How I Found Love in Bangkok

Chapter Thirty-nine

ALIVE AT PRIDE

Pride never looked more magical. The second I stepped out of the van and saw the number of people in the park had doubled in number, my eyes widened with joy. Everywhere I looked, someone was lighting a lantern. A sea of little golden lamps, ready to flood the sky, carrying with it the dreams, wishes and goodwill of all those who lit it.

Multiple boats now occupied the river as many people boarded on, getting ready to float their flowers. On the right side of the river, a young boy and girl were taking people on a water flyboard. Their screams and laughter could be heard across the park.

Rama led us to the kiosk where everyone was getting lanterns and incense sticks and we got ours, joining the rest of the crowd by the lake. It had been years since I attended the Loy Krathong and Yi Peng festival where my family and I usually floated lanterns. Growing up in Chiang Mai, Mae and Po made sure we went every year and we always looked forward to it.

No view compared to it. No view ever will.

Mae, a firm believer in the power of letting go of negative energy and welcoming positive thoughts and energy into our being was strict about it. 'Negative energy makes you weak' Mae always warned. We all came to deeply respect the festival, holding it in the same high regard as she did. Pride was the least place I expected to be floating a lantern, making a wish or letting go of negative energy.

But it most certainly felt like the right place.

Pride is a beacon of hope. It's the voice of all unheard voices. A torch light on queerness. An encouragement to dream. Pride is for the free.

A lot got missing in translation of what it truly stands for. At least for me at the time, looking at pride through the eyes of Nat who believed fucking whoever you wanted was a protest in itself. I needed to put my own meaning to it to come to value it the way Nat did, the way the rest of the world did. As I watched the sky flood with yellow floating lamps, inhaling the calming scent of a battalion of incense being burnt, my wish on the sleeve of my heart, I found my own meaning for pride.

There was clapping, there was cheering, strangers wishing strangers good fortune in a sea of smiles and rainbow flags. And then there was Mongkut and Malee, making their way to us hand in hand. We laughed through the pleasantries. It was Rama's first time meeting Malee and he was just gracious until one of the volunteers stole Rama and Ja way to help sort through organizational affairs.

Mongkut, Malee and I strolled to a nearby bench and sat, chatting away the night. I was starving and they were trying to figure out where to take me afterwards to eat. The beauty of living in a city that never sleeps is the privilege of finding street food by 2am. Malee was dominant even with me. Telling me exactly what we'd eat and where we'd eat it and what time we'd leave.

I quickly realized dominance was so ingrained in Malee's personality he didn't even know when he was being dominant with regular people. And best believe I didn't protest. I was exhausted and in no position to be using my brain. Malee was using his brain for all of us, allowing Mongkut and I to share a simple conversation.

When he was done setting things up, he asked us to wait while he informed Rama and Jaran of his dinner plans. My eyes followed him as he walked away, finding Rama and Ja deep in conversation.

Their friendship was still a bit of a mystery to me, but it now made sense how they could be friends since Jaran came from money—well mostly Ja, seeing as Rama was self–made. I turned my gaze back to the river, suddenly finding myself missing Nat.

I smiled when I remembered all the times Nat and I had faked being a couple to get discounts at restaurants. We were shipped so hard in university and even had a ship name. KitNat. It was a fun time. I came to the conclusion that maybe Rama was the Nat to Jaran's Kit and that made me chuckle.