How I Found Love in Bangkok

Chapter Thirty-six

A CHRISTIAN PRIDE

"I'm cumming... I'm cumming," I moaned into Ja's ear as he stroked me. "W... wait... a... argh... please..." I squeezed his arms. 

"Shhhh." He kissed me with soothing tenderness, stroking me faster and I wriggled from the overwhelming pleasure.

"I... I'm cumming! Wait! Phi!" I threw my arms around his neck and pulled him close, burying my face into his shoulder and curling my toes as warm cum splashed all over my belly and his hands.

I wanted to hold out for as long as I could, but over the weeks, Ja had gotten amazingly good at handling my dick, it became increasingly difficult to delay my orgasms. And even more difficult to avoid my escalating desire to have penetrative sex with him. 

As I trembled from my orgasm, he continued leaving gentle kisses all over my face and neck, making the post cum warmth feel incredible. I opened my eyes slowly to meet his gaze, staring down at me in admiration. 

"Phi?" he asked with a smug smile. "I'm only a few months older, but I'll take it."

"Shut up," I mumbled and we giggled. 

His fingers played with the cum on my belly as he stared into my eyes. I was too tired to move. We had gotten into it just as the sun was rising. I found him working out earlier than usual that morning and it set me off. The more we toyed with my fetish, the sexier I found him, and not just for his underwear. 

"Look at all the cum, you were clearly enjoying yourself. Why did you want me to wait?" He kissed me. "Mmh?"

I smiled. "I wondered if maybe we should try... umm... if maybe you wanted to something. Maybe... have me do something for you?"

"Oh—I'm good. You don't have to worry about me."

"I know, just... wondering if you want to. I'd love to do something for you." I ran my hands through his hair. 

"I like things the way they are." He kissed me. "I'm fine with it." He beamed. "I'll get a towel, don't move."

He left the bed and I sighed in defeat.

I was not fine with it. I wanted him so much; I wanted him all the time. I wanted him inside me, wrapped around me. I wanted to be under him, inside him. It occupied my every thought and the more I wanted him, the more difficult it became to not wish to keep him, be around him all the time, holding hands, laughing, talking about whatever.

You need to understand, Ja's was a gorgeous beautiful man who strutted about my room almost every day, completely naked, watching me cum over and over again; with soft warm eyes that drove me insane. Having him but not 'having him' was like dangling candy in front of a toddler and telling them not to touch it. 

I was not blind to his lies or forgotten his secret. However, I made peace with it. Now hear me out before you roll your eyes at me. I could never sense debauchery from my last lovers. With Sud, it rocked me hard because I never knew what was coming, so I decided to take a page out of Play's book and have total control of my situation.

I couldn't control my insane thirst for him. I was falling for Ja. A hopeless, quick, but not unguarded type of fall. I decided the man I was with and the man I thought he was; were not the same people. The man I was with was sweet, had a subtle sense of humor, honest and kind. The man I thought he was outside of us was the one I had loathed all those years. I'll admit it wasn't ideal for mental health, but it worked for me.

Sometimes he was distant, far away, locked in his mind even when we were together. Most times he was warm. But at all times, I was me. I was expecting nothing and made up my mind that when the competition was over, so would we. It didn't make me yearn for him less, I wanted to be intimate with my version of him, emotionally and physically. But there was a wall. Aside from the fact he would not have sex with me, he also avoided deep conversations and it made sense why he would.