Can I just be alright for a little while?

13. Fanboy

Finally Saturday. The past days since my fabulous drunk adventure went surprisingly peaceful. No weird interactions with Joel, I hadn't been seeing him or any other person coming in or out from his apartment. Things hadn't change with Jay either. He hasn't been spending more nights with me and I wasn't entirely sure that was it a good thing or did I miss it. I felt so mixed about it. I kinda wanted to know where else his hands would travel but I kind of didn't. I was still afraid that what ever this thing was between us now would somehow ruin our friendship and I didn't want it. I needed him to be a friend even tho I might needed him as a lover, too. Fuck. It was like these feelings were not going anywhere. The Aki situation was getting a little easier to deal with, it still hurt and I was crossing my fingers that I don't see him or Vilma anywhere near me, ever. But the feelings I felt for Jay were still there and I was scared. What if they were just not some random emotions that needed to be taken care of with hooking up with him? I bit my lip and finished my makeup. I needed to get ready and get to the venue, and thinking about some weird stuff going on in my mind was not the thing to do now. I needed to focus.

I tied my hair up in a high ponytail. Yesterday Carla refreshed my colours too so it looked like my hair was on fire and I loved it. Next I went to my closet and started to search some clothes to put on.

After going through my wardrobe something about million times, I decided to put on black ripped shorts and over sized Metallica t-shirt, that had a deep V-neck which could be tied with laces, but I decided to leave it open to be more revealing. The shirt was long enough to cover my shorts, so it looked like I wasn't wearing a pants at all. I was gonna go to the venue by taxi anyway and it would get hot at the venue at some point so that outfit would be ok. Once I was dressed I put some platform combat boots on and grabbed my jacket and guitar. The taxi was already waiting for me and the few seconds I spent outside while making my way to the back-seat of that black Mercedes, I felt the cold air hitting on my bare tights. It felt little refreshing and I didn't let it bother me too much.

"Isn't it cold out there?" the driver laughed a little after I got in.

"Well if I was walking then yeah" I answered and took out my phone. Jay had sent  me a message that he and the others were already there. I texted him back that I'd be there in 10 and put the phone back into my bag.

"H!" I heard Jay calling my name when I got to the backstage. I smiled and walked to the guys, gave them all a hug and obviously the hug with Jay lasted longer than the others. He gave me a light squeeze on my sides before letting me go.

"Ready to rock?"he smiled and held his left arm wrapped around me as we sat down on the sofa. They already had a beers open but I didn't want to drink before the show, I'd leave it for later.

"Definitely" I smiled and I found myself pressing my body even harder against Jay. Yes, I was still addicted to feel him close. And I was ready to perform. I was so ready to rock this place down and win the whole thing. When at first I was a little afraid because everything going on then now I was sure I could pull this out. Honestly, stuff was still pretty much same or even more complicated, but I wanted to do these shows. Play for people and enjoy being on the stage. Two song is not a lot to show what we are made of so we really needed to give everything we had tonight so we'd be through to the next round next week.

After half an hour waiting, all the bands competing walked in front of the stage to see the band who was supposed to warm up the crowd. There were a lot of people and I could already see that the night was going to be great. Maybe this helps me to get some clearance into my life. Everyone was so hyped about the upcoming show and competition that I didn't even mind that Jay was standing behind me, holding his hands on my waist even tho the rest of our band was standing next to us. Eric had been throwing his curious looks on us for few days now already and this was probably going to cause more of them. Although honestly, I wouldn't mind if it was him holding me like this too. He was also ag ood looking guy. Little shorter than Jay, not as built up but he had strong arms, tattoos all the way up to neck, short brown hair and some nice pattern cut on left side. He had pierced ears and a septum. And yes, I was weak for tattoos, obviously. And the moment I started to think about the ones Eric had showing on his neck, Jay's tattoos on his chest and thighs came into my mind. How they perfectly covered his muscular legs... Fuck. Luckily the lights on the stages were turned off for a moment before some guys started to walk in.