Can I just be alright for a little while?

38. The winner

Joel handed me a tissue so I could dry my tears while waiting for the vodka shots. Neither of us had nothing to say and there was nothing that could make this situation any easier for me anyway. Only thing I felt some what comforting was Joel's hands caressing my back. Other than that I was numb. Even the vodka tasted like water... Eric and Rob joined us and their emotions were similar to mine. I couldn't even look at Eric because I knew he would say something like "I told you so".. Even if Jay and Julia had something they hid it pretty damn well.. Where they even took the time to be together because I spent so much time with Jay..?

"Fuck this sucks.. " Rob sighed and drank down another shot. He was just as broken as I. Julia played us both. She broke the both of us.

"Yeah..."I sighed and turned around to face Joel. The man sighed and from his face I saw how he just wanted to go back and probably finish his business with Jay but he stayed here.

"You wanna go home?" he asked and handed me a glass of water. I shook my head. As much as I wanted to, the results were still to be announced.

"Not yet..." I whispered and looked the blonde one into his eyes. He looked worried and for some reason I just leaned my head against his shoulder. I just needed to be held now. To lean on someone who would just support me because there was no strength left in my body to hold me up.

"I'm sorry Heidi... I know I was acting like an ass but I knew this would eventually happen... " I heard Eric saying in a clam tone. Eventually?

"What you mean, you knew this would happen? You knew Jay had something with Julia?" I asked and turned around in Joel's hands.

"No but I just had the feeling.. The way she kept checking on him all the time.. Rob I'm sorry but she used you to to get close to Jay.. She is such an attention whore.. Plus knowing that Jay hasn't been in a serious relationship after the shit with Hanna and how he likes the attention he gets.." Eric spoke and patted his friend's shoulder.Rob did not say a word. He kept staring his beer he had just ordered and I turned my face back to Joel.

"You knew about this?" I asked him.

"Well only what Eric told.. Tho you see how she is.. Pushy and so on...You've seen her comments under Jay's pictures.. And I'm sure there might have been something else going on too.. I mean I don't know anything for sure but what they did back there was not ok.. Even if they did not have anything going on he had all the time on earth to push that bitch away but he didn't.. And that sucks.. It fucking sucks" Joel said and with his thumb he wiped away few tears that escaped from the corner of my eye. I had no idea what there was between Jay and Julia, if there even was anything. Honestly I did not want to know. But what happened was enough for me. He saw her walking towards him. He saw how she pushed Rob away... He had the change to push her away but he didn't and the kiss wasn't even a short one..Thinking back to the moment made me feel sick.

The mood was pretty shit to be honest. I had no clue where Jay was, but him and Ben where nowhere to be seen. Not that I wanted to see him anyway and he probably knew it so he was smart enough to stay away from me. I saw Julia with her band a little further away, wearing a stupid smile on her lips. I just wanted to destroy her the way she destroyed me. She took away the only thing I had left... I was so angry I wanted to break stuff but I had no strength to do that.

"It's time!" my murder plans were disturbed by the judges. Rob and Eric pulled me between them and Joel stayed close. Niko had just joined us and he did not look too happy either.

"You know guys.. I just heard something fucking disturbing..." he said and ordered a beer. I looked at him under my eyebrows and I could already tell that it was about that witch.