'promise me you'll never feel afraid', I went back to the drawing board and wrote in 'sleep tight I'm not afraid' in So Far Away. Because Jimmy, I'm not. I'm a strong guy. But I get weak, like right now." I wiped the tears away from my cheeks, sniffling, "You'd be so disappointed in me because of how I'm acting with Jackie... But all these out bursts are because of you. Because I miss you so much. You kept me on my toes-"

"Brian?" A female voice called out from down the hall. It startled me a bit, causing me to jump. Out of the dark came Valary with a worried smile. "Are you okay?"

I felt a little embarrassed and speechless, "I'm, yeah." I cleaned my face with my shirt, "What did uh... Are... What are you doing here? I thought you were in the... the place." I was at a complete loss for words.

She giggled and sat on the couch across from me. "I was but I had a headache so I stood in the bus for the rest of the night after Buried Alive. I didn't mean to scare you or embarrass you. I just heard crying and talking so I thought someone was in here."

"No. It's fine. I just needed alone time. Just to work out some things in my head." I said playing with the beer bottle in my hands.

"Did you want to talk about it?" I shook my head and took a swig. She stood quiet for a second, probably trying to convince herself that I was okay. "You know, I heard what you said."

My face started to burn and turn a shade of pink. "Please don't remind-"

"Hey, it's okay Bri. I talk to Jimmy sometimes too. When I have fights with Matt, or just to get something off my chest, I talk to Jimmy. It's okay to talk to him. I know he can't talk back, but he's listening."

In a way, I felt glad that I wasn't the only one doing it but I still did feel embarrassed because I got caught doing it. I wanted to tear up again, but I refused. "It's just so hard Val." I admitted, "Everyone acts okay with him gone. I mean yeah it was a great concert. Our CD did amazing. Our fans are amazing. It's just... hard with out him being here to see what we've achieved."

"But he's achieving it with you guys. Don't think about it like that. Avenged Sevenfold is and will always be Jimmy..."

"I feel like giving up sometimes because of how bad it feels..." Yet again, I cried, feeling a pout, "I sometimes just want to drop the guitar and quit this because he's not here."

She moved up in her seat and put a stern voice on, "Listen to me. Don't ever speak like that. Jimmy would want you to do this with or with out him. Whether he's here or not, this band... this family is Jimmy's prized posession. If you were to ever leave, imagine how Jimmy would feel."

"How can everyone do this with out missing him?" I asked, clueless. Everyone seemed so happy while I was the only downer of the group.

"You don't think we miss him? The night before we left for this tour, Matt had a break down because of Jimmy. Don't think we don't miss James. Everyone does. Dan, Matt, Jason, Johnny, Zacky... just everyone. It affected us badly. We're getting through this together alright? We're family and this is just like any other family. We're a support group. I'm here for you. If you ever want to speak to me, I'm here. Most importantly, if you ever want to speak to Jimmy, he's here. Don't be embarrassed."

Her words really did make me feel better. "I know." I wiped tears away again, "It's just hard. And I'm taking it out on Jackie. I drink and I forget to call her."

"Tomorrow is an off day. Web chat with her. I'll lend you our wifi. Call her. Text her. I know she knows what you're going through. But don't take it out on her. She has problems of her own. She understands."

I took a keep breath and stood up. "I will. Thank you Valary. You're fucking awesome."

She stood up as well and wrapped her arms around my neck, squeezing me tightly. "I know I am. We're family Brian. This is something we're all getting through."